She looked radiant and beautiful; her full smile and energetic walk made everybody look. He was in a good mood – life was grand. As they passed each other he smiled at her, and then made a huge mistake; one he would regret for the rest of his life – and perhaps longer.
“You look fantastic this morning,” he said cheerfully and honest - immediately her face spelled horror. Moments after, he was forcefully nailed to the sidewalk by six sweaty SWAT members, cuffed, mug-shut, fingerprinted and thrown to the floor in dark solitary confinement.
“What did I do? Why am I here?” His screams echoed off the dungeon’s walls. The grimy, hairy and perspiring guard spat out:
“You gave that innocent woman a compliment; you sleazy, demented pervert”.
Back in the good old days she would have smiled at him and said “Thank you…” and felt even better about herself the rest of the day. So where did we screw up? Why can’t we more freely give compliments without creating suspicion of vile thoughts and intentions? What happened to those good old days?
I’m a compliment giver; have been all my life. When I see somebody, male or female whom I appreciate, that being looks, what they wear, say, how they carry themselves, etc. I often make a positive comment, also known as the now dreaded compliment. These comments have for the most been met with smiles and thank yous. But it has gotten harder to give a compliment today without creating suspicion concerning intend. Don’t you think that’s sad?
I’m starting to get this grandfather look, so women feel safe when I compliment them (obviously they don’t know what’s behind the facade – giggle, giggle), but some are still very cautious and defensive. A while back I complimented a young woman at the fitness club for her energetic floor exercises and the encouraging energy. She looked at me with disturbed eyes and couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Didn’t even say thank you or scream: Dirty old perverted man alert. Since then, she has successfully avoided me; and we used to be on good morning terms. I know I’m good at phrasing compliments, so I don’t know why she reacted that way and that is really sad because I meant well. Just for clarification: I didn’t walk up to her and say: “Hey Toots, great stuff on the floor – your place or my car?” I had been kind, polite and adorably grandfather like.
I’m an overall nice guy (ask my Mother), do not look like a drooling sleazebagish sexual predator; I look rather safe. But I am afraid that looks don’t count anymore, as we are constantly being warned about those immoral wolves-in-sheep’s-clothing. Yeah, I even had mothers pull their children away from my compliments, like the next thing I was going to do was stick them in my van and race away (and I don’t even have a van – go figure).
So I’m a rebel without a clue and an obvious death wish, as I continue to do the compliment bit. I like making people smile and compliments do that. Okay, not if you approach a woman with: “nice set of tits, toots”, as there are so many other great things we can see in each other, things we as fellow human beings should have the right to acknowledge out loud – and make somebody feel good about themselves in the process – doesn’t that sound right to you? By the way, your hair looks great that way, it really does… (you left your Web-Cam on; just so you know).
I find that pregnant women look absolutely fabulous, I really do. No, stop the perverted sniggering; it has nothing to do with that. They simply look so woman-like. Some years back, I saw a highly pregnant woman who looked like she was going to break her water right in front of me. She seemed tired of herself and her bloated condition. I smiled my comfy smile and said: “You look so radiant”; just four simple words. She immediately broke into tears, smiled at me and said: “That’s what I needed to hear all day…” As simple as it was, as powerful it was. But today we have to be very careful about how, who and where we do that compliment thing - unfortunately.
As I spread compliments equally, I have found that men react different than women; they appreciate the compliment, but with a ton of surprise and a bit of suspicion in the thank you, Dude. Women tend to be more flattered. Either way, compliments create good moments with a lot of positive reactions.
I like being complimented, but I’m not even close to be as good at receiving as I am at giving. Once I was sitting waiting for a flight departure, when an older woman (older, meaning older than I), approached me and semi nervously asked: “Are you an actor?” I looked up and smiled that charming smile of mine: “No I’m not; but it’s a common mistake as many think I’m George Clooney – want my autograph anyway?” I did not know older women could give the finger like that, rheumatoid arthritis and all – good job.
I believe we all need to be reminded when we shine and not just from looking at ourselves in a mirror. When my wife compliments me, I feel thankful and good. When somebody tells you that the dress you are wearing looks fabulous (except if it’s the husband wearing that new Halston of yours), it pumps a bit of happy into you. When we are having a shitty day and somebody is asking for that great smile we normally flash around, the day gets less shitty. So I cannot see why we must be so suspicious concerning the intent when we give and receive compliments, especially because somebody saw something in us, something positive, and then took the time (dare-devils?) to tell us. What's wrong with that? Nothing what-so-ever. Don't you agree?
Don’t be afraid to give out compliments, as it is a positive and good thing for both the one giving and the one receiving. At times I forget to do it, but other times I make an effort to give out at least three compliments that day or hold the door open for somebody, or smile more, you know, nice stuff like that. Oh, by the way, I do like your smile – it surely lights up the room – you are welcome, you really are.
Until next Monday – keep complimenting…
PS. Remember, just smiling at somebody is a compliment – and that we are all good at. It’s how we acknowledge and show appreciation for people we pass during the day; it’s the nice to see you greeting – and we do care, don’t we?
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