PROMISES –part two...

A bit more on the promise-subject:

     I promise that this blog-post will be informative, entertaining, eye-opening and another ‘wow’ piece by yours truly (that would be me). And even as I wrote that one sentence, I was wondering how I could get out of it – and fast. And that is for the most part how we ‘promise’ things of all kinds, as we are not truly fully truthful concerning following through on many of the promises we make; those kinds of promises smells like the ultimate kiss off.

  
     A promise is a commitment for us to do or not do something. As a noun promise means a declaration, assuring that we will or will not do something. As a verb it means that we commit ourselves by a promise to do or not to do. It can also mean a capacity for good, a positive value that is to be realized in the near future, as in: ‘it looks / sounds / feels’ promising. When we sign a contract, it’s an exchange of promises that is legally enforceable by law (including spanking) – so watch very carefully what you sign, huh?
     
     And then we have the vow (slightly different from wow) aspect of promises, as in “I do” and “till death do us part”. Promises can also appear as an oath, which to me is the much more serious rendition, compared to our everyday handy variety version of a promise.

     Of course there is the Mother-of-All promises, which starts with: “When I’m elected…” Yeah, political promises are for the most part laughable (and disappointing – to say the least). The positive part is that we all acknowledge these soon-to-be broken promises, which in itself is very sad, of course… and let’s not forget the classic in promises: “I’ll respect you in the morning…”
     
     We make promises as a precursor to pleasing somebody, to make them feel and trust that whatever is promised will come true, whatever the promise entails. I think that for the most part the ‘promisor’, the one making the promise (silly person) initially believes the promise made is a promise that will be kept (still a silly person). The ‘promisee’, the person who receives the promise, momentarily trust and embrace the comfort that ‘it will be done’, whatever it is that is promised. Of course, if somebody promises to beat the crap out of you, ‘embracing’ might not be part of the equation – at least it shouldn’t be.
     
     I need to clean the house; should have done it last week. As my wife leaves for work I try to look the most charming, though ‘guilt’ is plastered all over my forehead; I smile that seemingly irresistible smile of mine and in a deep, exotic voice utter: “I promise to clean the house today, sweetheart…” The very moment those words fly out of my mouth I think: “oh crap…”
     
     But it’s not because I’m against cleaning the house or pleasing my wife; I’m okay with both, of course. It’s the commitment in that promise, in any promise I make that I’m not so happy about. You see, I do not, for some strange reason work well when being asked to do trivial everyday tasks, where house-cleaning is one of them. I prefer to do those things without using a promise or commit myself to a specific time (day, month or year!) thereby eliminating the pressure to perform and therefore avoid spreading disappointment.

     It took me too many years to finally realize that I should not run around and promise this and that, left and right, up and down. I should just keep my big mouth shut and instead of promising to do something, simply just do it (Nike was right after all).
     
     So it doesn’t take rocket-science to quickly find that instead of promising to clean the house, I just clean it and the response is (pleasant) surprise and thank-you instead of disappointment and: ‘he’ (yet again), didn’t keep his promise. Don’t you think that’s a much better way to do it?
     
     For the most part our promises are ‘easements’ to resolve situations, emotions, practical aspects and the list of promises we make is long – very long. Promises are also used as a means to extent due-dates, heavily fiddling with procrastination. We promise things will never happen again, cowering behind the P-word. But when in a more rational and realistic mode, don’t we realize that we are speculating in the future where there are no guarantees, no matter how much we try to follow through on a promise? The sun rises and sets, taxes and death, yeah, those are more so guaranteed; any promise is not even close.
    
     But we keep on making promises, when instead we should consider action without promises; a much better way to go. I am sure we all mean very well when we stutter: “I do – and till death do us part (or at least till we get a divorce)”. Maybe it’s because in that very moment we do want to believe that to be our future – no, not the death and divorce, but you and I, like forever, or perhaps even longer. But there are no guarantees. So wouldn’t it be much better that instead of ‘I do’, we say ‘I’ll do my best’? At least we are realistic; but of course it doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?
     
     Promises are made all over the map; in the workplace, at home, to ourselves, between friends and family and so forth. I don’t see any limitations, but I certainly see a lot of misuse of an otherwise honorable intent – because I trust that we do for the most part make promises that we intent to keep. But in most cases, we are way too quick to use and offer promises as a quick-fix, a loosely applied momentary Band-Aid, that unfortunately will make the promise falter and disappoint, more so than it will succeed; and that’s a pity.
     
     Of human emotions, disappointment is huge. I believe and hope that we all have an innate and in some cases, blind trust in each other – no matter how many times we have experienced disappointment. Though we are also resilient buggers, I strongly suggest that we try to eliminate as much spreading of disappointment that we can. Not making promises we know before we even spit them out will not materialize, will be a superb start. It will open up a lot more happiness and pleasant surprises, while kicking some serious disappointment-butt out the door.
     
     So remember next time a promise seems to be the quickest solution to appease somebody into a false sense of trust and expectations, hold your tongue (also known as: shut up) and do that other thing: 

DON’T PROMISE IT – JUST DO IT

And please promise to thank me later, okay?

MERRY 2015

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THANKS FOR READING