I
despised babies. From the foul odored poo-poo diapers and vomit, to how adults
were constantly drooling and talking in weird voices anytime a baby was near.
But the dislike was more so because babies took all the attention away from me. I successfully refused to be drawn in, never sat next to one, and certainly never
touched one – ever, until I was about 41, seriously. But things can change, can’t
they?
When
my friends started to multiply, our relationships ended. I hated being around
their slobbering babies, with the constant crying and the never-ending demands
and more nasty smelling poop diapers – I mean, it was Yuk on the highest level;
I was surely convinced from early adolescents, that there would absolutely not
be babies in my future – at all. But wait, there’s more…
I
fell in love with my wife the moment I saw her. I was 38 – she was 28. Early
into our relationship, I (gently) understood that our future together would include
children. Surprising myself, I slowly accepted this revelation. The timing must
have been right, as especially my partner was perfect. So ‘Peter having babies’,
started to rhyme – though I was still utterly stunned; my mother was as well,
for the longest time.
Sixteen
months later we were married and fourteen month into our marriage, we were
ready to expand the world population. I more so needed to get ready, as I did
not have a clue what to do during pregnancy, delivery and especially after the
baby came out. So I read many books about babies and how to maintain them; we took
Lamaze classes and I slowly became an ‘expert’ - I thought. But soon after the
birth part, I found that nothing I had read or studied could prepare me for
parenthood – nothing at all. It was very much a ‘learn on the job’ deal.
But
I was as prepared as could be when the water broke and delivery started. It was
a struggle convincing the baby to come out, as it had one arm over the head
through the birth canal. But the three of us worked well together, and our
first-born finally arrived. Yes, I was the ‘delivery coach’, and it was weirdly
exhilarating.
I
had never felt so euphoric on this level in my whole life. Holding this baby,
feeling the warmth from his body, the tiny heartbeats, his breath, his skin and
the way he looked around so curiously, is a feeling and emotion I still cannot
explain. I found myself kissing him and telling him how much I (already) loved
him. It was one of the most wonderful days of my life so far (besides marrying
my wife). Just thinking about that whole process tears me up a bit – but don’t
tell anybody, please.
It
was decided to keep him in the nursery overnight for observation, while we,
exhausted and excited new parents, retired to our hospital room.
I
got up early the next morning to get our new son. On the way to the nursery, I
smiled as I thought about how pathetically stupid and ignorant I had been in
the past concerning babies. How could I have been so oblivious? I especially
chuckled out loud about that thing how ‘all newborn babies look
alike’. How silly was that? From the moment he was born I had neither blinked
nor taken my eyes off him; I would of course be able to recognize him in a
heartbeat. ‘All babies look alike?’ What
utter nonsense.
The
nursery had about 10 cribs occupied by new babies. I acknowledged the on-duty
nurse and quickly scanned the room. There he was – our lovely new son. I eagerly
crossed the floor and as I reached into the crib to pick him up, I heard the
nurse smiling as she said: ‘Peter, he is over there - in the corner’. My face
quickly changed to a deep red. I giggled in utter embarrassment as I walked
over to the genuine baby Steiness; I even double-checked his name-tag. So they
had been right after-all: ‘all babies do look alike’. Well, at least
that morning they seemed to.
Even
though I ‘theoretically’ felt prepared for parenthood, I soon found that I was
not ‘hands-on’ prepared at all. But by ‘need to’ I learned quickly. Certain
whimpers were for food, a slightly different whimper was for diaper change and
my favorite whimper was ‘I need to nap with Dad’.
As
I wanted to participate in all aspects of our son’s upbringing (though
breastfeeding was unfortunately out of my league), I quit my day-job, became
self-employed so I could work from home. This way I would look after the baby
while my wife returned to work. Though working from home met some lean times,
it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Being able to share the care of our
son with my wife had him constantly with one of us, and most of the time, with
both of us.
My
world had shifted dramatically - a wonderful wife and now our beautiful and
healthy son. Days and nights were filled with foul (!) diaper changes, feeding,
burping, napping, baths, laundry, strolls in the park and lots of playtime. I
immediately found an enormous satisfaction and joy being with him. Hugging him,
kissing him and loving him, was such a privilege - a privilege I had never
experienced before (except with my wife – duh…) This privilege doubled when we
had our second son, a couple of years later.
My
wife and I shared the parental responsibilities. The result of this early,
positive and plenty shared parent involvement, is surely visible today. The
relationship between the four of us is solid, respectful and loving. We know
and acknowledge how fortunate we all are and we have never taken our little
family for granted.
I
used to despise babies as they smelled bad and took the attention away from me.
Well, now I like babies (okay, for the most part) and children and not just my
own. Children have such positive and exciting energy, and as long as we (adults)
guide them correctly, they will succeed in whatever they pursue. They are
academic sponges and they really want to learn; we just have to show them how,
by making it all interesting, challenging and fun.
Look
at their faces and look into their eyes – we see eagerness and a zest for life.
All we have to do is supporting this positive attitude – and we can certainly all learn something from that as well –
so go ahead, please.
For
a few years I was fortunate to work with school children from ages 6 to 12. As
a volunteer, I created a drama class and clocked in over 3,000 student hours. I
wrote and directed four variety shows with eager involvement from the kids; it
was an absolute blast.
I
coached soccer for many years and the player-list reached over 1,300 youngsters
from age 5 to 19 years old. I loved them all dearly, and as I eventually
retired from drama-class and soccer, I do miss spending time with ‘the kids’ and
their energy – but I have only superb memories.
From
disliking children to have my own and even surrounded myself with so many other
kids, was for me a dramatic, surprising, but wonderful turn-around. I am sure I
have taught these youngsters some positive aspects of life, besides variety
shows and soccer, but that will never
compare with what they taught me about fun, love, compassion and respect
through those years.
Being
an involved parent by taking the time and making an effort with our children,
any children, actually, gives all of us tremendous rewards. By acknowledging and
live by, that every day is a new
experience for us as parents as well as it is for our children, we are heading
in the right direction. Working together using fun, love, compassion and
respect, will only make our days together better and better. I know – I learned
‘on the job’. And ‘yes’ I am still utterly surprised - seriously... Poop
diapers and all…
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