We are blaming too many things and people for our
own mistakes, failures, faults and mishaps, and at times what and who we blame,
is simply silly, at times idiotic and for the most part pathetic, as it makes
no common sense; most of us play this game, but hopefully shame-blushing is a
big part of that process (sigh).
Blame
is the act of applying censoring or responsibility, by making negative
statements about an individual or group, that their action or actions are
socially or morally irresponsible, with the opposite being that of praise. But
for the most part, we also blame things for our missteps. And that makes no sense at all.
When someone is morally responsible for doing
something wrong, their action would be called blameworthy. By contrast, when
someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his
or her action is praiseworthy. But that is dipping in a bit deep, as
the type of blame we dish out daily (for most of us) is something we understand
much better, but that we use way too freely.
A white dude from Norway, no doubt (used as a metaphor) cuts
in front of me on the freeway; I curse him for being stupid, but at the same
time I include all white dudes from Norway (still used as a metaphor) and to make
it even easier, I blame the whole nation of Norway for driving like
idiots. Generalizations are quick and effective, but pathetic, stupid and most
certainly very unfair.
I seriously do not know why we use ‘blame-somebody-or-something-else’
so much; are we really so ignorant (obviously) that we cannot acknowledge and
accept whose fault it really is, who we really should blame for our own doing
and misfortune; blame ourselves and we’ll most certainly learn something
valuable in the process, like not to do that thing again? And do we really feel
better (fully justified) when we ignorantly and consistently divert responsibility
for stuff that are truly based on our own wrong-doings? The thing is that when
we do not admit responsibility for our own actions, it really weakens us. It
does not make us look stronger to any extent, only (pathetically) weaker.
That’s an image we do not want, is it?
Back in the days, one of the first couple of things
I always advised the people I worked with was: always tell it like it is (as
in: no lying). Dealing with the truth is much more effective as well as
progressive. And the other was: take responsibility for all your actions (as in:
don’t blame…). I found early on that when the ‘playing-field’ was obvious for
everybody, being forthcoming was easy, and reaching our goals took less time
and was more fun and effective.
Sure it’s easy to blame all Norwegians (I poke fun
of them because they are so rich – how dare they?) for this single dude’s awful
driving. But when I dissect it, I find that I should have slowed down a bit and
let him (and the entire Norwegian nation) into my lane, proving yet again what a nice guy I
really am. Problem and anxieties solved instantly – and I will still be thinking kindly of the Norwegians, no matter how much money they have (sigh).
I have always been driving defensively; told our
kids to do the same. I find that I’m in much better control – and I like being
in control in traffic. Taking deep breaths and relax accordingly is the way to
go; blame problem solved.
Shouldn’t we feel silly when we stumble over a piece
of root on the hiking trail, and then put the blame on California forestry as a
whole? Like the root suddenly jumped up and tripped us – I thought it did; didn’t
you see it, huh?
Next time you are in a (hopefully minor) mishap,
observe who and what you initially blame; but especially observe, how quickly the
blame-pointing pops up – as in ‘very fast’. Then take that deep breath and
distribute the blame to its rightful owner, namely and for the most part, ourselves.
I know it’s much better that way, as the root we just tripped over learns absolutely
nothing from being blamed, but the very moment we apply blame on ourselves, we immediately
learn to pay better attention and lift our feet a bit more, while hiking on a
‘rooted’ trail – a much better solution.
Conceding when we make mistakes in life, stumble over
roots, hitting our heads not bending down, burning our fingers on the stove and
the list has millions (unfortunately) of blame-worthy things we do, is the way
to go. It makes us feel much more in control and again, we learn so much more
that way, about how to avoid this mishap in the future. As kids we had to stick
a finger into a candle flame, in spite of the warnings from our parents. Sure
it hurt, but that was a lifetime learning experience, as we (hopefully) didn’t
do that again ever; but do we still blame our parents? And that is actually how all these blame-incidents work. Blaming
something (silly) or somebody (even sillier) teaches us nothing; applying same
blame to ourselves teaches us a lot – and we never get tired of learning stuff, do
we?
I truly thought that the above issue was only related
to human beings (like us), until I saw this posted on Facebook. Click, learn
something and be amazed:
