LIFE – can be extremely unfair

If I’m not totally off track, we all want to live balanced lives, with a good mix of love, emotions, accomplishments, family and friends; the list is very long. But it’s a simple list - in all its complexity, as what we expect is to live full and happy lives and then eventually die of old age; at least that’s the simple plan. But now and then untimely deaths get in the way of those plans – and in too many cases, those deaths make life extremely unfair.

We are born, we live and we die – the beginning, the middle and the end. Those are the bare facts, like it or not. I’m far from thrilled about the ‘die’ part. Not that I’m afraid of dying, as it is unavoidable, but more so because I’m utterly afraid of not living; there’s a huge difference. So I’m aiming at kicking the proverbial bucket a long time from now and ‘yes’ I am doing stuff to prolong the time of that last kick – making my life as full and as long as possible. But then again, we never know what will happen, do we?

My Mother’s husband (Anker) of many years worked hard creating a successful business. After he sold it, they bought a farm. He farmed for some years, but then he finally decided it was time to retire, just enjoy many, many golden years with my Mother; he was 58, healthy as could be and with money in the bank.

But then he got very ill. He was treated with strong medication – it didn’t work. He went through months of painful and tedious treatments – with no healing results. The doctors told him that he would not get better and would be strapped into a wheelchair for the rest of his life, while inhaling strong medication with horrendous side effects and painful treatments three times weekly. To him that was not living, so his decision was not difficult.

He asked friends and family to visit him one last time at the hospital for farewells. After all the tears, he asked the doctors to let him pass by making him comfortable with heavy medication and pull the proverbial pluck. He died quietly shortly after; he barely made it to 64 – how the heck is that fair? 

My best buddy Michael suddenly died at age 68, in the middle of enjoying retirement, which is the deserved payment for lifelong work and accomplishments. This was the time to spend with his children, his grandchildren and do all those many things we have earned to do from a full working-life. But it was cut short, way too short, as Michael had so much more life to live. So please, can you see the fairness in that?

The 19^th of February Lasse died; my dear sister-in-laws partner for many, many years. I have not accepted nor do I understand his passing; I feel enraged yet again, as I cannot see any form of fairness in this – why Lasse; what the hell had he done?

He was a solid man, rock solid. The many times we spent together here in California and in Sweden are great memories – and not just in retrospect. During one of our annual visits to Sweden some years ago (where my wife’s side of the family lives), Lasse told me that he was taking me to a soccer match in Stockholm (Hammersby FC). It would be about 5-6 hours of just Lasse and I together. My main concern was ‘what the heck should we talk about for 5-6 hours? You see, Lasse did not speak English and my Swedish is only fair and not fully spoken like the natives do. But Lasse understood some English, so we started our soccer-trip and made the conversation work – extremely well.

And we didn’t stop talking. I switched between Swedish and English and it seemed we had a lot to chat about – and we did. Hammersby lost, but we barely noticed.

Then a year ago he was getting ill (cancer), operated on and got better. But a few months ago he got worse – a lot worse. He was brought to the hospital for observation and then he suddenly died. 

Why Lasse? I ask myself again and again. Why this gentle man who had worked all his life, had retired early on and was going to enjoy children and grandchildren, Lena of so many years and with so much ‘stuff’ yet to do? They even got a cute dog. Lasse was going to celebrate his 63. birthday in July. Can you find any fairness in this?

Life is wonderful – I have only few complaints. But when we lose people we know, love and respect too early on in their lives, I do get angry, saddened and feel so utterly helpless. But it is not about me at all, it’s all about Anker, Michael and Lasse who had their lives cut short unfairly. Yes, they are such great loses for the many people who were lucky and honored enough to know them and I miss them terribly; but still, the deeper sadness I feel, is that they did not get to live those full lives they had truly earned.

Life is busy for all of us, one way or another. In our hurries from one place to another we tend to forget the one most important thing to live by: 

TAKE NOTHING AND NOBODY FOR GRANTED

We never know what tomorrow will bring, so enjoy and appreciate today with all your might. When we lose friends and family-members, we go: ‘I should have, I could have, I would have; if they were still here’. Don’t let that happen anymore, as we never know what tomorrow will bring – we have no clue.

LIFE IS PRECIOUS – PLEASE LIVE ACCORDINGLY

NAKED – let’s have another peek

Not that I want to strut around in my birthday suit (for you foreigners, meaning so totally bare); but really, what’s the big deal? What is it that makes us so extremely uncomfortable with nakedness, the exposure of genitals, buttocks and breasts? Why are we so protective of our own nudity? Well, you’ll get all the answers here, at least from where I’m sitting - all naked. Nah, just kidding as that would be weird on too many levels – even for me. So let’s have a peek.

Evolving as a species back in the days, we all started out naked and still do. We quickly figured out to cover up by dressing according to the weather and still do. Eskimos in Northern Greenland do not go out with their spiky things to hunt bears being totally naked and Hula-dancing girls in Hawaii do not perform in fur-skirts and matching mittens. Well, you get the idea.

With respect to ‘naked’ I’m not proposing that we ignore the weather and strut around as bare as can be ‘just because’. Can you envision the awkwardness of checking out at the super-market with a long line of nude people in front of you; that image makes me shiver as in: ‘Oh My God’. How about ‘Casual Friday’ at the office turning into ‘Naked Everyday’ and the ‘Boston Marathon’ becoming the ‘Boston Nakedthon’ – enough visuals to make you puke? But it’s not really that kind of ‘naked’ I’m concerned about – though I probably should be.

We are constantly bombarded by the media, movies, TV shows, commercials, magazines, etc. We are told to buy this, exercise that and eat whatever. Lifestyle-wise we are all affected by these bombardments, if we admit it or not. 

Through this constant bombardment we have also been ‘taught’ a million times what the human body should look like. All women should be slim with shapely buttocks, an equivalent pair of perky breasts, long legs, full lips and hair to match. All men should have tall, lean and muscular bodies with washboard abs, sculptured arms, strong legs, pearly white teeth and a five o’clock shadow. Sounds surprisingly like it could be me – only kidding… except for the five o'clock shadow.

But that is not the real world – at all. To me it’s fluff, though I appreciate nice looking bodies, naked or not, anytime – but here on Earth, true nakedness and body-shapes are such different stories. We should appreciate and enjoy what we have and not compare with fantasy laden images of what is considered body-perfection, because in that case only few of us will win – so you see, it’s not fair at all.

I like a tanned body, so I spend time in the back-yard in the rays, dressed only in Speedos and sun-screen. Would I lie on the beach in that outfit? Nope, as in: Are you kidding me? 

The reason is that I certainly do not look like Michelangelo’s David or like any of the dudes described above. First, I need to lower my weight, sculpture (cool term) my body in most places, etc. You might know the routine. So the point is that I am not even close to what is depicted and pumped up to be this unattainable for us ‘normal’ people, body-perfection, what we are ‘supposed’ to look like, what we no doubt want our bodies to look like. So this body-perfect image we mentally carry with us, gets in the way of implementing and accepting the physicality of the bodies we actually have, as well as most of the bodies we are surrounded by. 

This concept of delusional perfection creates insecurities, embarrassment, awkwardness and anxieties concerning our own nudity. When we feel bad about the way our bodies look, of course we will always find ways to cover it up, keeping any nakedness to ourselves - amen.

For the most part we are brought up in the world of ‘naked-phobia’, meaning that naked is not considered good. But naked is of course not bad at all, really. For crying out loud, we carry ‘naked’ with us all the time, covered up or not. It is a huge part of who and what we are. But remember, exposing too much nakedness can also put you in jail, embarrass the heck out of your parents, make people point and giggle and make others nauseated; so use a bit of moderation – if you really have to.

As kids we are no doubt deeply damaged and scarred for life when we accidentally rush into our parents’ bathroom and see mom or dad or even worse, see BOTH of them naked. They all scream bloody murder while quickly trying to cover up their genitals and in mom’s case, genitals and as many breasts as possible... But it is all too late as the horrendous destruction is forever etched unto our brains, as an everlasting horrific memory. 

So what do we learn from this? That parents should always lock the door to the bathroom. Not that easy, as it unfortunately informs the kids that being naked is shameful and disgusting (and in some cases it is); at least that's what we acknowledge by our parent's reaction. Yeah, damaged for life we are.

 But showing off our bodies is something we still do anyway, no matter how ‘naked’ is perceived. We wear clothes that underline what’s underneath (our naked bodies, duh…). In most cases I’m all for it, as there are a lot of nice (normal) bodies around. They can be imagined with tight pants and shorts, body-fitting tops, T-Shirts, low-cut blouses, tank-tops and so on. Some clothes can be so revealing that using ones imagination is a waste of time – and in some of those cases I’m all for it, I really am, because I appreciate the human body in most cases – always have.

I cannot revolutionize the naked morality issue here in the USA, change it to something a lot more relaxed. When looking at the beaches in most of Europe, you’ll see thong-clad topless females or simply naked in all their serene nudity. Men in all shapes and bodily forms strap on the tiniest Speedos, guts and all hanging out. But it’s the sense of acceptance of this nakedness, not being a big deal and therefore the lack of curiosity that makes it, well, so natural – as it should be; a much more relaxed attitude.

We talk about ‘private parts’ as if it’s the work of the Devil. In some countries women must cover up their faces; I wonder if that is also a ‘private part’. Here we can show noses, elbows, the occasional knee, an ear and so forth; but genitals, butts and breasts are to be covered at all times – or else…

‘Private parts’ is as ingrown a term we can get; but is it good or bad? You see, that is the question and no matter how much society’s ethics and laws try to fight this issue, we can still learn to be more relaxed about ‘those’ parts, be more acceptable and relaxed about our own bodies by halting the comparison with those ultra-body perfections we so desperately are trying to apply and honestly have a hard time living up to; at least for most of us.  

I have always been fascinated with human brains (great transition, huh?) I am very absorbed about what’s going on in there. Bodies are fine, but show me an interesting brain and I’m sold; and your body can look like whatever – pretty much. What I have between my ears I seriously consider my ‘private parts’, because it’s where ‘I am, who I am, what I am’, mixed with trillions of emotions, thoughts, knowledge and the list is utterly long; a lot of that stuff is extremely private, a lot more so than those three physical things we have a hard time mentioning or even look at (Yuk, Barf & Hurl) – but you know what they are.

Bodies are just that: bodies; especially when naked. With that said, we should and must always take good care of them, as they are the only ones we’ll ever get and which we will carry around from birth till death. So let’s respect our bodies more by not being so critical by comparing to (media) perfection? Let’s be a lot more accepting, respecting and appreciating of our bodies and the bodies around us – as is. I seriously trust that when we do that, we’ll also become a lot more relaxed concerning nakedness, nudity and bare-all; and perhaps someday, become less uptight about those ‘private part’ things? Pushing it a bit too far? Okay, but I tried…