If I’m not totally off track, we all want to live
balanced lives, with a good mix of love, emotions, accomplishments, family and
friends; the list is very long. But it’s a simple list - in all its
complexity, as what we expect is to live full and happy lives and then eventually
die of old age; at least that’s the simple plan. But now and then untimely deaths get
in the way of those plans – and in too many cases, those deaths make life
extremely unfair.
We are born, we live and we die – the beginning, the
middle and the end. Those are the bare facts, like it or not. I’m far from
thrilled about the ‘die’ part. Not that I’m afraid of dying, as it is
unavoidable, but more so because I’m utterly afraid of not living; there’s a
huge difference. So I’m aiming at kicking the proverbial bucket a long time
from now and ‘yes’ I am doing stuff to prolong the time of that last kick – making
my life as full and as long as possible. But then again, we never know what
will happen, do we?
My Mother’s husband (Anker) of many years worked
hard creating a successful business. After he sold it, they bought a farm. He
farmed for some years, but then he finally decided it was time to retire, just
enjoy many, many golden years with my Mother; he was 58, healthy as could be
and with money in the bank.
But then he got very ill. He was treated with strong
medication – it didn’t work. He went through months of painful and tedious
treatments – with no healing results. The doctors told him that he would not
get better and would be strapped into a wheelchair for the rest of his life,
while inhaling strong medication with horrendous side effects and painful
treatments three times weekly. To him that was not living, so his decision was
not difficult.
He asked friends and family to visit him one last
time at the hospital for farewells. After all the tears, he asked the doctors
to let him pass by making him comfortable with heavy medication and pull the
proverbial pluck. He died quietly shortly after; he barely made it to 64 – how
the heck is that fair?
My best buddy Michael suddenly died at age 68, in
the middle of enjoying retirement, which is the deserved payment for lifelong
work and accomplishments. This was the time to spend with his children, his
grandchildren and do all those many things we have earned to do from a full
working-life. But it was cut short, way too short, as Michael had so much more
life to live. So please, can you see the fairness in that?
The 19th of February Lasse died; my dear
sister-in-laws partner for many, many years. I have not accepted nor do I
understand his passing; I feel enraged yet again, as I cannot see any form of
fairness in this – why Lasse; what the hell had he done?
He was a solid man, rock solid. The many times we
spent together here in California and in Sweden are great memories – and not
just in retrospect. During one of our annual visits to Sweden some years ago
(where my wife’s side of the family lives), Lasse told me that he was taking me
to a soccer match in Stockholm (Hammersby FC). It would be about 5-6 hours of just
Lasse and I together. My main concern was ‘what the heck should we talk about
for 5-6 hours? You see, Lasse did not speak English and my Swedish is only fair
and not fully spoken like the natives do. But Lasse understood some English, so we started our soccer-trip and made the
conversation work – extremely well.
And we didn’t stop talking. I switched between
Swedish and English and it seemed we had a lot to chat about – and we did.
Hammersby lost, but we barely noticed.
Then a year ago he was getting ill (cancer),
operated on and got better. But a few months ago he got worse – a lot worse. He
was brought to the hospital for observation and then he suddenly died.
Why Lasse? I ask myself again and again. Why this
gentle man who had worked all his life, had retired early on and was going to
enjoy children and grandchildren, Lena of so many years and with so much
‘stuff’ yet to do? They even got a cute dog. Lasse was going to celebrate his 63. birthday in July. Can you find any fairness in this?
Life is wonderful – I have only few complaints. But
when we lose people we know, love and respect too early on in their lives, I do
get angry, saddened and feel so utterly helpless. But it is not about me at
all, it’s all about Anker, Michael and Lasse who had their lives cut short unfairly.
Yes, they are such great loses for the many people who were lucky and honored
enough to know them and I miss them terribly; but still, the deeper sadness I
feel, is that they did not get to live those full lives they had truly earned.
Life is busy for all of us, one way or another. In
our hurries from one place to another we tend to forget the one most important
thing to live by:
TAKE
NOTHING AND NOBODY FOR GRANTED
We never know what tomorrow will bring, so enjoy and
appreciate today with all your might. When we lose friends and family-members,
we go: ‘I should have, I could have, I would have; if they were still here’.
Don’t let that happen anymore, as we never know what tomorrow will bring – we
have no clue.
LIFE
IS PRECIOUS – PLEASE LIVE ACCORDINGLY
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