MOTHER’S DAY – should be every day, huh?

Mother’s Day is big business and not just here in the USA. In every country where this holiday is celebrated, noisy cash-registers and large profits go hand-in-hand. Rolling out raw cynicism, no problem in this case, I am appalled because as consumers, we are ‘advised’ that this is for our mothers, so how dare we not spend billions in any currency to celebrate her? There is nothing like guilt to get us going, unfortunately. But of course, you and I are not tricked so easily - are you?

Anna Jarvis started a campaign back in the days (that would be 1905) to make Mother’s Day a recognized holiday here in the USA. Persistent Anna succeeded and the first Mother’s Day holiday was in 1908. With a slogan like: “The person who has done more for you than anyone else in the world”, you would run out and get a huge bunch of overpriced roses immediately - wouldn’t you?

I’m okay with ‘holidays’ or more so ‘days of remembrance’; for the most part they have a sincere importance and a true purpose historically – something we must not forget, a time, a place or a person of the past we should keep honoring and truly remember for various reasons; but shouldn't we 'remember' mom every day?

The commercialization of Mother’s Day and the like (Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day and so forth) is so out of hand. Sure none of those mothers (or fathers or those involved on Valentine’s Day) has anything against the attention, the chocolate or the flowery arrangements, so I’m fine with that. But seriously to me, the other 364 days of the year are also Mother’s Days – or at least they should be; don’t you think?

I have been fortunate to have had and still have a good relationship with my Mother. It sounds blasé when I tell you that we are more-so friends than we are parent/child, but that is the truth and how it has felt for so long. We have always had great respect for each other and have never even tried to interfere in each others lives. Perhaps my Mother communicated more specific issues when I was a kid, but I cannot remember that. As I grew up and out of school and into the world of labor and career, I cannot recall a single time my Mother questioned what I was doing or that she ever came up with ‘career’ suggestions about this or that – not a single time.

I always found that my Mother approved of what I was involved with, and who I personally connected to. I cannot recall a single incident where my Mother tried to correct my choices – not a single time. Okay, so now she sounds like Mother Theresa’s twin-sister; and that just makes me smile – and perhaps agree?

My Mother lives in a nice elder-care facility in Denmark. She was diagnosed with dementia some years back. She cannot remember what you just told her or what she did a minute ago, but she does have some long-term memory intact. It was her birthday a few days back and she figured out that she is 94 because she can remember she was born in 1920. 

I call my Mother 3-4 times every week (you chat with your mother often? The ‘guilt’ thing, huh?) Before the dementia diagnoses, we would chat about 20-30 minutes on an average; opinions, stories and updates flying back and forth. I still call my Mother 3-4 times every week, but our calls are more like 5-10 minutes; I learned quickly not to challenge her memory, but more-so tell her how we are doing here, around the house, trips, travel and trivial things; about the boys, the pets, what we experience, etc. She likes that; but the very moment she hangs up, she cannot remember a thing.

MY MOTHER

I love my Mother – a lot. There are a lot of her character, her values and her decency that I see in myself. No, giggling reader, I’m not Mother Theresa’s brother to any extent, but when I look at where more of ME came from, it’s from my Mother, not from my Father. 

I find myself celebrating my Mother a lot. From our conversations, no matter how limited they have been in substance the last many years, through the weekly letter I write and mail her, but also from all the other chats, from so many calls and visits through our life together – going on nearly 68 years (OMG what the heck happened?) So in a way, and trying desperately not to sound fluffy, there is a bit of Mother’s Day in every day – for me and her; and then I tell her – because I also love her all those other 364 days; sounds familiar?

Mother’s Day has been ‘adopted’ by nations all over the world. Though the countries of Scandinavia are pretty good pals and work together on many issues, streamlining that part of the world, I’m sorry to say that synchronizing the time for Mother’s Day has failed. This year Denmark is doing the USA thing by announcing Mother’s Day on May 11. Sweden is doing it a tad later on May 25 and Norway decided that Mother’s Day should be in the armpit of winter, so why not February 9.

And back to Anna Jarvis. It didn’t take long from the installation of Mother’s Day, for business’ to see the huge possibilities and profits, so they quickly started the (non-romantic) commercialization of this day, which happened about 9 to 10 years after 1908. As the initial idea Anna had concerning celebrating mothers drowned in commercialism, she got in a crappy mood and spent a lot of time fighting to get the profiteers off the streets. She was so angry, that just shortly before she died at the age of 84, she got herself arrested for disturbing the peace, while demonstrating against Mother’s Day’s commercialism – way to go, Anna.

We have all been connected to a mother at some point. Some mothers vanished on the way; some didn’t make good parents and perhaps other issues that doesn’t cause for celebration. But to all you good mothers out there, you have been and you are doing terrific jobs. Motherhood is not a piece of cake to any extent, as so much is involved, too much to even touch here. The proverbial hundreds of hats you are wearing is a book all by itself.

Parenthood by itself is not easy when you want to do a good job. Motherhood is not easy at all – no matter what. I have the greatest respect for any mother; I am in awe as to how they make it work, as so much is involved on so many levels. I see pregnant women and how they glow expectations and how utterly beautiful they are. And then I see the feeling of trust and utter commitment in their faces, that no matter what, they will work hard to become the best caring mother ever. 

The nurturing, the caring and care, the love and the respect coming from our mothers, has been and is so essential for all of us. So only one day of acknowledgement? Let's make it 365, shall we?

So to all you great mothers:

HAPPY MOTHER’S 365-DAYS A YEAR DAY

A BETTER LIFE – only you decide

Advertising sell promises of longer lives, total elimination of any wrinkles, and firm up those droopy thighs by using magic lotions, etc. It’s a multi-billion dollar sucker-business. Why would I call it that? Because we have no chance to compare the difference between using these products with not using them. But we make those sucker-bets anyway, no matter how pathetic we must realize they are. Will those Spring-of-Youth pills actually make you look and feel younger, live longer? We’ll never know and only you can decide.

I often think about my life in the big picture. It makes me acknowledge where I come from, where I have been, where I am, while promoting chances as to how I can keep improving now and my future. I think that if I did not look back once in a while, my present life would go stagnant, repetitive, boring and would certainly limit the elbow room needed to move forward.

Of course the "what if?" question pops up: I think about all the “stuff” I have gone through, contemplating some of the decisions I made through the years and what those decisions created, where they got me. The choices I made when I got to the proverbial forks-in-the-roads, and of course wondering (fantasizing?) what would have happened if I had gone left instead of right. At times it’s a real cool trip through that big-picture thing; and often it’s confusing, as I missed opportunities on the way – of course; we all have.

I strongly believe that we for the most part are very much in control of our lives, what we want to do, where we want to go, what we feel we want to accomplish on so many levels. Sure it takes discipline, courage, assertiveness and a bunch of other things to guide us to the goals we set, but I am convinced that when we want something bad enough and accept the work it takes to achieve any of these goals, we can really get there.

We can’t go back and make changes; what’s done is done – and then we move on. Trying not to sound fluffy (too late, Peter) I decided many years ago that if I actually could go back, I would not make many changes; the reason being that I would probably not have met my wife – as simple (and fluffy) as that.

Sure I have past issues of embarrassments, pathetic behavior and several individuals I really wish I could go back and explain things to – then profusely apologize while begging for forgiveness. These issues might not have any concern to these people, things long forgotten and perhaps never remembered (Peter who?) but for me it was not cool – and for that I am sorry, and (pathetically) wish I could go back and repair.

I am convinced that the road we travel must be, should be and ought to be based on decisions we make and implement; it’s about being in control of our lives and therefore our future - it takes work, it really does.

But we also look at easy ways out. We substantiate not to do something, though we know it would be good for us if we did. Let’s say exercise; buying that hot new spandex exercise outfit is not making us fitter, no matter the exciting feeling of wearing tight-fitting spandex all over my body gives me on so many exciting (disturbing?) levels – oops, sorry got carried away a bit. But at least buying that spandex thing is a first step, part of being assertive. To get fitter we must of course exercise, which can actually be done without tight-fitting spandex; but trust me, it’s not as exciting… sorry, I did it again!

We wrinkle as we get older. For some, as in George Clooney and I, wrinkles look fabulously handsome, but most people resent this “cruel wrinkle joke” of nature (except George and I, of course). So there is a vast array of products, machines and things of all kinds and colors out there to “help” us. You are asked to apply this (wrinkle) creme 4 times daily, at $175 an ounce, of course. It will make your skin look smoother, younger and soft like a baby’s butt (I’m not sure about you, but is that the image you are going for? A baby’s butt - in your face?) Didn't think so...

So we smear this creme on any part of our bodies, spending hundreds of dollars or whatever currency; but we will NEVER know if it actually makes our skin feel and look younger if we DIDN’T use this product. How about washing that face with regular soap, massaging it a bit with a soft sponge? I bet you’ll get the same feeling – I do.

We pop pills that promises this and that, and we must be buying this stuff, because it’s really big business, profiting on vanity and our insecurities; to some extent I find it okay - and then I don’t.

I take daily vitamins, some supplements, extra C, D, B-complex, and the list is long. But I take this tongue-in-cheek, because I feel rather silly inhaling all this stuff. Now, if I had a split personality, I could feed all this (good!) stuff to one of me and nothing to the other me, this way I could compare notes, as in: does it really make a difference? So you see, it is with closed eyes and only bits of common sense that we rely on what the label is promising us, that the fountain of youth ‘really’ is in this bottle, at only $175 an ounce (cash, please).

I have met people who truly believe in some of these advertised powers and I can see how their trust (naive hope) is embedded to the point of making them feel good – or better? And I am all for that – okay, to a certain extent only. I have always believed that if we are strongly convinced about something, it does have a stronger effect on us, and for the most part in a positive manner – underlining: for the most part.

We make so many choices in our lives, especially early on, that will follow us till the very end. We consciously and/or unconsciously make utterly important life-style choices at an age where we should not have to make those important decisions; we are neither experienced nor mature enough to do so – another cruel side of nature, don’t you think? 

Early on we are relying on the planning of our life-model solely by the help of the people around us, from parents, peers, leaders, coaches and teachers, role-models, idols and heroes. The sad thing is that we ‘don’t get it’ at that early time in our life. Imagine if we had actually listened to some of the excellent advice our parents gave us – imagine if we had just listened to them, huh? And now we can’t go back and rewind, give it one more go – for real. And the circle keeps turning and now we are desperately trying to teach our own kids – and good luck with that, really…

A longer, better looking life does not come from inside a bottle, no matter what the label promises us. The longer, better quality and healthier life is the one created from inside ourselves – solely depending on how much we really want it and especially how much we really want to work for it to happen. 

Remember that nothing, absolutely nothing comes from inactivity or from just wanting it – no matter how bad we wish for it. Progress takes a lot of work, but that is the most fascinating part of life; it's not just getting there, but enjoying those tremendous and exciting travels it takes to get us there – every single step on the way

.

So in that spirit, here is to your health, your happiness and an even better / longer life – really,

Peter

BAD NEWS IS GOOD NEWS?

It seems like it. Are we really so pathetically excited, so disturbingly interested in the negative sides of life? It seems to be, for the simple reason that we are constantly fed fatalities, crashing cars, airplanes, ships, mudslides, wars, terrorist attacks and the list is very long. We lick it up from newspapers (remember those?), television and Internet news programs; and they wouldn’t give us all this bad news if we were not reading, listening or watching. So they keep bombarding us with a dominating percentage of news that is bad – and that is not good news.

I do not watch television news-programs. The simple reason is that I do not trust the information they give me. There is so much obvious fluff and glorification, the eagerness of making their station and program more so entertaining than informative; film at eleven. The way the so-called anchor-people interact for the most part seems scripted, fake and tried; to me it is simply embarrassing, disrespectful and a blatant insult to the news they are supposed to cover, what really happened, the true information we could be interested in and from which we no doubt would learn something from.

Television news programs must obviously do well, meaning that enough people are watching – otherwise these programs would not be around; only the best, perhaps truest, would survive. So with the multitude of stations (here in the USA), there is this innate “competition” to be the most popular, so they all turn up the fluff to out-do their competitors. The news is being padded and inflated; the graphics and the pictures are getting more graphic – really. Under it all, the real news is buried, the news that might actually have had a bigger impact on us, if communicated in a straight line.

But obviously bad news is good business, and that is something the consumer (that would be you and I) obviously enjoy communicated. Or is that really so? I mean, what is it we can learn from bad news, from so MUCH bad news? You see, when we are being bombarded with endless fatalities, accidents, murders, etc. we become numb to that kind of stimulation. One person murdered is traumatic; a bus-load runs off the road and six people die – and that is of course terrible; a plane disappears and we go: “oh well…”? And when it’s hundreds or thousands of people vanishing due to war or terrorist attacks, famine and so far away from us, we do become ignorantly numb, like it’s too many and too much for us to comprehend – to care about? So where did our emotional judgment go?

Movies, television shows and most certainly video-games, underline the underbelly of society. There are too many guns and knives, so much shooting and blood, way many explicit and violent deaths, multitude of body parts flying all over the place. Yes, we (try to) acknowledge that this is just a movie, a show or a video-game - it is not real. But the gruesome fact is that we are still deeply affected by all this ‘not real’ stuff, so when it’s a ‘real’ local murder, the bus off the road, the wars and all that death, we do not react like we really should – with a much deeper compassion and concern and a much stronger urge to ‘get it fixed’, one way or another.

Sure I’m no Sigmund Freud (luckily, I don’t even look like him), but common sense dictates that our emotions with respect to the violent side of society, the way we might find ourselves ignorant more so than concerned, is a way to ‘protect’ ourselves for not going crazy; the “I’m glad it wasn’t me” syndrome. And I’m (disturbingly) okay with that, feeling “protected” that way to some extent.

But at times I am thoroughly influenced by some of this sad bad news. Several years ago I read about a young woman driving along a highway. She was reaching for a CD in the back-seat, for a split second not seeing where she was going. The car veered to the right and unto the side of the road, where four bicyclists were hit, mowed down and killed. Something we cannot and must not be flippant about – and news sources shouldn’t either.

I often think about this horrific accident, these two couples and best of friends, in their 50’s or so, enjoying a day together, getting exercise and fresh air – then brutally having their lives ended – while doing absolutely nothing wrong. Many times when I pass bicyclists on the side of the road, I see those four friends, and also think of the young woman who has to think about that moment, those people over and over the rest of her life – as well as so many other people who suffered and keep suffering; children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, family and friends – on both sides; just so horrific. So I drive with more care – I really do.

In our everyday lives, are we more inclined to think ‘negative’ than ‘positive’? Do we more so dwell on other people’s bad luck than on their good fortune? Concerning good fortune for others, is the mixture of envy, jealousy and ‘why didn’t I win the lottery’ dominant? We do not voluntarily admit to such thoughts; instead we underline our full support and rejoice in somebody’s good fortune and luck (winning the bloody lottery) – and I really trust that we mean it; the good part.

When we hear of other peoples bad luck, I don’t think we feel good about it. I think that what is happening with us, is more so the feeling of momentary relief. Somebody is getting a divorce, got their car smashed up, and the list is long – bad stuff happening to other people, so we are simply relieved that it is not us – and then, for the most part, we do sympathize.

  

So it’s not that we are gloating when bad things happen to people around us, but it’s that brief relief, acknowledging that it didn’t happen to us; and I find that very okay and rather human, actually.

When real bad news hit close to home and disasters far away, I fully trust and believe that we are truly very compassionate as we really do care for people around us, even those we didn’t particularly care for before whatever happened; I see this again and again, and that is very encouraging – has always been. 

As much as ‘bad news’ seekers we might be, the good thing is that when it really counts, we do stand up and acknowledge the true sadness, the sorrow and unfortunate reasons; and then we do become understanding, caring and supportive – all in the name of the human spirit, and we might even have learned a thing or two; I think that is certainly good news – for all of us… Don’t you agree?

WOMEN – the more the better

I am referring to the stark reality that a lot more women must, should and will eventually participate much more in the leadership of this planet for a considerably better and safer future for all of us. Women must, should and will eventually become a much bigger and even more important part in the positive development of all of our lives; I fully believe that. 

Through too many centuries, the male dominated leadership, has in retrospect (which I’m damn good at) not achieved full potential. To me, leadership based on equal mix of females and males working hand in hand, will achieve this glorious potential. The good news is that this equalization has already started, yes slowly, but picking up speed - and that is a fantastic reality; don’t you think?

Talking about stark realities is the sad and horrific fact concerning the suppression of the female gender through thousands of years. Even today women are being suppressed in many cultures around the world. Besides many pathetic reasons and excuses, cultural and/or religious ‘traditions’, this repression is denying these cultures and countries of a more enlightened and true progress – and that is a sad shame, because when women are involved, things do move along, a lot faster, a lot better and for the most part in a lesser-to-none violent manner. The good news is that things are getting better and better every day – more women are getting more involved.

In 2011 Helle Thorning-Schmidt became the first female Prime Minister of Denmark; good for Helle and good for Denmark. But more interestingly, of the 179 Danish Parliament members, 65 or so, are women. How are we doing in the house and senate here in the USA? In Denmark, as with the other European countries, the involvement of women in leadership roles, in government and in the private sector, is constantly increasing – and that can only be good; don’t you think?

Roberta Pinotti was named Italy’s first female Defense Minister, making her one of five women leaders of military in Europe; I feel safer already. Chancellor Angela Merkel is in charge of Germany. Sheryl Sandberg is one of the top people with Facebook. Hillary Clinton’s political exposure and influence is far from over – with much more to come; Janet Yellen is the new Federal Chief with a rather large economy (USA) to control and guide. Yes, she is the first woman to chair since the Federal Reserve was established in 1913 – way to go Janet. Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer is not doing too badly; and I could easily go on with this list. More and more women are coming up through the ranks, getting involved and even more so, starting to be respected by everybody, not just by the male gender, but by all of us. 

Another positive sign concerning female involvement is that slightly more women than men are getting a higher education here in the USA. No, Dear Readers, it’s not a gender contest, just a fact stating that things are moving in the right direction towards equality by having more women moving up and into leadership roles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a world run by females only; I am solely acknowledging that with a much more equal balance of women and men on all levels, we combine all the great stuff, talents, intellect, creative ideas we can ALL contribute – on ALL levels and by both genders - together. Working organized across gender lines, accepting and respecting each other in the name of progress and the pursuit of happiness (and peace on Earth, huh?) will succeed – I am truly convinced of that.

The very first person we hang onto is a woman (that would be the mother person) and she is the very first person we are seriously influenced by, not just for survival, but for comfort, love and security. So why not continue that trend? (Except for the breastfeeding, as that might turn really awkward). For the most part we progressed from this nurturing beginning and for most of us, it made our life-foundation a solid platform from where we developed (thanks, Mom)… Something we rarely think about.

Who has been or who is the most important woman in your life? Asking me, I can’t give a simple answer because it’s not just one woman, no matter how much I want to say: ‘MOM’. But what I can say is that my Mother has been a proverbial rock for me; she still is – her dementia not getting in the way. She has always been a fantastic and supportive friend. 

Another woman who has influenced me (and still does) is my wife and very best friend ever – going on 31 years. Too many things of acknowledgement, so let me highlight one of the more important aspects of our relationship: My wife brings out the very best in me, of who I am. That is a very freeing feeling that makes me progress in a much more solid way, both feet on the ground, which of course also reflects on our relationship – why we are very compatible.

When we look at women’s influence on our everyday life, women’s participation in all the facets of making this globe function, we can only agree that it is so awesome – it really is, especially when we look back and acknowledge the many women of the past who carved the way for today’s women – actually for all of us, really.

Envy and jealousy are unfortunately parts of who we are. That be between genders as well as it is between men and between women. As this (soon former?) male-dominated world is equaled out with higher participation of women, envy and jealousy will still continue, as men will feel threatened in the positions they have had for so long. But I am convinced that with time, we will ALL acknowledge and respect that a positive reality of a more equal mix of genders will profit ALL of us.

As I started my ‘career’, I was for the most part influenced by women. When I moved on and into management, I surrounded myself with female employees. Not just because I worked in the women’s fashion business, which even in Denmark (1960-70) was dominated by males. I always felt very comfortable working with women; I always found it easier and more effective, even in the high energy business we were in.

Back then I didn’t really ‘dissect’ the ‘WHY?’ but now in retrospect I realize that the ‘softer’ approach, not weaker to any extent, was where I functioned much better. 

One of my bosses back then was a real bitch – seriously. She pushed everybody around, males as well as females. When she entered your office, you wanted to hide under the desk, or react even more maturely by covering your eyes so she couldn’t see you (well, it used to work). But the thing is that I really respected her in spite of her bitchiness, as she surely got things moving along – and fast.

One day she raced into my office and announced that she was coming with me to Paris, as I was leaving that evening. I nearly had to change my undergarments, but off we went. So the strangest thing happened that from the second we got in the car and drove to the airport, she was the most charming, relaxed and fun person. 

Our week in Paris was very productive and I was in awe of her communication skills with our suppliers and her overall (new?) demeanor. When we returned to Copenhagen and work, off she went being a bitch again. But during a meeting the day after, she winked at me, and all of a sudden I realized it was just a part she played – so effectively.

Why this story? My male chauvinistic thoughts (yes, I had some of those back then) before I found out her well-kept secret were that I saw her as an abusive woman, rude, intimidating, threatening and bitchy (duh); more interestingly, I blamed her of trying so desperately to imitate a male equal. 

But today I realize that she was who she was, man or women – no difference. It was my ‘male’ side who judged her wrongly, where I should have embraced and respected how well she was doing her job. Sure, nobody liked her (except me after Paris), but I do recall that besides being feared, she was secretly respected by all, though nobody would share that thought out loud; she certainly left a lasting impression on me.

Envy and jealousy will persist – unfortunately, but the closer we get to full gender equality in any workplace and in any government, the better it will be for all of us – I have no doubts about that. I am extremely encouraged by where we are today, and look forward to an even greater and no doubt more peaceful future as more women are getting involved; an equality we’ll ALL profit from – don’t you agree?