Monday, May 28, 2012

THE LOTTERY – do you really want to win?

There is a gambler in all of us. For some, not a lot; for others it’s financial ruin. We all like the thought of winning millions by investing near nothing; a few get lucky and the rest of us tear up the tickets saying: never again - stupid horse. The following week we exchange never again for 10 more tickets, because it really could happen – and we are betting on it – again. But do we really want to win?
Several months ago, here in the USA, a Mega lottery had 3 winners sharing a $650 million jackpot. Each got $160 million after taxes. A few lives changed that day, a lot of celebrations and expensive champagne and the feeling of unbelievable euphoria, no doubt. Just imagine what you can do with that kind of financial power – you shouldn’t run into monetary hardship, even if you lived till the ripe age of 400 (which would light up any cake, huh? Fire Brigade at the ready).
Okay, so I won and I’m off on the initial shopping spree. We buy a new home with room for horses, new cars, a huge RV and other stuff. We’ll travel and do anything our hearts desire and then some. After that initial frenzy and the spending-dust has settled, I will consult with my new financial advisor (I have seriously already picked one), as depositing the $160 million check into my checking or savings account, would seem silly – if not slightly impossible and weird - but still be so damn cool.
I’ll settle related financial and legal formalities and arrange agreements with a couple of charities that I will donate money to. That should finalize the basic mechanics of becoming a new multi-millionaire – and here come the tricky parts.
Buying stuff is a piece of cake; but there are some other situations I know I will have to deal with, make decisions about, evaluate and hopefully resolve without people getting hurt, jealous, envious or utterly pissed.
I am positive that whatever way I resolve any of these “issues”, people will still end up hating me while calling me all sorts of nasty names. You see, I believe people around us, family and friends have certain expectations concerning how much of my lucky $160 million should end up in their pockets. So considering this, I’m not sure how lucky that winning ticket really is.
Okay, I seriously know that our family is not expecting anything at all. I know that they will be so happy for us, support us in our bonanza of good luck – because they are all such lovely people – they really are. We will of course invite everybody on vacations and cruises or whatever – no doubt give each a nice amount of money and then hopefully everybody will forget about it and move on with life as if nothing happened.
You see, when I give money or gifts or cruises to anybody, I don’t want that to affect our future relationship. I don’t want anybody smiling a lot more at me, agree with every bloody thing I say or do, because I gave them money and stuff. I think Sigmund Freud said it rather clearly: “Please don’t kiss my butt” (in German, of course); couldn’t have said it better myself - thanks Siggy.
But in the cases where families are not as lovely and functional as ours, you can only imagine the fights over shares of your money. I hear it can get pretty ugly. And the point is that no matter how much you hand over, it will never be enough. This is a true no-win situation. Imagine Uncle Burt never talking to you again, which might actually be a blessing (until he needs more money, of course). The multitude of casualties left on the field of lottery money, will be fully blamed on you; you broke up the family by being a bloody cheapskate – shame on you.
And then we have our close friends and the swarms of new friends popping up all over the place. Just imagine your 684 friends on Facebook alone? (Luckily I only have 14). Now you are in deep deep poop, as you might not even have enough money - how about that?
We have two sets of great friends, people we have known for 30 years. We love them dearly, friendships built on respect, trust and appreciation of our relationships. Okay, so they are doing fine financially and have no need for additional funding, things, trips, etc. But of course we will invite both sets of friends on cruises, vacations and what not, as well as give each of them a million or so (after taxes). And I will feel good doing that, because they will not treat us any different after that. It’s not like they won’t appreciate the gesture, but they will more so make fun of it and be kiddingly mean to me – in that loving kind of way; and I’m totally fine with that.
But then you also have so-called friends and people you have never met before, who will pop up from nowhere, guided by the smell of cash. They’ll congratulate you with big smiles, great investment ideas and open pockets. I will say NO to all of them and they will call me names, but eventually they will go away - I hope. All in all, these situations are still easy to handle, compared to the next tricky part.
The real tough one is to decide how to “deal” with your kids. We have two children who are now adults. They are both in that part of their lives where careers are taking off and things are moving along. Now we can dramatically help them along financially, make all their future monetary needs disappear – but at what cost?
You see, the question is: Are we really helping them or are we removing some of the excitement of creating and establishing a normal life by themselves? Are we eliminating the exhilaration of that first new car-smell, scraping enough money together for that first “own” home? By giving them millions, that joy will either be killed or at least dramatically diminished. So this is something that must be approached with the greatest caution and sensitivity; don’t you agree?
No matter what you do or do not, it will affect their lives. So the decision is not easy, as you must evaluate how much, how little, now and in the future. You must find the best and healthiest way to help them along without making them pathetically lazy, because we gave them too much and they don’t have to do a damn thing – for the rest of their (boring?) lives. It is really a tough choice, it really is; also because you cannot negate giving them money. So considering that you might actually ruin exhilarating parts of your kids lives, are you sure you still want to win?
Last I checked, I didn’t find stupid painted on my forehead. I will gladly suffer through the person-dealings, the emotions and decisions (carefully). If the option is to win or not to win, I’ll take the winning ticket. Then I’ll try to make the best and the healthiest decisions possible. Did you have any idea that it could become this frustrating with $160 million under the mattress? (Sigh).
We will travel a lot as there are places we haven’t seen yet. But we will also sit back and enjoy the added freedom a bunch of dough in the bank can bless you with. We live a simple life now, without the wild urges of accumulating stuff, and that is the lifestyle we will continue with – in a bit nicer surroundings while watching the horses in the fields. Of course there will be some extreme changes - but our life will also stay the same.
Now it’s your turn to fantasize – so go buy those tickets today, huh? Let me know if you win – and I’ll immediately become your new best pal ever; in spite of the odds, how lucky is that, my new friend?
Till next Monday and Good Luck
May 25, I (quietly) celebrated my first full year of this blog. I have done what I promised myself I would do: publish a new post every Monday. As of today this blog has more than 3,400 readers from 44 countries. I am humbled and in awe, and I thank all of you for your time and interest. I hope my stories will get you back again and again – and I will keep sharpen my feather, again and again, to make that happen – hopefully.     

Monday, May 21, 2012

THE TRUTH – can you handle it?

For the most part we look at truth being the opposite of lying, and I can truthfully swing with that. But the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (so help me Rhonda, help help me Rhonda) is unfortunately not that simple. You see, it has a lot to do with how each of us perceives what the real truth is, it's all about our interpretation and understanding, which can be far from how somebody else sees it.

In the movie A Few Good Men, Jack Nicholson’s character, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep stated: “you can’t handle the truth” which is a fairly correct statement and don’t you think that’s sad?  - Or maybe it’s really okay…
A footnote before we get started: I’m talking about the truth between us normal people, not the misconceptions of fabricated truths some politicians consider and perhaps believe to be real. 
Okay, it’s not like we lack ability to deal with alleged truths, but we must understand where that specific truth comes from, because when we know that, we’ll be able to handle it better. What I’m concerned, known truths are that the sun rises, we pay taxes, reality-shows suck and then we die; and pretty much in that order. What I mean is that known truths can be confirmed. It’s all the other truths that are tougher to understand and therefore tougher to handle; the ones not based on proven reality.
When speaking truthfully, we must remember that the person who is communicating with us, is only telling us something that he or she perceives as being the real truth, based on that person’s experience, information, logic and/or common sense. You and I might see that same truth differently based on our experience, information, logic and/or common sense. But what they are telling us is the truth as they see it, what they believe that truth is – and I’m totally fine with that. So the question is: can we actually find any real truth in all this, and will we ever know the real truth if there is any? Made you think, huh? I’m nitpicking, because I really wonder if that is true.
Wouldn’t it be grand if we could handle the truth? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just say what’s really on our minds, instead of having to sort things out in Nano seconds to come up with something that won’t be hurtful, rude or ignorant?
Do you think I’m fat?
You are beyond fat and you are ugly too…
And that is yet another friend down the drain. It’s not because you don’t love her, she was your best friend for so many years, but for once you just felt like telling her the truth, express precisely what was on your (feeble) mind that very second; she had to ask, didn’t she? Silly girl…
She was fishing for comfort and encouragement, because of insecurities concerning her weight and looks. As we acknowledge that, we hold the real truth back, we give in and then we go: “It looks like you lost a bit of weight the last….” Neutral and gentle, sweet and supportive. But another kind of truth is, that she knows precisely what you are thinking, which would be: “You are beyond fat and you are ugly too…” So why even bother?
In court they do that swearing-in ritual, promising to tell the truth. I don’t care how many hands you have on the Bible, the Koran or Mad Magazine, or how many fingers cover your heart, the whole truth and nothing but – so help me God (or Rhonda), is not always true to any extent. I truly trust that a lot of lying is taking place – remember, many of these people are fighting for their freedom, so lying by not telling the truth (duh!), comes in rather handy to help their case. Don’t get me wrong, I do wish for truth and justice, but we shouldn’t be naïve believing the truth is guaranteed just because a bit of a ritual took place - no matter how sad that is.
If we could secretly carry a voice recorder around, picking up our conversations and reactions to the many things we are faced with, challenged by and have to make decisions about in a 24/7 period, I bet we would find it rather interesting (disturbing, perhaps?) What I mean is that (yes, I know it cannot be done, but go with it anyway, okay?) we would be alarmed about how not-so truthful we really are.
So my brilliant idea is that we pretend not to be influenced by carrying the voice recorder around and are therefore being our normal charming selves (and good luck with that). After a long day, we sit down and listen to all the communication we went through; we dissect every interaction and listen to our responses. I bet you a can of tuna that you might find some honest truths, mixed with things less truthful and a lot of: “I shouldn’t have said that – I should really have said this” Some responses will make you feel real good, and the rest will question your integrity, kindness and character. But I find this amateur assessment rather normal and can you imagine how much we can learn about ourselves from this little experiment?
We do acknowledge the insecurities we all have, we know how fragile and sensitive we are and that's why we lean on considerations, no matter how far it will remove us from what we really want to say. So NO I don’t want you to tell me that I’m fat (and ugly too), because I am already aware of it, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear it from anybody else. So we approach with diplomacy and carefulness (thank you), and for the most part, that makes for a much nicer place to be in and far better relationships; telling the truth might happen, but in many cases, not even close...
If we all would like to be more truthful, we must work a lot harder towards being able to handle that added truthfulness better, because that’s really what’s in the way. Overall I think we are doing fine, but we can still improve.
To tell you the truth (giggle giggle), I have a tough time when “not being truthful” turns into outright lying; because compared to lies we can all handle the truths a heck of a lot better - don’t you agree? So in that case, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep wasn't totally correct, because we can actually handle some truths; and perhaps more than he thinks we can.
Until next Monday

Another footnote:
I referred to a certain Rhonda a few times, and for those of you who do not know, it’s from The Beach Boys song: Help Me, Rhonda released March 1965. Too tempting not to hum along after: “- so help me God” (help, help me Rhonda)… Oh well, sorry if you didn’t get it… (shoot, now it’s stuck in my head…)

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Monday, May 14, 2012

SAME SEX MARRIAGE – what’s the big deal?

I prefer saying: same-gender-marriage, because with the part of society who is strongly against these unions, the major issue is that sex-thing. It’s the vision (imagination?) of same gender making love, making out or having sex that is looming rather big. But admitting that this is one of the reasons they are against same-sex-marriages (just part of being homophobic), is another story. So opponents cover up behind other explanations, still condemning true love, respect and trust by denying two human beings the right to a life together in Holy Matrimony, just because they are the same gender; don’t you think that's rather sad?
It was good to hear President Obama finally express his support of same sex/gender marriages. Did he take a political risk? Did he shoot himself in the foot? I seriously doubt it, because I have such a massive trust in how far most of us have come with respect to compassion for our fellow human beings – maybe that is a bit naïve, but that's what I believe.
So that is also why I am convinced that we have three answers to the question about same-gender-marriages: For it Couldn't care less / Against it. The first two answers will be very dominant; no doubt about it.
Homosexuality has been persecuted for thousands of years; it has been illegal within many societies and countries and still is. But considering homosexuality a crime, even those many years ago, doesn’t make any sense to me at all. As with other issues and groups of people and individuals we so adamantly have been against through centuries (witch-hunts, the Jews, to name a couple of many) we have always “protected” ourselves by applying severe punishment of these so-called perpetrators. The core reason to this pathetic reaction, has always been ignorance; and that is unfortunately still a huge reason for our behavior, even today. But I believe (naïve again?) that due to today’s massive availability of information, we are becoming better educated and therefore less ignorant and less afraid of what we don't know.
It’s rather normal for us to be defensive about stuff we don’t really know much about; simply because we are uncomfortable and uncertain due to that ignorance thing, which means lack of knowledge; so we put our heels in the ground and place a derogatory opinion on the subject. Better to be safe than sorry, comes in handy. Becoming informed and then base our opinions on that, is a much better choice – don’t you think?
From other facets of life, some are told what to think and how it should be or not. What is true morality? Is it morally accepted or is it a sin? Gods, churches, priests, multitude of religions, the Vatican’s vast power, politics and interest groups, are setting the rules based on beliefs, faith and agenda. Faith followers can find shelter and safety in being told what to think and what you should worship and/or what to condemn. Makes it easier to have an opinion, no matter how ignorant that opinion might be to others – hence the opposition to (among many other issues) homosexuality…

Now don’t condemn me due to the above, because I have the highest respect for anybody who truly believe, follow and have faith in their religions, I truly do; to each his or her own (as long as it is legal, of course). And I expect to be respected for my point of view as well.
Do I fully embrace homosexuality? I do, but with a few exceptions (that’s not really embracing fully, is it Peter?) I do not like gay-pride parades, because I have never felt that any shove-it-in-your-face demonstrations are necessary. If you have pride in your sexuality, that’s great, but I don’t need any of the parades. And don’t expose heavy duty making out in front of me, as I find it done mostly for demonstrative reasons – so what’s the point other than making me feel uncomfortable? Don’t get me wrong, the same goes for heterosexual demonstrations of “just-because-we-can”. I’m an equal opportunity whiner – so take that.
Oh, this reminds me of the first time I was made aware of a person’s homosexuality. This was back in Denmark and I was probably around 21. This guy pointed at Jan, a new employee I had just hired: “Peter, you hired a fruitcake.” Fully understanding what he meant, I clearly remember my response: “Merry Christmas…” And in a nut shell, that was how little it meant to me back then; and it means even less to me today. I have never understood what the big deal is.
For those who are strongly against homosexuality (Adolf Hitler was one some years back), I can only say that I do respect their opinions (not Hitler’s, though), but only if I can get a logical and non-ignorant reasoning for this resentment, please; I'm all ears.
To clear up a bit of myth: NO you do not go to Gay & Lesbian Camp to learn the trade; NO being brought up by homosexual parents will not make you one-of-them. Just because I see a good looking male (being a male myself, and very heterosexually so, though not that good looking) and I say “Wow, he’s a good looking young man” or something like that, doesn’t make me gay (only if you mean happy or lively). NO, if your work colleague Linda is a lesbian and you are a heterosexual woman, doesn’t mean that she’ll jump your bones first chance she gets. NO, homosexuality is not abnormal, sick, perverted nor curable. Perhaps you can pretend NOT being a homosexual by staying in the proverbial closet and unfortunately many do - not a good way to live life, is it?

Then we have all the extremes, as in anything; but please don’t judge all homosexuals (or heterosexuals, or any other group in our society) by what one idiot individual, who is craving attention to his or her person does (why I dislike gay-pride parades), because that is not only ignorant, but also a bit pathetic - on both sides.
You see, the reality is that as with heterosexuals, homosexuals are just the same normal and mundane human beings. We all get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, we shower, we dress, we eat breakfast, we go to work, we eat lunch, we work some more, and then we go home and for the lucky ones, we meet up with that very special person we love, we respect and cannot (and do not want to) imagine what our life would be without. If that is Frank & Harry, Alice & Ellen, Kenneth & Cathy or Linda & Robert, should not have any form of importance, because the mix or no-mix of genders doesn’t make a difference - because we are all human beings.
Same gender relationships, from handholding to marriage, make sense to me. Because I believe that one of the most powerful rights we have as human beings, is the power and the euphoria that comes with falling in love, finding that special soul mate, no matter what color, what nationality, what faith, what creed, values or convictions – and no matter what gender combination; because it is really not that big of a deal.
When each of us respects diversity
we will ALL get stronger together

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Monday, May 7, 2012

THE ISLAND – who would you invite?

We all ponder the chance of meeting certain people, famous or not, dead or alive. We envision that tropical island in the sun, where we all gather for many lively meals with lots of wine and laughter. Wild debates racing between opposite views flying across the table, old ideas and perhaps new revelations; how cool is that?

I finally get to ask pressing questions: Did General Custer actually say: “Oh crap” when he ran out of bullets? Were Kennedy and Marilyn doing it? Did Moses ever admit he dropped one of the three tablets, thus making it only 10 Commandments instead of 15? Does George Clooney see me as his identical twin? But more importantly, who would you bring along? You say me? (I think I’m blushing – either that or I have gas).

Through our lives we are exposed to people from sports, academia, entertainment, politics, history, science and so forth, who are intriguing and fascinating, while others can make us puke because they are so innate stupid and pathetic. We are influenced by our surroundings to some degree and emulate what we see. For the most part we grab the good stuff to improve ourselves and then it would be awesome to meet some of these influences; don't you think?

The tough task is to narrow down this fantasy to ten people whom I wouldn’t mind spending a few weeks on the island with. Why ten? Why not? It’s due to limited space and my short attention span. So I have chosen people who would make me laugh as well as make me think; humor and brains - cool combo.

Besides my list of ten, I wouldn't mind spending time with the author Stephen Ambrose, Lewis & Clark, Picasso, George Harrison, Andy Rooney, Churchill, Beethoven; and just a moment with Captain Edward Smith of the Titanic twenty minutes before reaching the iceberg: “Hey Eddie Baby, you should make a sharp left turn just about now”; Mother Theresa because she was so cute; Mae West because she was so charmingly obnoxious - and the list is long and colorful - but only room for ten.

Of course we can also make a list of people we wouldn’t waste a blooming second with: Justin Bieber, anybody appearing on so-called reality shows, TV weather-persons, people who have issues with the police or the judicial system here or abroad, telephone marketers and folks with low hygiene (never understood that hygiene thing – instead of low hygiene, wouldn’t lowgiene save time?)

So not to get in bad pudding with anybody, insulting people for not including them amongst the ten, here is the strict rule to avoid that: Family members and friends, children of same, pets and my bunny Fluffy cannot attend; fair enough? I have elegantly avoided lawsuits and casual spanking. Here’s my list:

MY WIFE: Breaking the rule right away, but I’m writing this stuff, so there. My wife is my best friend ever and I would never, even in a pretend situation, consider not inviting her; that will not happen. She is the one that keeps me at my best, makes me a more enhanced person and she is the one I can be “just me” around. Besides my love for her, I have the deepest respect for who she is – really. She’s coming along, so take that.

JON STEWART: For those of you not knowing this, Jon is the host and writer for The Daily Show. He is massively intelligent, utterly funny, charming, quick and so animated. Though he is successful, it has certainly not made him big-headed – quite the opposite; humble is more the ticket. Would be a lot of fun to have him come along.

MERYL STREEP: Intelligent and funny, besides being a tremendous actress. Her humbleness in success is outstanding. And she would be able to entertain us a bit with songs from Mamma Mia, as long as she doesn’t bring her ABBA inspired clothes along; and of course she must have a few Maggie Thatcher jokes, don’t you think?

ALBERT EINSTEIN: The most complex of persons and the most simple, really. Though his mind swung in so many vast directions, he had a down-to-earth ability that surprised us. After reading several versions of his life story, I became a huge fan; even considered changing my last name from Steiness to EinSteiness. And we do need a dude with interesting hair to hang with - don’t we?

HILLARY CLINTON: I always see something brewing inside that head of hers. She is no dummy - far from, and she is not taking any crap from anybody. There’s toughness about her that I like, while keeping her feminine side intact. Bill screwed her over when he screwed Monica and I want to know how Hillary really feels about that disrespect and break of trust – don’t you? And then she picked up this new interest in finding out what happened to Earhart. Way to go, Hill - and now you'll find out.

GROUCHO MARX: I mean really! Just imagine Einstein and Groucho going at it – I can’t wait. Grew up with the Marx Brothers and no matter how many times I read about him, listen to old recordings and watch those silly movies, I still crack up big time; You Bet Your Life and besides being utterly funny, he was so far from being stupid…

GERTRUDE STEIN: Not because her last name looks so familiar in a shorter version, but because of her life and the great people she met on her way; Picasso and Hemingway to name a few. Her involvement in the arts was vast and important and I would be looking forward to chatting about Paris (not Hilton) and all the friends she surrounded herself with in those golden days; that would really be so cool.

MY PAL MICHAEL: Breaking my own rule again. Michael passed away last December, so he’s coming along for some last meals and fun chats. Wouldn’t be bad at all; I really miss him, his raspy voice, his dry humor and loving friendship. There will be kazoos for everybody; no explanation necessary.

AMELIA EARHART: Famous lost female pilot person. What the heck happened to you? I really want to know where she ended up, so she’ll explain it all on the island – over cocktails, of course, sitting next to Hillary. I’ll let you know…

JOHN WINSTON LENNON: I still miss him very much. One of those people who was taken from us and himself, way too early. He was always brutally honest which at times hurt him. But he stuck with honesty. Such a complex and simple man, with such a huge creative talent. And then there was that sharp sense of sarcastic laced Liverpool humor. He would have been 72 this year - what a loss for all of us, really.

So who would you invite and why? With the gang above, can you imagine the barbecue dinners, the chatter and discussions, walks on the beaches, but more so the laughter? Wow, it really would be awesome. Oh, a few more comes to mind: W.C.Fields, Johnny Carson, Woody Allen, Monty Python and so forth. But I’ll stick to the above list – like that’s ever going to happen. No harm in fantasizing a bit, is there? So go right ahead and get your group together.

See you next Monday - a rose is a rose is a rose (thanks, Gertrude)

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