In Danish we have a term: “vi kommer hinanden ved”. To me, loosely translated, it means that we all connect, we all rely on each other and we all care about each other. What I hope is that we do ALL mean something to each other; us average folks. When I look at the big picture I see all of us, side-by-side, together on this globe thing and just that should be enough to underline the us part, and that’s a pretty cool start, don’t you think? Well, enough fantasizing; back to life as it really is...
I was visiting my Mother some years back. She lived by herself and had this everyday routine going; very organized, doing the same things day in and day out. I walked with her to the supermarket Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, leaving the apartment at 9:30 sharp. She walked the same route, passing the same people who were either walking as well or biking. My mother did not acknowledge any of them using any form of greeting – nothing; she didn’t even look at them. And then I remembered this kind of “you don’t exist” attitude I grew up with and something rather normal, not only Scandinavian, but also somewhat European. I brought it up with my mother when we returned home and her response was: “I don’t know them and if they want to greet me, why don’t they do that?” They had passed each other three times a week for years; why couldn’t they at least nod or something to acknowledge and respect each other’s presence (on this globe-thing?) My Mother nearly had a heart-attack when I suggested the following.
The next supermarket day I would greet all the people we met on our way. I wanted to prove to my Mother that we do care, no matter how reserved or whatever we appear to be. At this point my Mother was very busy tearing up my part of her will; but I was stubborn and off to the store we went. A nice looking lady on a bike was the first test. I greeted her with a big smile and good morning (in Danish, of course). I thought she was going to fall off her bike, but instead she did one of those double takes to see if I was somebody she knew; she realized I wasn’t, but she turned around a second time, smiled big and greeted me back. My Mother stopped in her tracks, stunned, but in a nice way – I think. I greeted everybody as they came by that morning and received the same reaction: shock, curiosity and then those big smiles and loud good mornings. I had proved to my Mother that we do care, we do want to connect, and we do kommer hinanden ved. The funny bit is since that morning the passerby’s kept greeting my Mother, but it took her several weeks before she finally gave in and started to greet back; but only to those people Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She never expanded this greeting thing to anybody else.
After I arrived in the USA some many years ago, I was initially shocked concerning the friendliness and the greetings everybody seemed to communicate (California). In the beginning I took it a bit too literal when asked how are you. I would be in the beginning of my answer and they were already gone. So all they wanted to hear was fine and you? Then I bitched about the shallowness of these I’m gonna greet you but I don’t really care about your response bits. But I soon realized that my attitude was wrong. It had all to do with acknowledgement of each other by connecting, briefly or not. It’s the effort that counts – big time. Don’t you agree?
I pretty much talk with everybody I meet; in the streets, shops, elevators (remember?) planes, trains and wherever I travel (yes, especially in Denmark – the tougher challenge). 99.9% of the time I’m met with positive responses, smiles and comments. These moments are precious to me because they prove that we do want to connect, that we do care about each other and no matter the means of communication, we do acknowledge that we are all here together on this globe thing – and isn’t that nice? Yes I know, this is the BIGGER picture; but most of the time we forget what it looks like because we are so darn busy getting to the supermarket. Once in a while stop, take a deep breath, smile and communicate; we all do mean something to each other, if you agree or not. When we take the time to acknowledge that, we will always be rewarded accordingly – and for the most with big smiles.
Thanks for asking; I’m fine and you?
UPDATE
I’m visiting my mother at the moment. She’s 91 with dementia and has a very hard time walking if at all. I told her the above story; she can’t remember it, but she smiles and (still) shakes her head as in: how could you! She lives in a home in a very small town called Vammen in the middle of Denmark. Here everybody pretty much know everybody so there’s a lot of greetings and smiles as you move around – and that’s how it should be everywhere – don’t you think? I only show up every 12 months for a week, so I’m not really on the Vammen’s “greeting list”. But the more I smile and say “go’dav” or “hej” the closer I get being added to the list. Most still wonder who I am and what I’m doing in their town (the curiosity factor) and that’s where the rumor-mill comes in handy – really. And yes, I really do wish you were all here – but there is not enough room in this little town in the middle of Denmark.
See you next Monday – really…
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