He says: “Yeah, we went on this date. She’s a hot chick; a body that won’t quit and she can really kiss… if you know what I mean.” His male friends are in awe: “Way to go, dude”. And then they do that fist thing.
She says: “It was such a romantic evening. He’s so cute, in an awkward kind of way; so sensitive and shy. But he didn’t even try to kiss me goodnight; it would have been fine if he had”. Her girl-friends are sighing: “Oh that is soooo sweet” and then they group-hug.
YES they talk about the same date, but obviously see the experience a bit differently; lessons in confusion and anxieties, fantasy versus life as it really is. I don’t think anybody has ever said dating was easy.
We are not fully ourselves on dates, at least in the beginning. We spruce ourselves up beyond recognition before we are heading out; we wrack our brains concerning how we can make our dates like us. What clothes to wear? Cologne? “God, what can I talk with her about?” and the list of stress and nervous expectations is very long. Fortunately, in spite of that, we still go on dates, otherwise the human species would die out. But do you know what a date really is?
Clinically, dating is a form of courtship, a social activity between two individuals, aiming at possible suitability as partners in a more intimate future relationship leading to a spousal situation and procreation (children, two-car garage, grandchildren, pets, 401K’s, golden years and death). Besides the silly things, that’s what dating is technically about; something we tend to forget. But we can relax a bit as dating today is approached a lot lighter than it was 2-300 years ago.
I truly embrace this evolution of dating, as many families in the past were more controlling (still are in many countries) with respect to matching and molding their youngsters into certain family, financial or business agreements. Today’s women have reached equalities far beyond hundreds of years ago, so the playing-field of dating has leveled out; parity doing great work. Though this step forward has made it easier to connect, it still doesn’t make the emotional part of dating much easier, but it sure helps.
Dating would be a piece of cake, if it wasn’t for anxieties, angst, stress, confusion, misreading’s, assumptions, insecurities, timidities, the sweating in real weird places, expectations and other minor details. Sounds familiar? But of course, dating can also be euphorically fantastic; let’s not forget that.
Today’s dating is when two individuals come to an agreement of getting together on a specific date and time. For the most, dates take place in public, the mall, at the movies, at a party or a restaurant. It can also be an outdoor activity, like going to the beach, hiking, picnic, etc. Pretty much being out in public as an agreed upon pair, is considered a date. You didn’t know that, did you? Getting a date is a different story.
When we get a bit older, we tend to be okay asking somebody out for a cup of coffee, a drink or something like that. We are cautiously trying to figure out a little bit of where she or he is with respect to possibly agreeing to a trial get-together, as that is what it is, that first date. We want to explore the possibilities of compatibility with this person and that is much easier face-to-face.
As younger people acknowledge this new attraction for girls or boys around them, dating is popping up like an evil uncle. Peer pressure also shows its ugly head, but more so it’s all those new and scary emotions they have to deal with; not an easy task at all. It’s all new and very confusing.
We have a frustrating time contemplating if somebody we like likes us back. Not just young people go through that, but they do more so, compared with seasoned adults. Getting the courage together and make speech capabilities function properly, approaching that other person is one of the hardest things we are faced with entering the world of dating; that first: “I was wondering...?”
My Mother always told me: “It’s not going to kill you,” as if that would help. My mode of operation was founded on definite rejection and failure, which is not a healthy way to approach anything; so I was of course rejected again and again. My self-esteem plummeted and I finally stopped asking anybody for a date – end of story.
But then one day in school, a girl I really liked, asked me if I would go with her to one of the school dances. Normally all of us just showed up, but for some reason she wanted to “go” with me. I was totally confused, as I didn’t know if she was making fun of me or if she was serious; she was serious. She became my first girlfriend – and I was only 34… Nah, just kidding; I was 13. We parted ways after a great year together as a couple. During that time my self-confidence soared and I felt good about myself. Asking girls out on dates after that was a piece of cake – not quite, but doesn’t it make me sound cool?
Early on I also acknowledged by being myself, that not everybody found me so utterly adorable. Just because I fancied somebody, didn’t mean they fancied me back. That was the harder lesson to learn (because even back then, I was actually quite adorable, in that nerdy kind of way).
Staying within who you are is the best way to approach asking anybody on a date. If you are compatible on the first date, other dates will follow. If you are not yourself on the first date, you will be found out. Honesty and respect will take you far; much farther than immature efforts in trying to impress anyone with somebody you are not.
One last note: limit your talking - expand your listening. We learn much more about other people by listening and asking questions, than by talking – it is really that simple. We like people who are listening to us. When we listen to somebody and ask appropriate questions, it shows that we are interested and that we care – and not just in dating-situations, but also in life as it really is. Dating has many anxieties, but when we are ourselves, dating is also exciting and fun – it really is (as far as I remember)…
See you next Monday
LOGIC of the WEEK
The Southern Mississippi Church of God hired the new guard on the spot. He had a Bible-Belt in karate.
Want to be notified about new posts? Follow the directions on your right. New posts of LIFE AS IT REALLY IS are being published every Monday. Thanks so much for following my blog.
Want to forward the link to this blog to friends and family?
It would be highly appreciated.
The more the merrier
No comments:
Post a Comment