THE ISLAND – who would you invite?

We all ponder the chance of meeting certain people, famous or not, dead or alive. We envision that tropical island in the sun, where we all gather for many lively meals with lots of wine and laughter. Wild debates racing between opposite views flying across the table, old ideas and perhaps new revelations; how cool is that?

I finally get to ask pressing questions: Did General Custer actually say: “Oh crap” when he ran out of bullets? Were Kennedy and Marilyn doing it? Did Moses ever admit he dropped one of the three tablets, thus making it only 10 Commandments instead of 15? Does George Clooney see me as his identical twin? But more importantly, who would you bring along? You say me? (I think I’m blushing – either that or I have gas).

Through our lives we are exposed to people from sports, academia, entertainment, politics, history, science and so forth, who are intriguing and fascinating, while others can make us puke because they are so innate stupid and pathetic. We are influenced by our surroundings to some degree and emulate what we see. For the most part we grab the good stuff to improve ourselves and then it would be awesome to meet some of these influences; don't you think?

The tough task is to narrow down this fantasy to ten people whom I wouldn’t mind spending a few weeks on the island with. Why ten? Why not? It’s due to limited space and my short attention span. So I have chosen people who would make me laugh as well as make me think; humor and brains - cool combo.

Besides my list of ten, I wouldn't mind spending time with the author Stephen Ambrose, Lewis & Clark, Picasso, George Harrison, Andy Rooney, Churchill, Beethoven; and just a moment with Captain Edward Smith of the Titanic twenty minutes before reaching the iceberg: “Hey Eddie Baby, you should make a sharp left turn just about now”; Mother Theresa because she was so cute; Mae West because she was so charmingly obnoxious - and the list is long and colorful - but only room for ten.

Of course we can also make a list of people we wouldn’t waste a blooming second with: Justin Bieber, anybody appearing on so-called reality shows, TV weather-persons, people who have issues with the police or the judicial system here or abroad, telephone marketers and folks with low hygiene (never understood that hygiene thing – instead of low hygiene, wouldn’t lowgiene save time?)

So not to get in bad pudding with anybody, insulting people for not including them amongst the ten, here is the strict rule to avoid that: Family members and friends, children of same, pets and my bunny Fluffy cannot attend; fair enough? I have elegantly avoided lawsuits and casual spanking. Here’s my list:

MY WIFE: Breaking the rule right away, but I’m writing this stuff, so there. My wife is my best friend ever and I would never, even in a pretend situation, consider not inviting her; that will not happen. She is the one that keeps me at my best, makes me a more enhanced person and she is the one I can be “just me” around. Besides my love for her, I have the deepest respect for who she is – really. She’s coming along, so take that.

JON STEWART: For those of you not knowing this, Jon is the host and writer for The Daily Show. He is massively intelligent, utterly funny, charming, quick and so animated. Though he is successful, it has certainly not made him big-headed – quite the opposite; humble is more the ticket. Would be a lot of fun to have him come along.

MERYL STREEP: Intelligent and funny, besides being a tremendous actress. Her humbleness in success is outstanding. And she would be able to entertain us a bit with songs from Mamma Mia, as long as she doesn’t bring her ABBA inspired clothes along; and of course she must have a few Maggie Thatcher jokes, don’t you think?

ALBERT EINSTEIN: The most complex of persons and the most simple, really. Though his mind swung in so many vast directions, he had a down-to-earth ability that surprised us. After reading several versions of his life story, I became a huge fan; even considered changing my last name from Steiness to EinSteiness. And we do need a dude with interesting hair to hang with - don’t we?

HILLARY CLINTON: I always see something brewing inside that head of hers. She is no dummy - far from, and she is not taking any crap from anybody. There’s toughness about her that I like, while keeping her feminine side intact. Bill screwed her over when he screwed Monica and I want to know how Hillary really feels about that disrespect and break of trust – don’t you? And then she picked up this new interest in finding out what happened to Earhart. Way to go, Hill - and now you'll find out.

GROUCHO MARX: I mean really! Just imagine Einstein and Groucho going at it – I can’t wait. Grew up with the Marx Brothers and no matter how many times I read about him, listen to old recordings and watch those silly movies, I still crack up big time; You Bet Your Life and besides being utterly funny, he was so far from being stupid…

GERTRUDE STEIN: Not because her last name looks so familiar in a shorter version, but because of her life and the great people she met on her way; Picasso and Hemingway to name a few. Her involvement in the arts was vast and important and I would be looking forward to chatting about Paris (not Hilton) and all the friends she surrounded herself with in those golden days; that would really be so cool.

MY PAL MICHAEL: Breaking my own rule again. Michael passed away last December, so he’s coming along for some last meals and fun chats. Wouldn’t be bad at all; I really miss him, his raspy voice, his dry humor and loving friendship. There will be kazoos for everybody; no explanation necessary.

AMELIA EARHART: Famous lost female pilot person. What the heck happened to you? I really want to know where she ended up, so she’ll explain it all on the island – over cocktails, of course, sitting next to Hillary. I’ll let you know…

JOHN WINSTON LENNON: I still miss him very much. One of those people who was taken from us and himself, way too early. He was always brutally honest which at times hurt him. But he stuck with honesty. Such a complex and simple man, with such a huge creative talent. And then there was that sharp sense of sarcastic laced Liverpool humor. He would have been 72 this year - what a loss for all of us, really.

So who would you invite and why? With the gang above, can you imagine the barbecue dinners, the chatter and discussions, walks on the beaches, but more so the laughter? Wow, it really would be awesome. Oh, a few more comes to mind: W.C.Fields, Johnny Carson, Woody Allen, Monty Python and so forth. But I’ll stick to the above list – like that’s ever going to happen. No harm in fantasizing a bit, is there? So go right ahead and get your group together.

See you next Monday - a rose is a rose is a rose (thanks, Gertrude)

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