LIFE – the option really sucks

Once in a while, do you stop and look at your life, what you have lived so far, your childhood, your family and friends, experiences, tears and laughter, school, changing from diapers to child to adult, first job, love, kiss and car? Do you find that you are where you planned to be, or did the road twist, turn, stop and go in so many surprisingly different and perhaps exciting ways?

Today, are you surrounded by people you love and respect, people who make your life rich, fun, colorful and exciting? Do you feel that your future dreams and goals will come true?

But most importantly, how often do you acknowledge and fully appreciate this great wonder called LIFE? I hope it’s often, because compared to life - the option really sucks.

I find it utterly fascinating when I try to comprehend all these billions of things that are keeping us together inside and out, make us function, stay alive and still be able to watch Dancing with the Stars without puking. My brilliant point is that we should appreciate this life thing a heck of a lot more, and not so ignorantly take it all for granted – because that’s what we do – but we shouldn’t.

 It was the Greek philosopher Socrates (notice: he only had one name, just like Cher, Sting, God and Bambi), who asked: “How should one live?” I think he was hinting virtues with respect to living. Perhaps moral aspects of conduct, observing duties, rules, laws and regulations, whatever that might be, as well as contributing to general welfare amongst us. All pretty cool stuff.

Aristotle was another one-named Greek dude; though incidentally, some believe his first name was Benjamin (Benny, among his bowling buddies). Benny talked about The Good Life, not solely referring to his bowling average, but a life based on human fulfillment; many parts of that philosophy landed on what we today know as morality. He saw The Good Life as being a life that flourished and was successful. Socrates, Benny A. and Peter S. - thinking alike, yet again...

To me a good life is one we live with meaning. How much meaning we care to provide for ourselves and for the people around us, has ALL to do with how willing we are to work toward the quality of this good life thing. But Meaning is not something that will be presented to us on a silver platter; it is purely something we must create and work for, if a meaningful life is what we want.

For some, quality of life is based on materialistic goodies, which are money, property, travels, cars and expensive habits. Some feel that being measured by what they surround themselves with, dress up in, etc. is what counts; it makes them feel good and is their measure of meaning. I fully respect that.

Other people find gratifying meaning in life by simpler things, different values dominate, are perhaps easier to produce, but are as effective. Sure I could write a fat book about the differences, the multitude of levels, but why bother, because in the end it all comes down to the fact that wherever you are, whatever level you find yourself on, the meaning of life means precisely the same thing, has the same values, but in so many different ways – and that is so fascinating; don’t you think? But do we appreciate all this – life?

When you sit among friends, having a glass of wine or two, lots of chatter and laughter, do you once in a while pause within yourself, smile and mumble: “It doesn’t get any better than this…”? I hope you do. It is something that takes a split second, but is so powerful. When it happens to me, it is nothing I can force – it just comes to me as an emotion and I react accordingly. Euphoric is the only word that can describe it; some of the meaning of my life, manifested in one split second – once in a while.

The unfortunate normality concerning the lack of appreciation of life is that we are too darn busy to notice what’s going on around us. Some forge ahead at super-speed wearing blinders, with over-packed schedules and wishes that 24/7 was more like 48/7.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the pathetic, non-active and total lack of energy individuals, with no clue as to what this is all about and what they are missing. Sure “to-each-his-or-her-own”, but please…

And then there are all the rest of us who are floating around in the middle, living what we perhaps can acknowledge as a fairly normal life on a comfortable level. That is not stated as an arrogant observation, as I’m floating right along with you.

But no matter where in the mix we are, my concern is that we do not appreciate LIFE as often and as much as we should; we do not stop and smell the roses; not even literally. We take way too many things for granted. We don’t always see the people right in front of our faces – they are just there, as they always are and as they should always be; it’s what we expect, but rarely appreciate. Don’t you think that is sad?

Do we appreciate and acknowledge the awesome nature we are surrounded by, that we have been blessed with, but that we don’t really see? What about the buildings in a city, flying at 35,000 feet, flushing toilets, computers, cute bunnies named Fluffy, medicine and science, technology and education; how about your awesome friend, partner, children, colleagues, wife and husband? Are we really that blind – on a daily basis? Shouldn’t we open our eyes and suck it all in – at least once in a while? I hope you do – really; because life is precious and we should live and acknowledge it accordingly.

Of course there are thousands of things that can and do go wrong. We might struggle with sadness, depression and sorrow, agony, disappointment, failure, jealousy and envy, our favorite voted out of Dancing with the Stars, illness, impairments – and the list is awful and long. This is the unfortunate darker side of our existence, but it is still part of what life is also about – the side we have to deal with and adjust to.

In most cases we do have choices with respect to how we handle and adjust to our lower moments. Start by stepping back and take a wider look at life’s bigger picture, acknowledge the billions of things we can and should and must appreciate, and the perspective opens up. Sure it does not always solve our problems, but it sure helps when we give it a try – it really does.

Just look at the people around you. Study (without stalking or drooling) how they interact, their emotions, laughs and cries – it’s priceless. Take good care of yourself, your friends and family; they will take good care of you in return. Let them know often, how much you love and appreciate them. They might look at you with a surprised smirk on their faces, but then they will smile and tell you the same; we all want to be told – but we just forget to tell each other more often.

I like my life; I have lived it well. So many ups mixed with a few downs; overall it has been and it is grand – seriously. I don’t take many things for granted anymore, but I still make that extra effort to stop and smell the roses and not just literally.

This is how much I appreciate life – but not only because the option really sucks…

Till next Monday – tell somebody…okay?

RELATIONSHIPS – am I any good at it?

If I met me, would I consider myself a good candidate for a relationship? Would I like me as a close friend, a dedicated husband or a trusted colleague in the workplace? However conceited this might sound, I feel I could have a good relationship with somebody like me, because I view myself as a decent dude.

Of course it wouldn’t be a fun relationship, as we (me & me) would already know all the jokes, the silly remarks and the vast quantity of humorous punch lines – so what the heck kind of relationship would that be, besides flat and boring, huh?

I’m not talking about the relationships we have with pets, mobile phones, cars, stuffed bunnies named Fluffy or the all-important connection with inflatable Sexy O’Floozie. I mean relationships we have with spouses, partners, family members, friends, colleagues; those kinds of real unions.

Relationship means interpersonal; it’s the bond or association between two or more people. It was on a dark and stormy night back in 1741 that this new noun was born (yes, in a barn); it meant the state of being related or interrelated. As I see it, it was originally used in reference to relations within families; relations, as in related to. I really like the ship bit, as ships either float or sink – just like relationships do; and you didn’t think of that, did you?

But today, when we use the term relationship, it pretty much covers associations between any humans, perhaps in more intimate and romantic ways and across gender lines.

We start relationships by getting acquainted. Then we build on those initial inclinations, establishing trust and respect. Continuation suggests commitment and a relationship is born. Sounds easy? Well, it’s not a piece of cake, if that’s what you think.

Any kind of relationship, amongst them friendship, marriage, partnership, etc. (but unfortunately not Inflatable Floozie), includes respect, trust, dedication, love, compassion, responsibility and appreciation, just to name a few; to keep the ship afloat takes a lot of hard work.

If we do not work hard enough, lose interest, fall out of love or any of those other things, the relationship will run out of steam or hit an iceberg; also known as termination. So, how good are we at this relationship stuff and how can we improve matters if we suck at it?

In my personal book of references, we are flock animals (I mean, we see females go to the restroom in large groups all the time – which scientifically proves my point) and we have urges for relationships; we crave stimulation from each other.

Surprisingly, we are basically a monogamous race, meaning that we do not stray as much as they do in soap-operas, movies and so-called reality TV (God forbid); for the most part we pair up and that’s that. Yeah, I know the divorce ratio does not fully support my point of view. But still, my point is that relationships are very important to us; and here is my even more important point (debatable, but go with it anyway, okay?)

Though relationships are interpersonal, meaning at least two individuals participate, I strongly believe that the Mother of all relationships, is the relationship and the quality of same, that we have with ourselves. How we relate to ourselves very much establish us in our relationships with other human beings; this is the very important foundation.

You see, what we think about ourselves, the good and bad attitudes we drag around and the overall opinion we have of our own character and personality, will of course reflect in our relationships with others; pure logic? Well of course it is.

Some people whine about how they cannot connect, build friendships, find partners and stuff. For the most they blame things around them to be the reasons why they fail in this relationship stuff. We can always come up with plenty of excuses by pointing fingers; but we should really point at ourselves first and then start to search for solutions within who we are – perhaps find who we could really be.

When we dissect our inner selves, which we should do at least once a year anyway, we find a lot of good stuff we do, we think and many positive attitudes of all kinds. But we also find stuff that we kind of ignore, we know they are there; stuff we have done nothing to solve and/or improve upon. So it’s time to go on a soul-searching expedition.

Many times in my life, I have sat down with that big pad of mine, a pen and a few hours to spare (oh, and a bottle of wine). I split the page with a line down the middle. Then I write positive on top of the left column and negative on the right – are you with so far?

To start on a positive note, I write everything down about me that I can find, stuff I’m happy with concerning my person, character, personality, values, etc. Then I move to the negative column, write down everything I don’t like about myself, stuff I should do I haven’t done, my physical being (exercise more, eat less, etc.) When I’m emptied out, I pour another glass of wine, sit back and read the two columns out loud; this way it sinks in better; you get the idea.

Then I go back to each column. I make notations about how I can do better, because no matter how good or bad we are at something, we can always improve. It’s a very positive process that should perk you up.

And it’s in the negative column where the fun really starts. I live by the fact that when we know and accept what is wrong, we are halfway to the solution. Once we look at negativity in a positive light, we will find ways to correct and improve.

Yes, it takes effort to improve ourselves and lots of it. It’s always easier to do nothing, but don’t be surprised when the outcome sucks accordingly. And don’t try to change your world in one swell swoop; just change it one little bit at a time, but keep doing it.

When you feel comfortable about the changes and observations you have made, it’s time to imagine if you would like to have a relationship with you; look at yourself from the outside. Can you see redeeming values that you imagine other people will acknowledge, respect and appreciate? If not, go back to your list, and see what else can be done; it is a refreshing experience - I do it all the time.

What do we like about the relationships we are in? What is it that attracts us to our friends, family, certain colleagues, etc.? We probably find a lot of common ground in the relationships we have; same stuff we appreciate and respect, but stuff we rarely think about. “She’s my best friend”, we’d say and for most of us, that pretty much covers it – but of course there is so much more behind the statement: “she’s my best friend”. We don’t dissect our relationships, because it is not important. For the most part it just feels right, and that is all the information we need.

I seriously don’t have many relationships, but the ones I do have involves a lot of pleasantness, respect, appreciation, love and in all of them, a ton of laughter. I do not take any of my relationships for granted, never have and never will, especially the one I have with myself.

I think I’m an okay relationship; I can be trusted and I will do next to anything to help the people I have a relationship with. But would I take a bullet for any of them? Come on, I’m not stupid; though I would take one for my wife, because she is the best and most ultimate relationship I have ever been in and will ever be in.

And how are you doing?

Until next Monday, remember that: life is precious, so live accordingly

A HANDY FOOT-NOTE:

“Taking a bullet” is just a matter of speaking, rather hypothetical, meaning it will never happen, so it means nothing – except for the heroic effort by taking one for my wife – I would do that, and not just hypothetically, okay? Of course I hope I’ll never have to prove such silly statement…

LISE, MY DOLL – stuffing we find comfort in

She was always by my side and next to me in bed. As I got older, we were careful not to get caught together, because it wasn’t right anymore; the embarrassment would have been devastating. I tried to explain it to her, but she just smiled as her deep blue eyes looked into my heart. “It’s alright, Peter, I understand,” she said softly and I felt her warmth. Through her short life, she was the utmost of comfort to me and she never asked for anything in return.

No, this is not the end of some tear-jerking romance novel, but a brief description of my relationship with Dukke Lise (Danish, meaning: a doll named Lise). That's what I called her from the first time we met; I was about one year old. My grandmother might have given her to me, but I doubt it. I asked my Mother, but she can’t remember; she has dementia (my Mother, not Dukke Lise); in some cases she can remember stuff from way back, but not about Lise – I really love my Mother. Why I was given a doll, I never figured out. I’m sure they knew I was a boy, because it’s so easy to check - don’t you think?

The head of my doll consisted of two halves made of molded cardboard; the face and the back of her head. The two halves had rudely been stapled together and topped with a wiry set of stiff, blond hair. But Lise quickly turned bald and stayed that way till the day we parted. But did I care? Not at all and Lise didn’t either. She was mine, we belonged together and I always found great comfort in her – it had no doubt a lot to do with those deep blue eyes and that soft, reassuring voice.

Lise and I parted ways when I was about 24. For some reason my Mother had kept her in a box for so many years. One day I was visiting, she told me that she had finally thrown Lise out, open bald skull and all. I remember I was saddened by that, because she wouldn’t be here anymore to remind me of all those great chats we had had through so many years, the comfort she gave me during tough times, and the sharing of so many happy childhood moments. I also miss her blue, long-sleeved denim dress and the white apron, so totally worn out; and then I moved on.

In early parts of our lives we find comfort and safety in inanimate things, that being teddy bears, stuffed bunnies named Fluffy, animals of all sorts, dolls and blankets, to name a few. We confess our deepest secrets, our emotional highs and lows to them and in return we get unconditional love, understanding and friendship; as uncomplicated as that is - as powerful and simple it is. But what about today; have you fully dropped all this? I can't say I have. So how about you; are you brave enough to confess?

I have always been a sucker for stuffed animals, but now I’m supposedly too “adult”. I can't carry them around anymore, bring them along on planes and travels or even have them share my pillow; also because the dog and the cat won’t give up any of “their” space of same pillow. When I see this big cuddly teddy bear with those cute eyes sitting together a bit too close, which makes Teddy look even more adorable, I reach for my wallet and I’m ready to adopt. But then I snap back to act my age, I close the wallet and quietly say "sorry" (while nobody is watching, duh!) I could of course say it’s for my grandchild – but I don’t have one and I’m not going to start lying, not even for a stuffed bear; I’m sure he’ll understand.

But I’m not quite totally “adult”, as I do have several renditions of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh in front of me, on the shelf above the PC. I even have a picture of my wife, with an image of Tigger and the word BOUNCY on the colorful frame. And that is what he is, so energetic and BOUNCY; a very good inspiration as well as he is so utterly cute. On the sofa behind me in the office, sits a collection of many Tiggers in several sizes, seriously; Oh, and I have a stuffed Tigger key-ring… Do you?

As kids we more so held on to our safety blankets and stuffed friends, because they did work a lot of magic. But I also believe that I’m not alone in the pretend-friend world I find myself in now, as mature adult as can be (and good luck with that). Case in point: my pal Tigger.

If I have to explain myself, Tigger gives me some form of comfort at times, but now it’s more so about the image of Tigger. I see innocence, energy, simplicity and then that happy BOUNCING stuff; all so very positive – and there is nothing wrong with that – according to my psychiatrist, probation officer, Kirkegaard and Freud. And he does make me smile – he really does; not Kirkegaard (God forbid), but Tigger (Kirkegaard was such an introverted sour-puss and so depressing hanging out with, really; not the life of any party).

So what stuffed comfort animal do YOU hide behind your back? You see, I have no doubts that most of us have something and when it’s “most of us” it can legally be filed under normal and average (if we don’t get carried away or get caught?)

Do I also find comfort because Tigger never disagrees with what I communicate to him? Is it the grand listening skills he has? When we are frustrated, we find therapy in talking, as in thinking out loud, and Tigger is all (cute) ears, he really is. That is what we need the most when something is on our minds or in our hearts – a really good listener.

Of course adult females are more up front with all this, where males are not willing to share so easily. But since I have confessed, would some other representative of the male species please step forward? Nah, you don’t have to – we already know who you are (remember: you left your Web-cam on)...

I used to be into anything Snoopy – big time, but as with so many other things, we change and it has been Tigger ever since. And all this makes so much sense when you look into those cute eyes of his; don’t you agree? Try it...

What is there NOT to love? He made you smile, didn’t he?

          

I miss Dukke Lise – I really do. I should have held on to her as she would have kept so many childhood memories even more so alive, kept them perhaps more vibrant and colorful; her physical presence might have connected me to that time of my life in a fuller way. But I did move on and I have since managed just fine without her; Tigger took care of that, he really did.

Tigger would have loved Dukke Lise; they would have been great pals, with Lise so sensible and balanced and Tigger so bouncing around like crazy; good pals, just as Lise and I were– I have no doubts about that... and I don't care how adult or not you think that is - or perhaps I do?

Till next Monday: hug a bear – make sure it’s a stuffed one, please...

            

Ready to ship:

6” x 9” (15 cm x 23 cm)

232 pages

Paperback $12.95 ($3.95 S&H)

USA Only (see below)

If you want to get your copy signed (who wouldn’t?) please E-Mail your name and full mailing address to:

steiness@sbcglobal.net

Signed copies can only be purchased through me
(well of course)

This book will soon be available through

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amazon.com (United Kingdom)

amazon.com (Germany)

amazon.com (France)

amazon.com (Italy)

amazon.com (Spain)

It will also be available on Kindle (amazon) in a few weeks



ASKING PETER – watch out Dear Abby

Q: How long does he have to stare at me before I know he likes me?

A: If he stares at you approximately 4 hours and 22 minutes without blinking, he either likes you a lot or he is dead. If in doubt, poke him with a pointed stick and you’ll soon find out which one it is. Good luck…  (Asking Peter)

This kind of question and thousands like it, pop up on different ASK, as in: “whoever wants to answer”- Websites. Once in a while I answer a few of these, at times unintentionally hilarious questions. When I answer, I give advice based on experience, common sense and logic.

But during so many weak moments, I have such an urge to let my answers rip, lace them with sarcasm and silly suggestions; you know, totally off track. Unfortunately for me, that is not ethically acceptable as many of these people do seek sound advice and direction. I never leave mean or evil answers – no matter how tempted I am and how easy it is to do so – a lot. But I restrain myself mostly because my wife “advices” me to – she’s so strict, don’t you think?

Today’s post is about how I really want to answer some of these questions. As not to appear arrogant, rude or facetious (and good luck with that, Peter) I have corrected most of the misspellings, but kept some of the grammar in place as written. This is not a show of disrespect to those who submit concerned questions - not at all.

Q: How do I kiss passionately?

Me and this woman I have been dating for a while now are starting to get very serious. How do I kiss her passionately and make it special? I want to show her how much I love her with this kiss. We make out a lot but that’s more just playing with each other. I’ve kissed other girls before but I want this one to be special and different. How long should it last? Should I use tongue? Where do we touch each other?

A: You kissed other girls before what? Before they slapped you silly? How long should it last? If you are talking about passionate kissing, the average for such kiss without tongue is 2 hrs. 24 min. With tongue, it’s a bit longer as you periodically have to come up for air. Should you actually use tongue? Are you talking about your own tongue or somebody else’s tongue? Either way, if you have a tongue with you, YES go ahead and use it. Where to touch each other? I would say in your parent's bedroom (make sure they are asleep) or in the backseat of her mother's SUV - while she is driving you and your girlfriend home from kindergarten. Let me know how it went; pictures only. Good luck – and say HI to her mother from me; I do believe I know her - at least she sounds familiar... (Asking Peter)

Q: Would you stay with a girl if you found out that she wouldn't have sex until marriage?

So if you were dating a girl, and were seniors in high school, and it was pretty serious, you were in love with her, but you really want to have sex and she won't do it until marriage...would you dump her?

A: So in spite of being in love, you still want to have sex with her? That’s my boy – nothing like loveless sex (that’s what you wrote). Is it that she doesn’t want to do you, but wants to have sex with somebody else before she gets married to you? Ha, you didn’t ask her that, did you? Why don’t you just dump her anyways, just to be safe – that’s what I would do. Hey Dude, do you want me to dump her for you? I know how to do it – I have a lot of experience in being dumped – really. (Asking Peter)

Q: Girls do I sound attractive or ugly

I am aged 20 male I have green eyes short dark-brown/blonde hair. Pretty big sensual lips average nose and ears I am slim 60kg 9 stone average height of 5'10, I look younger then my age?

A: I’m not a girl (last time I checked) but I answer because it sounds like you need a lot of help, you sounding so shy and humble. I love your hair – as different as in weird. Are your sensuous lips pretty big or are they pretty and big? It’s so lovely to finally meet a guy with average nose and ears; especially since I have no clue what that means. You call yourself slim? At 60 kilos and 9 stone you weigh in at about 118 kilos (260 pounds) and since you are 5’10; that also makes you a bit wide, huh? So are you attractive or ugly? How about pretty ugly, but in a good way? Now work on getting out of your shell of shyness, okay? You are right, you also sound younger than you look, luscious lips and all. (Asking Peter)

Q: I attract too many girls, help!?

Ok, I'm not trying to be vein but I'm a fairly good looking lad and have a good personally and sense of humor, so I’ve been told, the problem is I attract a lot of girls and most guys will be like quit moaning, but it really messes with my head, should I just be more honest with a lot of girls and tell them early on I just want to be friends, help, what can I do?

A: Okay, not trying to be vein, so let’s go with vain – seems like you are doing just fine with that – even if you don’t know the difference. I envy lads like you, I really do. Not being able to beat these throngs of girls off with a pointed stick must be so hard; I can see how it will mess up your head (and hair). Yeah, tell them early on, even before you meet them, that you just wanna be friends and tell their mothers too, just to be safe. You could also tell them: "oh by the way, I’m gay", because that should cut down on the throngs… But of course then you might have to beat throngs of boys off with that same pointed stick. Gosh, this is so confusing; obviously, you can’t win – I’m so happy I’m not you, though I do envy that you have personally (!) and sense of humor. Some lucky lads have it all. (Asking Peter)

Q: I LOVE HIM!!! HELP?

So I was dating this guy and I did a mistake not a big one but yeah then after I did that mistake he was completely ignoring me not replying etc. After a week of not talking to him I put my pride to the side, and told him that I liked you and told him not to do this but yet he still did not reply? Is guys this heartless? My mistake was I told my friend what he told me about her but it wasn’t actually what he thought it was; he doesn’t even let me explain he just ignores. And this happened 16 days ago.

A: Are you a rap-artist by any chance? “Put my pride – to the side” Shaboom, bam bam snide… I told you not to tell him that you like me, so of course he will not reply – what the heck have you been sniffing? Guys is this heartless and you shouldn’t have told your friend that he said to her, when he told her what she thought he didn’t tell you because he repeated not replying after he told him that you like me. That should clear things up, don’t you think? But with 16 days behind you already, depending on where you stand or sit, you are running out of time. I wish you luck, but I’m not so sure with what, huh? (Asking Peter)

Q: What does it mean when a guy says you’re cute and it turns HIM on...?

And he's your ex and has a girlfriend.

A: That I’m talking with a non-heterosexual male I used to know? I am cute, so that will never be an issue, but since it turns him on, I would immediately call the PERVERT-POLICE… Oh, you meant he said that to you, being his ex and also has a girlfriend. Okay, does: "have your cake and eat it too” make any sense to you? Well, I didn’t think it would – and that, in an excitingly perverse and strange way turns me on… (Asking Peter)

Just a few examples. So my question to you is if Dear Abby should be shaking in her high heels? Do you think I would be a good source for comfort and advice, someone you would fully trust with your inner emotional concerns and feelings, no matter how sensitive and fragile? I didn’t think so; another possibly good career down the toilet…(flush-flush).

Till next Monday (buy my new book, huh?)

Ready to ship:

6” x 9” (15 cm x 23 cm)

232 pages

Paperback $12.95 ($3.95 S&H)

USA Only (see below)

If you want to get your copy signed (who wouldn’t?) please E-Mail your name and full mailing address to:

steiness@sbcglobal.net

Signed copies can only be purchased through me
(well of course)

This book will soon be available through

amazon.com (USA)

amazon.com (United Kingdom)

amazon.com (Germany)

amazon.com (France)

amazon.com (Italy)

amazon.com (Spain)

It will also be available on Kindle (amazon) in a few weeks

SPORTS – are we having fun yet?

Signs of early sports suggest that these activities started in China as far back as in 2,000 BC. That is of course a very long time ago and fully explains why some Chinese athletes are understandably really exhausted – wouldn’t you be?

Plato, old dude from Greece, was also known as a wrestler besides that philosopher side-business of his. But philosophy and sports didn’t hit it off as a pair, compared to how philosophy and arts, academics and education teamed up. Those bearded Greeks somewhat ignorantly scuffed at sports by naming it a non-serious activity – just shows you how little they really knew; brains overrated - wouldn’t you say?

But what happened next? Sports actually ended up becoming a dominant part of Ancient Greek culture, when it finally hooked up with the military establishment. This new interest in exercise and competition also became the beginning of the Olympic Games, a celebration to take place every four years; “yes”, it all started in the small village named Olympia (for date-seekers: 776 BC); not to be confused with Olympia in the state of Washington.

A fascinating fact is that the participants in the first Olympics were competing in the nude – true story, and I have a brown paper bag full of photos to prove it. I would not mind if that was somewhat brought back in time for the 2012 London Olympic Games in certain events (snicker snicker); not in wrestling, of course. Having two men roll around on a mat in all their nakedness would be a bit weird and perhaps uncomfortable to watch; don’t you think?

The key concepts in sports are competition, game and play. “Sports” derive from the old French “desports” meaning “leisure”, and for most of us, sports are leisure activities. I mean we watch lots of sports on TV, at our leisure, don’t we? But in my vast research on this subject, I never found the concept “fun” mentioned, and to me that is what sports should more so be about – as in: are we having fun yet?

Through my life I had the privilege being involved with soccer. I played the game from I was 4 or 5 and then I evolved into coaching the game. I have coached about 800 kids from 7 to 19 year old, girls and boys, men and women. The constant essential for me was to underline the reasons we participated. Besides physical and mental health, exercising sportsmanship and fair competition, my main thing was always to HAVE FUN. The harder we practiced, the more we learned, the better we played and the more fun we had – as simple as that. When we watch sports today, the leisure kind, amateur or professional, rarely do we get the feeling they have fun playing and that’s a very sad observation.

When watching kids play sports, I mean kids who just wanna have fun, they are for the most part being pushed by coaches and parents alike to perform beyond their abilities and beyond the adults’ absurd expectations; and where’s the fun in that? You hardly ever see a kid on the field smiling or laughing. 

We must remember that for the kids it is (still) only a game, but we (the so-called adult role models) keep forgetting that, because winning seems to be the only goal. So what this (adult) attitude creates is that so many kids quickly lose interest in something that is so important in their future and essential for the quality of their lives;  exercise, sports and health. Too many pushy parents and eager coaches turn the kids off early on– and isn’t that a pity?

We humans have a need to compete and we do it constantly. Competition is all around us every single day. Not only is it a basic drive in us, but we are relentlessly being taught and told to do even better, do more, do it faster and so forth, not just in sports, but in school, in the work-place and in between. So sports should be a positive influence, not only for the kids, but everybody; shouldn’t it? And what happened to team-sports, by the way?

In the USA, professional sports run annual revenues at over $30 billion. Players are being paid astronomical salaries (a local baseball pitcher just signed a 2 year contract for $46 million). Professional sports are only for entertainment, because competition is diverted by the individual player’s income and controlled by the cash flowing in and out. So-called team-sports become groups of highly paid individuals (and their huge egos) instead of solid team efforts aiming at the same goal: perform their best as a team, supporting each other in wins and losses as a team; and how about having some fun in the process? Team spirit unfortunately died many years ago, and what a shame that is; don’t you think?

The only sports-team I have followed my whole life is Manchester United (that would be soccer/football). But I have never considered myself a fan of ManU (fan, the abbreviation of fanatical), because I am not fanatical about anything at all, really. If you have to place me in a “fan” category, I am more so your fair-weather-fan, which means that as long as the team wins, I fan – team loses, I don’t fan so much. But I will pick up fanning as soon as the team starts winning again - yes, even what ManU is concerned. You see, to me professional sports are only bits of entertainment, so I exercise my right to turn it on and off whenever I please.

Sportsmanship has always been high on my list, and can easily be applied to so many other levels in life, not just in sports. Fair play, courtesy, ethical behavior, integrity, utmost respect for the game and the people playing, as well as being graceful in victories as in defeats. Those are simple guidelines that our kids would pick up if they were coached the right way and guided accordingly by their parents; what a great opportunity we are missing out on, as all this could be such great stuff all the way through life.

We have been surrounded by sports and its competition for thousands of years. It’s in our nature to compete. This strengthens us and moves us forward and for the most part it makes us better, faster, smarter and more accomplished. That’s why we need to approach sports and competition in a healthy and ethical way, mixed with a lot of fun and laughter; that way it’s a sure winner for all. So when asked: are we having fun yet? The only answer should be YES WE ARE…

Till next Monday

ATHLETIC FOOT-NOTE

When watching the upcoming London Olympics (July 27 – Aug. 12), make sure to acknowledge the enormous discipline, energy and time these young athletes have invested to reach this pinnacle of their athletic career. Don’t count winners and losers, but try to fully understand the same dedication by the first and the last crossing the line, scoring the goal, missing a chance or getting those top points – or not. I don’t care about the gold, silver and bronze, because I am too busy being in such awe of these youngsters – and I have always been, as they are ALL so very inspirational... and I must believe that they are (still) having fun doing it- and they don't have to be naked.

CHIVALRY – what the heck happened?

“Chivalry is dead,” she said, staring at the ground with sad and teary eyes. He reached for her hand and tenderly held it: “I’m so sorry to hear that; was she a good friend of yours?” Unfortunately, that is pretty much how dead chivalry is today.

Back in medieval times, the code of conduct for those shiny knights, underlined the virtues of honor, by serving their lords and the God above, as well as striving to “protect others who cannot protect themselves”; that would be women, the golden oldies, children and especially defenseless bunnies named Fluffy.

An even more important part of this code of conduct required the knights to thoroughly honor women, who at all times should be approached with kindness, courtesy and respect. Now, if I’m not totally lost in history, this great attitude towards women and other fair females on the home-front, they outright stole from the Vikings (my rough & tough ancestors). You see, the Viking male population respected and totally accepted that Viking women were in full charge at home and the key-holders to the family treasure chests – and as we acknowledge this, has anything really changed a heck of a lot since then in that department?

But where is that chivalry attitude today? No, I don’t expect all males to dress up in recycled beer-cans and carrying long shiny sticks, big shields and heavy metal hats decorated with colorful feathers, as was the fashion so many hundred years ago. I’m not asking you to grab those two half coconut shells, banging them together to emulate a charging white stallion – I’m not talking about that kind of chivalrous attitude; because that is still fully controlled and owned by Monty Python.

I’m talking about what chivalry should be like today: kindness, courtesy and respect towards each other. And “towards each other”, as we should break down all gender lines, making that a part of our code of conduct – please.

Chivalry is fairly dead today; but let’s do a bit of CPR (for those who do not know: cardiopulmonary resuscitation, stuff you do to get the old ticker ticking again), and see if we can bring some spark back into that near rigor mortis old friend of ours; let’s start pumping some new life back into chivalry …

Back in the sixties, in the bra-burning days of women’s rights and fight for equality, a lot of issues had been simmering for years and finally popped up. All of a sudden a male opening a door for a female, became more so a chauvinistically dominant insult than the courtesy it used to be – so chivalry and a bit of male pride flew out the window along with the burning bras. I always thought that was so sad; not the bra-thing, of course, but the other stuff – even back then.

Growing up, I was taught kindness, courtesy and respect towards anybody, and I never had a problem with that. It is still something I do automatically and as naturally as breathing and not watching reality-shows.

I don’t get to open many doors for my wife, because she tends to be too fast. I believe it’s because she is self-efficient and independent (also of Viking blood), that it doesn’t even cross her mind to “let” me be her courtesy knight in shiny shorts and flip-flops (this is California, you know – that’s what we all wear – all the time – even to bed – sleeping next to our surfboards, of course – but you already knew that, huh?) Racing past her, smashing her to the ground to reach the door first, so I can open it for her, isn’t the kind of chivalry we are looking for, is it? But there’s an idea…

We all agree that we like getting attention. We can also agree that we like giving attention, and not just to Fluffy. So with that established, getting back to using chivalry as a positive part of our lives should be a piece of cake.

Keep up the CPR; I think we are getting a pulse…

I open doors for anybody if the timing is appropriate. No, I’m not waiting hours on end for somebody to show up, so I can do my Knight in Shiny Shorts bit; because that might be really weird. But I open many doors and just about everybody smiles and says thanks; well, just about everybody.

Yes, there are the ones who walk through with sour faces and no smiles, just too blooming busy; not even a bloody thank you. But I do like them, because they give me a grand opportunity to loudly say: You’re welcome, with a strong smell of sarcasm, of course. I just love that part; it’s a verbal kick in their pride. For the most part, they do acknowledge that they were rude and ignorant; many of them turn around somewhat embarrassed and then they smile and spittle out something sounding similar to thank you.

But the ones who fail to do that, I run after, grab them, throw them violently to the ground and then I kick the royal crap out of them, teaching them a lesson or two about kindness, courtesy, respect and chivalry – well, in my dreams, for the most. But it would be cool, solving such annoyance with utter violence. I would have made such a good knight, don’t you think? And I would also have used one of them shiny pointed things…

We are getting close to a normal pulse now, and thanks to your help and willingness to bring new life into our old friend chivalry, there is a huge possibility of a glorious resurrection – amen!

The simple act of smiling, as I have mentioned in earlier posts, is also part of chivalry, because by smiling we are acknowledging the presence of another human being on our way. Holding doors and all that other stuff, does make for a better life around us, because I know that we all care. Let’s show some more kindness, courtesy and respect and honor those codes the knights lived by – so many hundreds of years ago; because it still works today, it really does – a lot.

Till next Monday (and beyond): LONG LIVE CHIVALRY

I WONDER Department:

I guess it was okay back then to say: Good morning, knight. But perhaps saying Goodnight, knight was deemed silly and inappropriate? Does anybody know?

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SPEEDOS & THONGS – not a lot of cover-up

It’s time to squeeze into my EXTRA LIFE LYCRA SOLID SOLAR 1 inch BRIEFS; that’s what they are called. We are more familiar with the abbreviation: Speedos; that little piece of Polyester/Lycra thing that covers just enough to avoid full nudity. I have no idea what the 1 inch is referring to, but if your mind is in the gutter, 1 inch is far from close – so quickly erase that picture from your memory – thank you.

Summer officially starts June 20 around here; but for me, where I’m located geographically, that tanning thing, melting away in the warmth of the sun, runs from March through September - approximately. I have always been attracted to the sun, from very limited rays back in Denmark, to the excess of it here in California.

I grew up in Denmark with breast feeding and Speedos, not realizing that big baggy beach shorts were the thing in the USA. After arriving here, I only made a couple of Speedo appearances on California beaches. Several groups of people gathered, hysterically chuckling and pointing fingers behind my back. “He must be from Europe or something…” was giggled the most. So I gave in and from then on covered myself in big baggy beach shorts, which I thought looked really stupid when referenced to my bony, though highly tanned lack of physique; also known as the dreaded NerdBoy look.

To me, sun-tanning feels rather wonderful. I’m not seeking a tan to look better, because that has never been important. It’s because it makes me feel a lot better – makes me feel healthier. So I pull on those tiny Speedos, because I want a tan on as much body as I can get a tan on. With a good layer of Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunblock SPF 70, I sneak out in the back-yard – where nobody can see me – I think; and then I melt in the sun for about 45 minutes – oh, it’s heaven and has always been (as long as I don’t get interrupted by the California Speedo-Police).

Speedos are used by most beach going men in Europe, no matter what kind of body they have – it doesn’t seem to matter and it shouldn’t. Sure it would be cool, even for me, if we all had washboard abs and a fab shape like David Beckman, but we don’t. But that’s okay too - it really is.

And then we have The Thongs, that tiny little piece of cloth covering the essentials (whatever that might be for some), fastened with a string strung up between the buttocks. I haven’t tried it (yet), but how the heck comfortable is that? Or perhaps exciting? If I ever find out, I’ll let you know (by the way, do they come in mint?)

Some females wearing thongs look absolutely fantastic, and some don’t; but it doesn’t really matter, does it? European beaches are dotted with a mix of Speedos and thongs and nakedness – and here it is big baggy beach shorts for the dudes and bikini thongs for the dudettes – where the heck is the equality in that?

My wife and our two boys met up with my in-laws in Spain some years back. Our oldest, around 14 at the time, was somewhat looking forward to see some naked women on the beaches – because that’s what they do, he was told – by his father.

Unfortunately, his first experience was an older woman whose breasts and buttocks were severely affected by gravity – a lot. Not even close to the Playboy Bunny of the Month he had fantasized about. Now he’s not too keen about those European beaches – or wearing Speedos – like daddy. But he’ll change his mind when I show him the beaches of St. Tropez… By “the beaches” I mean the female beach-goers there. This is not a chauvinistic comment, but simply one made with the highest respect for the human body in whatever shape or form - seriously.

When you consider the bodily areas Speedos, tiny bikini tops and thongs try to cover, why are we so much against public/beach nudity? I mean, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon, no offense if you are one, to figure out what’s under the covered areas and it’s not like we don’t know what those body parts look like – we pretty much remember them by heart. So I’m confused about that nudity thing, that one area we can’t show or air out.

But it’s very private, we say – but what does that really mean? When we try to find other reasons, besides the “private parts” thing, what else can we come up with? We are already exposing a lot of those “private parts areas” so why even bother with the $125 piece of triangled mini-cloth or the 1 inch speedos? Think about it, and then ask yourself: does it make sense?

Don’t get me wrong, because I’m as perplexed as the next Speedo-wearer. I think we have a twisted fixation about what we can show and what we cannot show, for whatever reasons. We are guided to the issues of vanity, shyness and decency (what?) with added pressures from ourselves, society and/or our cultures; but is nudity really that awful? Are we really that ashamed of our bodies? I’m not, but of course that doesn’t mean I want to show it to you – and isn’t that kind of weird, because, again, I’m not ashamed of mine?

Have you ever exposed yourself stark naked to the sun? It’s exhilarating and really makes a difference. No, gutter-mind, it’s not related to anything perverted or sexual (but there’s an idea); it’s simply a rather “free” feeling. But if I feel somebody is watching me, I don’t feel so exhilarated or “free” anymore. I would quickly cover up and scream PERVERT ALERT in the process.

A body is a body, and there are so many shapes and forms. Some are a delight to drool over; others make you want to look away and some makes you wanna puke – honestly. But that little piece of polyester in the front with the string in the back, does not make that much of a difference – it really doesn’t. But for some reason it does – and on some levels I obviously wonder why.

Nude beaches or being nude on most European beaches is no big deal. You can be naked, wearing Speedos to your heart’s content, bikini minimals, thongs or big baggy beach shorts – whatever is fine. It’s actually rather natural and very relaxed. Here in the USA, we have a long way to go.

But I will not become the naked poster-boy, machetting the way to new beach dress or undress laws around here. You will never see me strut down Venice Beach in my birthday suit (for some readers, that would be nude), holding a sign saying GET NAKED – NOT JAILED – in an effort to legalize optional nudity on America’s beaches. I’m too vain, shy, and uncomfortable and I still want to lose another 10 pounds and then get that David Beckham body look (I really hate him, because he makes me look so ordinary – shame on him).

Have a grand week (now where did I put those Speedos – oh, I’m wearing them already!)