FROM CUTE BABIES TO CLEVER KIDS

Let’s all admit that babies are cute - and no matter the irrational side to the following, that is pretty much how we decide to make our own adorable babies. What I’m concerned, if that cute baby part doesn’t smell of conspiracy regarding the attempt to move the human race forward, I don’t know what it smells like (besides that horrific diaper odor).

ELVIRA – PART OF THE CONSPIRACY

After they pop out, grow up a bit, begin to walk and especially start talking, we belatedly acknowledge that a more rational pre-reproduction thinking should have been considered. The work involved having a child is tremendous - and the cost? OMG. Nobody told me about all this stuff; not even my Mother – but of course I never asked her, because babies are soooo bloody cute.

Role-Model is soon tattooed on our foreheads and the huge responsibility it brings along, nobody can teach us about or even make any sense of; we wouldn’t understand. We simply have to learn on the job - and what a job it is, especially when you want to do it well.

It would be easier if kids were just like “duh” for a really long time (okay, some are like that, even deep into their golden years and beyond). But we soon find that kids are so far from stupid – they are actually very smart and clever; a thing we self-proclaimed adults at times forget or might not willingly admit to; but to me from cute babies to clever kids is extremely real (and exciting).

Thinking back to the childhood of our two sons, so many fond moments pop up, they really do. When I look at pictures from back then, I often find tears rolling down my suntanned cheeks – tears of joyous remembrance (sigh). Images bring back conversations we had, the (role-model) parent constantly explaining to the child, about things and stuff, this and that, why and why-not, how and how-not – and I never used: “just because”.

I decided pre-birth to communicate with our sons, from the time they were born, the way I did and do with adults. In my evaluation, I felt that a lot of the gagga-googgoo stuff was derogatory (as in: degrading) towards the babies and kids. Now you can huff & puff and disagree, but that’s how I did it. Not as a reason why, but I was an older kind of parent at about 40 with my wife about 30.

When we got pregnant with the first one, I decided to quit my day-job and become an at-home parent (while starting a new business, also from home, at the same time, with my wife going back to work). Of the three greatest decisions I have ever made in my life, marrying my wife was the first; staying home with our first born was the second and staying home with our second son, was the third – no contest what-so-ever.

So it was the start of that on-the-job hands-on learning curve of becoming a role-model and the best parent that I could be. I quickly acknowledged the raw reality that every single situation that was new to me as a parent was new to the kid as well. So as that quickly sank in, I was much more respectful in my parenting. I wasn’t always the one being right – when I listened to the child’s opinion. But that was also okay and something I think we all respected.

There is such a refreshing honesty beaming from most kids. It can be cruel at times and as kids grow up, that cruelty can be crushing – but we must understand that at that point in their lives, they don’t know any better. We try to explain, but then we at times also forget the maturity level these kids are on, so we don’t understand why we don’t connect, when we really should know better.

They tell us the truth as they see it, and due to our beliefs, our experiences and morals, we might find that truth irrational, rude and inconsiderate; but they don’t know any better - yet. Sure there is a lot of experience missing as they are young, but I truly believe that if we as parents (role-models) acknowledge that more so than we do, standing stubbornly on how WE feel about it, not trying to understand more so how the kids feel (and would know) about it, a lot of these conflicts would be non-existing. As adults we must acknowledge this much more than we do, as we cannot (yet) expect this understanding from the kids – we really can’t.

“Elvira, you must remember that you cannot beat up on your older brother the way you did.” The father (aka: role-model) communicates to his daughter. “Now he has a bloody nose, scratches on his face and a bruised ego – why did you do that?”

“He kept calling me names and he messed up my room and was being utterly stupid and immature…” She spoke in a clear and controlled voice.

“But sweetheart, you know how we have told you so many times that we do NOT solve problems with violence; don’t you remember?”

“But Daddy, I sat him down and explained the situation so clearly to him. I told him, just what you said about “problem solving, not using violence”, and that’s when he tore off Beach Barbie’s bikini and told me she was ugly…”

“And then what?”

“I beat the crap out of him…” Elvira had a smirk plastered on her face.

“But sweetheart, you are seven years old and you should know better by now…” She interrupted her father.

“Daddy, now you are using my age in relation to knowledge and experience. As you know “age” is just a measure of time – and nothing else…” The father became slightly puzzled – and cleared his throat…

“Well, but let’s refrain from violence when solving problems, okay?” And he got up to flee the room… But Elvira had not even started.

“Daddy, you talk about not using violence when needing to solve a problem; I understand that, but can you explain to me why we have wars? Why did 625,000 die in the Civil War; all of them Americans, brothers killing brothers, fathers? The First World War with 11 million killed; Second World War with about 60 million. And why are about 13,000 here in America murdered annually? Isn’t it for the most part to solve problems? And how about suicides? About 26,000 men and 7,000 women find that to be a way to “solve” things? So where’s your logic? Why are you telling your child to refrain from problem-solving violence when that is all we see around us? I mean, turn on the TV and there you go – guns in hands, solving stuff…” Father cleared his throat.

“Do you think we can fix Beach Barbie’s bikini?”

The point is that we do want to teach our children about a better world, and we do our best – at least we try (A for effort). But at times logic clashes with reality, a reality our children let us know about – and as the kids see the bigger pictures much clearer than we give them credit for, we should all meet halfway?

No, kids shouldn’t rule the world. They will eventually, but they are not ready yet. And that’s the job we are doing, preparing them to take charge. When we acknowledge and respect wherever they are, perhaps listen to them with bigger ears, I look at a great future and not a lot of worries. Sure those babies are cute, and then they turn into clever kids – which I also find is as cute as can be; with a lot of respect, of course.

Till next Monday – listen to a kid, really; they’ll tell you the truth…