There are millions of things we take for granted; we trust, expect, anticipate, assume and believe certain things will happen when we do this or that or when we do nothing at all. In my opinion we don’t give things we take for granted enough credit or appreciation – well, because we take them for granted; duh!
Taking things for granted can be translated into stuff we expect will happen; action causing predictable and expected reaction and that includes all the mechanics surrounding us 24/7. Turn the key and the car starts; punch a number on our Smartphones and we are connected, actually connected to the world; computers are incredible instruments we take for granted big time and we even scream at them if they are too slow; we expect airplanes to stay afloat and land safely, but complain about the small bags of peanuts; hot water in the shower and multi functioning TV’s. The list of these appliances that we ignorantly take for granted, is obnoxiously long.
So once in a while stop and find appreciation in that your car starts and drive, mobile phone works; the complex construction of PC’s and how the heck do they do all that stuff – so fast; the physics of planes flying (accepting the peanuts as a cruel joke) and that at 35,000 feet and thousands of miles away from home, I can set the programming on our TV, using my iPhone, while eating those stupid peanuts. Isn’t all this amazing – really? And then we take it all for granted – when we should appreciate – huh?
But that is just all the “stuff”. So looking away from all the “stuff” for a moment, we acknowledge that the “taking for granted” thing also flourish rather well between us human beings; and this is where it becomes a bit tricky, at times sad and perhaps disappointing. We don’t really want that to happen, do we?
American psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote the following: “Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you have become a comfortable, trusted element in another person’s life.” I’m not sure about you, but do you want to be called a comfortable, trusted element? Sounds more like something you would call that old trustworthy sofa you have taken for granted for years. But Joyce is cautious because she writes: can be a compliment; I certainly do not want anybody to take me for granted – comparing me to the bloody wall-to-wall carpeting.
For some reason, I find that when we start to take people for granted, which involves being able to predict their actions on all levels, it becomes a form of personality assassination – no matter what little or how much personality they had before we started to take them for granted. So you see, taking me for granted, assuming I will do this and that like clockwork, no matter how true and wonderful it is, I still see as an insult. And the stupid deal about it is, that it is rarely meant to be – so perhaps I’m just a bit sensitive and insecure; that might be it, don’t you think? (WAH WAH WAH).
I believe that most relationships dissolve when we start to take each other for granted. We find predictability to the point where it gets boring, no matter how exciting it actually is – or used to be. We don’t often step back and look at the bigger picture, make ourselves aware of how fortunate we are, how privileged we should actually feel and add up all the blessings we felt when we first met. The simple act of looking at those photos from the early part of our relationship reminds us about WHY we are together; the thoughts and feelings will for the most part rush back to us as strong reminders. It is a rather grand trip, it really is.
I have never taken the relationship with my wife for granted – not one single second. We have been successful in keeping each of our initial individualities on track, and have never tried to alter or change each other (okay, we have probably both tried – though unsuccessfully). We respect and appreciate who we are as individuals, and that has kept a lot of the initial interest in each other running through the years. Sure we know each other very well, thoughts, emotions and way we do things, so of course there are the moments when we expect this and that – but that’s okay, as long as taking for granted is not involved. (For the record: of course we have arguments at times – don’t you?)
How often have you actually contemplated your relationship with your best friend? Actually thought about why you are friends, the sides of her you like, things that makes her special, makes your friendship excellent and exciting? You see, we don’t do that often, and that is a pity because the feeling of appreciation is awesome – on both sides, actually.
Sure it can be hard to nail down precisely why your relationships work, why you are best friends. Sometimes all we can come up with is: “some kind of great chemistry”, and that is a fair assessment, it really is; a bit open-ended, but fair.
Ask your friends, your wife, husband, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend why they think it all works so well; I think some of the answers will surprise you. I’ve asked my wife a couple of times and besides stuff that is none of your business, it was “because I can be me”. That statement knocked me over, because I never thought of that; it is so awesome to know – it really is.
We tend to get boring in our relationships when we don’t have to. We settle with everyday routines just to function. Some find that is enough excitement, but for the most part it’s bloody boring. We walk past each other so many times every day, and do we look, smile, you know: acknowledge and appreciate? Or are we just pieces of furniture? So you can see how taking for granted is not a very nice thing to practice, huh?
What I’m concerned, the opposite of taking for granted is appreciation; it’s as simple as that. And you’ll be surprised with the joy of backing off taking things for granted gives you when we move forward and acknowledge the people and the stuff we are surrounded by; it’s a grand trip we should take often.
When we appreciate each other more, acknowledge how fortunate we are, we all live better lives. I often look at photos from when the boys were small, from diapers through zits, school, leaving home, work, girlfriends and marriage. I met my wife 28-plus years ago and have so many great memories of the great times we had. I get teary eyed as I find myself a very fortunate person, and I will never take that for granted.
I don’t want to be predictable (as in boring); nobody wants to be labeled like that. Sure we get caught up in everyday routines and we forget to add a bit of color. But when we do, it makes a huge difference. So try to do something nice to somebody else, outside your normal schedule and enjoy the smiles it creates. It clearly tells them, that you do not take them for granted - and that is really nice to know; don't you think?
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