EATING OUT – something rotten in Denmark?

If you like hay, pine needles and lichen, also known as a plant like organism, alga and fungus and have a huge budget for eating – like real huge, you should make a reservation at the best restaurant in the world – if you can find an available table within the next many months or years? Dinner for two with a bottle of wine will set you back approximately $711, depending on how tight you are with tips. But not to worry, in this country, tips (gratuity of 15%) are included in the prices you see on the menu. Of course if you like hay, pine needles and plant like organisms, $711 is a barging – but something else is rotten in Denmark.

The restaurant NOMA in Copenhagen has yet again been voted the best restaurant in the world; this is the third consecutive year, so they must be doing something right. Looking at their Web-site, the elegance is there and their philosophy concerning the food they create is fascinating. Chef Rene Redzepi is finding a multitude of new and old sources of foods and all of it from the Nordic countries (NOMA is a combination of the two Danish words "nordisk" (Nordic) and "mad" (food)) - so there. The preparation and presentation is also rather unique. If you feel like inviting me to NOMA (you pay for me, of course) I’m often in Denmark; so how about making those reservations, okay? Let me know what year; I’ll even bring my own appetite.

We have an eatery, The French Laundry, in nearby Yountville (Northern California) and they are approximately 43rd on the list of the world’s best restaurants. As far as I understand, they are supposedly fully booked two years in advance, which effectively eliminates that spur-of-the-moment eating-out thing, when you don’t feel like cooking, as in: “Hey, sweetheart, how about going out and eat – in about 24 months – if we can get a table – and if we are still together, huh?”

The thing about Copenhagen is that over the last many years, it has actually also turned rather exciting in the culinary department. Many new restaurants pop up with fascinating and exciting concepts and menus. But it has not always been like that – actually far from, and this is where something is getting rotten in Denmark.

For some, eating is just something we do and must do to survive. Our two boys used to just open the refrigerator door and hope something edible would fall into their open mouths – covering lunch or dinner or whatever hunger-need needed to be covered; true story. As they have gotten older, food in all its fantastic varieties are now more so in focus. On our trip to Denmark and Sweden this summer, our youngest son took more pictures of food items than of anything else - seriously.

In Denmark years back, we would eat because we had to, and restaurants for the most part had basic menus featuring open faced sandwiches, meat-balls and lots of pork dishes. But that has changed; eating home and eating out has become rather exciting; but at an unfortunate cost.

 

As I grew up in Copenhagen, you would find a vast quantity of “polsevogne”, which directly translated means “hotdog cars” (See fascinating picture above). Here you could get a quick meal, consisting of (you are too fast for me) hotdogs, either a plain hotdog, with ketchup, mustard and a small rectangular roll; 

or a delicious hotdog, somewhat American style, but with huge Danish influence. I have eaten thousands of those things through the years, as expertly demonstrated below.

After every arrival into Copenhagen International Airport (or CIA, huh?) and driving somewhere, I stop (religiously) by the first “polsevogn” I see. I get a red and boiled hotdog with raw onions, mustard, ketchup as well as remolade (type of tartar sauce) and a soda. And I have about three hotdogs like that as one meal – not feeling any guilt what-so-ever. But those days are nearly gone, as those “polsevogne” have become an endangered species; not that many around anymore.

The Danes have become more sophisticated concerning what they eat, as well as fast-food establishments Burger King, McDonalds and the like have popped up all over the place – squeezing those polsevogne out; to me that is a national shame as I consider eating red polser a Danish birth-right, as it should be – right there next to breast-feeding.

The polsevogne hotdogs are red, colored red and the funny story is, that many years ago, the “food-ministry” or something like that, decided that the color used to make our hotdogs so festive red, had way too many terrible life-ending chemicals in them; even the research rats refused to eat any of them – they seriously went on strike. So in the government’s wisdom, the color was banned from all hotdogs and they now appeared in that nasty beige-like gut color (which is actually the part that holds a hotdog together, if we like it or not – and YUK on that)…

But the ban did not go over well with the natives. Massive arguments, protests and threats flew around and in the end, the pro-red-polse-people of Denmark won and the red coloring came back – hopefully in a less deadly version. The rats returned, doing the testing and as far as I know, most of them survive.

But will the endangered Danish polsevogne survive? I do hope so, as Denmark would not be Denmark without The Little Mermaid (who is now over 100 years old), the Royal Family, Lego, Tivoli, Danish pastry and polsevogne. My Mother is 93 and will not live forever; a fact I do realize. But Denmark without my three hotdogs with raw onions, ketchup, mustard, remolade and a soda, no matter how many NOMA’s pop up, pine needles and fungi, would not be the same Denmark I love so much – and to me, that is a true national crisis.  

  

So do me a favor when you visit Denmark, please support the grand polse-tradition by frequenting any and all polsevogne you see. And when you mention my name to any of the polsevogn-men and women serving you, they’ll no doubt say: “It’s such a pity Peter lives in America; business has never been the same without him here – we really miss him…” (True story).

They all had a least one hotdog - yes, I asked them all. 

FLIRTING – are you any good at it?

Though argument may suggest otherwise, I think that flirting and being flirtatious is something that you are either good at, or you stink up the place with. What I’m concerned, to be good at flirting we need charm, self-confidence, a healthy self-esteem, sense of humor (very important), quick thinking and a nice smile - just to name a few. Am I a good flirter? I think I am, but not to the full extent of the above. So are you any good at it?

I like the French origin of the term flirting. It comes from conter fleurette which means: “try to seduce” or the lighter translation: “to speak sweet nothings”. So are we trying to seduce when we flirt? Yes we are, to some extent – if that is what we are going for or not.

Flirting is a social as well as a sexual activity (now you are blushing, huh?) and can be a verbal, a written or a body language related communication by one person to another. Flirting is also known as coquetry, but we don’t use that term much; it is too difficult to spell.

There are very fine and ethical lines involved in the art of flirting, as flirting can be a very indirect and at times suggestive (sexual) form of communication that in most situations should stay within acceptable limits. We have “flirting with intent” and the more popular “flirting for fun”.  Playful flirtation can be amusing for all involved and I have always believed that when done right, not crossing those ethical and/or moral lines, it is more so a term of endearment than trying to score (sexually). Oh, and a female flirter is called a coquette (that word again) and the male one is called a player or a womanizer. I have never considered myself either of the two male-things, ever.

But of course flirting has a wider reason; it is a milder suggestion for greater intimacy, then what a present relationship justifies – as when meeting somebody you feel attracted to. The importance is to balance on the border of social etiquette (as not being crude and sleazy), as flirting with strong sexual overtones can backfire and erase any chances of getting to know the other person. As charming and as cute flirting can be, a wrong approach can kill any chances of success – in an instance (been there and done that – twice).

When we flirt (or think we do), we are trying, to some extent, to build a stronger bond with somebody else. It’s like “our little thing” kind of deal, and done right, we do feel flattered and appreciative knowing that somebody likes us beyond the basics of friendship, work colleagues, etc. Oh and let’s get the “work”- thing nailed down, so you do not get burned – or fired with a later date in court.

Flirting for fun is all, well, fun, but in the work-place (here in the USA) the fun can turn gruesome in seconds. Flirting in most shapes and forms is laced with light-to-heavy sexual connotations – no matter how much or not it was meant to be. But it has more so everything to do with how the flirting is conceived by the “target” – and for the most part, the “target” is always right. So the “I didn’t mean to imply…” will rarely hold water in your defense. This is the way flirting turns to sexual-harassment – not a nice situation to get into, so better watch out.

Yes there are horrendous lawsuits, some justified big time, but others are shamelessly exploited – just like so many other kinds of suits. And it brings me back to the part about being cautious, sensitive and considered.

If we do not have the “talent” for flirting, can we learn how to? I do not believe that we can – sorry; it has to come naturally, as with other things we do well. But that doesn’t hold back self-help books being published about how-to-flirt. Here are a few titles, and trust me, I could not make this up – really:

FLIRTING LIKE WILDFIRE

THE FLIRTING BIBLE

THE HIDDEN BODY LANGUAGE

FLIRTING FOR DUMMIES (my all-time favorite)

FLIRTING TO WIN

FLIRTING 101: HOW TO CHARM YOUR WAY TO LOVE, FRIENDSHIP & SUCCESS

MAKE HIM BEG TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND IN 6 SIMPLE STEPS

HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IN 90 MINUTES OR LESS

FROM HELLO TO SEX: THE MAN’S GUIDE TO GETTING LAID

Oh well, you get the idea. And I’m sure some people out there buy these titles and fantasize about the (fast?) results. But my point is still, that flirting is not something that we can be taught how to do. Don’t you agree?

So are the non-flirters totally lost? Of course not, as conversation, especially the art of listening and showing interest in getting-to-know somebody else can be just as effective; perhaps even more so, as flirting is considered a much lighter form of getting-to-know-you, bonding with you as is.

I have had a few disastrous flirting situations in my life – the ones I cannot forget; but overall I feel very comfortable with my flirting abilities – has never been a problem. Now don’t get me wrong Dear Reader, as I am not bragging, just stating a fact, which does not make me bigger (or smaller) to any extent. And of course, now that I am a lot older (more mature, as I prefer), I can flirt till I am blue in the face. Here’s a quote that explains this perfectly:  "One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like, since you have become harmless." 

And then there are the many times I get uncomfortable when flirting (being “charming and witty” (giggle giggle)). When I am being flirted back to, which is the normal order of good flirting, I blush, which I can still do, scrape the ground with my left foot and curl up inside, feeling extremely uncomfortable. So in most cases I can dish this flirting thing out, but I’m never good at being on the receiving end. Same thing with compliments, I can give a lot of them, but when directed towards me, I do not greet them well – at all.

Overall flirting is a good thing, as it is a way to tell somebody that they are special beyond the norm or the situation. I have never found that to be wrong – even in the work-place, as expressing our interests and feelings to people around us is just another rather natural way to communicate. When we stay within the ethical lines and borders, flirting with charm and wit, not with crudeness and ignorance, is rather awesome, sweet and exciting; don’t you think?

     

FAMILY – as thick as blood?

Most societies consider family being the principal institution for the socialization of children; the (blood-related) protective environment where children are brought up. Family is also explained as being the human context as a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, meaning: close relations or connection; and yeah I can’t pronounce it either. But even though we deem family the core of our lives, by underlining the assumed importance of same, does that make family association stick together as thick as blood?

Let’s get the heavy stuff out of the way; if you pay attention you might actually learn a bit here – scary, but hang on. Anthropologists classify family organization as matrilocal (mother and kids); consanguineal (related by blood, parents, kids and other family related members). And last but certainly not least: conjugal, meaning: husband, wife and some kids (perhaps a bunny named Fluffy?) also known as the nuclear family – because it can be explosive at times? No, it has no reflection on atomic weapons, but is related to nucleus, as in core – or something like that. And now to the easier part…

I grew up in that nuclear family thing, with a mother, a father and an older brother. Do I remember that era as family time? Do I remember it as that family thing, where we all loved, appreciated and respected each other while having a great time, creating loads of fantastic memories? In some ways I do and in other ways I don’t. But overall (retrospect at its very best) it was an okay time.

My brother and I had an estranged relationship that I do not wish to dive into. I don’t remember my father being that father-figure thing, whatever was expected. But my Mother and I have been friends as far back as I can remember, more so than mother and child – and we are still best friends (my Mother is 93 – I’m 67, if you really must know). She is back in Denmark and we phone-chat 4-5 times weekly. My Mother has dementia, but still recognizes me. I really like to make her laugh – so I do that as much as possible. The second we hang up, she has forgotten all about our chat – life as it also is…

I had a grandfather I really loved a lot and one I never really knew. I had a grandmother who didn’t like anything male, except my grandfather and their German Shepherd named King. I had two aunts and two uncles as well as I have three cousins. I have always liked my cousins a lot – still do. So it wasn’t really a huge family, whatever huge means. Were we functional as a family? I’m not sure, but that is also okay. We all seemed to get along – and isn’t that what families are supposed to do? Somewhat relying on that thicker than blood thing?

It was my father who once told me that because we are family does not dictate that we stick together in health and in sickness – and I have always felt he was right about that. We should not be ignorant and accept and/or fully agree with what the family does or decide 100% - just because we are (blood) related. Don’t you agree?

The thing is that we, by tradition perhaps, try harder to make family things work and work out – for the sake of the family… But I do not believe that there are any rules or laws stipulating our unconditional commitment to any specific family unit – just because…

My wife and I have been together nearly 30 years. We have two sons, who are now adults. My wife and I are Scandinavians, living in California. That was a choice we made individually, so here we are. I have never regretted my geographic move – except that I am so far away from my Mother, my wife’s side of our family, my cousins and some very good friends. I miss the possibility to just drive by and have a glass of wine with any of them – whenever I feel like it.

But fortunately we visit Scandinavia rather often and many family members and friends visit us here – either way, great, loving and fun times are had by all - seriously.

Being part of a family carries, or should carry, a lot of responsibility. I mean, just look at how many titles are involved. In my case I am a son, a brother, a cousin, a nephew, a husband, a father, a son-in-law, an uncle and most importantly, I’m also an overall nice guy… That’s quite a load of obligations, wouldn’t you say?

We just returned from 3 weeks in Denmark and Sweden. It was 3 very busy and fun weeks. My wife and I were privileged to travel with both our sons and our youngest son’s great girlfriend. We visited my Mother, which was tough yet again, as she is getting older and older; spent some days and nights in Copenhagen, visiting with friends and then off to Sweden and my wife’s side of the family.

If I’m not counting totally wrong, the number of considered family members in Sweden (some not blood-related, but members of the family none-the-less), all included, we are looking at approximately 34; to me that is a lot of members. And the amazing thing is, that I cannot find one (proverbial?) black sheep, as they are all genuinely lovely, nice, fun and simply great. No, Dear Reader, this is not written to score any points, as this is the simple truth. And I find it a rich privilege to be associated with this group – this wonderful family.

There is no doubt great human value in the nucleus of family, the togetherness blood relations bring us. But to me it would not be right to make that the whole reason to stick together, not just in health, but more so in sickness. I don’t think we should or have to, sacrifice all, just because we are related; no need to bend rules and convictions we would otherwise not bend – just because of the family. But I am also sure that we do bend the rules and adjust our convictions a bit more when silly uncle Bob screws up. And that is of course also okay – to a certain limit – but the blood gets a tad thinner in the process of non-acceptable behavior; don’t you think?

We have some great friends here in California and we call them our American Family. No, they are not substitutes, far from, as they feel like real family, as I believe real family should feel like: respect, friendship, consideration, honesty, humor, appreciation, love and other grand stuff like that. I could not feel any closer to any of them if you applied an extra ton of thick blood.

I believe it is utterly important to appreciate our families, to make this institution work at its best. We all have a need to belong, to be loved and respected; the comfort of support and appreciation, and those are just some of the essential necessities for a good and prospering (family) life. So we do that extra effort... If we don't, we really should.

My life is so much richer with the two families I am part of; the one in Scandinavia and the one here in California – in that respect I am and feel extremely fortunate, thick blood or no blood at all.  

A SIGN I SAW IN STOCKHOLM

(Goes for everybody?)

AND TALKING ABOUT FAMILY:

Victor Borge (Danish comedian) said about performing:

“I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.”