DIETS – and good luck with that

Seems as everybody has been on some form of diet. Also seems as nobody has ever told me that they actually finished the diet they were on; I never did, but I’m finally on my way. Suppliers of diet tools like books, special foods, etc. are happy about these failures, like really happy. They should be as it’s a multi-billion dollar business and I really don’t have a problem with that.

The human framework, also known as the skeleton, is constructed to carry a limited load of muscles, fat, skin, internal stuff (Yuk!) and whatever. It has been determined by those who know that a handsome and charming male as yours truly, with a height of 6 foot 1 inch (approximately 184 cm.) should weigh between 140 to 190 pounds (for those of you living on the metric system: 64 to 86 kilos). I don’t know if I weigh too much, because I can’t see the read-out on the scale – my stomach is in the way (only kidding). Pound-wise I’m a bit in the dangerous area, but I’m on the way towards the healthy zone, slowly but surely; fascinating stuff, if you ask me.

Thousands of diet books, diet-plans, classes, nutrition experts and so forth constantly bombard us with the new and ultimate end-all-diets, with a new end-all-diets coming out just about every day. And we obviously buy all this junk again and again because we are naïve in believing that one of those plans will eventually work. So we buy boxes of crappy food that stinks up the house after two minutes in the microwave oven, smells like the burning cardboard/foam box it came in and the box probably tastes better than the food inside – just add a dash of ketchup or ranch dressing. All we are getting are smaller portions, packaged for the big money.

To me DIET is just DIE with a T. But here’s my free solution to any weight you want to lose. The magic word is DISCIPLINE, that’s all it takes – and it’s one we have a terrible time taking control of.

We decide to go on a diet because we need to for whatever reason. We can buy a diet-plan, we can read about diets or make up our own plan – it is actually very simple. The main reason we decide on a diet is primarily because of the way we look, though the priority to any diet, any weight loss attempt should be because of health. Our skeleton is built to carry a certain weight. Any excess poundage is simply adding strain on bones and joints, heart, lungs and other internal (Yuk) stuff that need to function with the highest efficiency.

Technically dieting is when we deliberately select certain foods to control our body weight or nutrient intake – but primarily to drop some pounds. So when we apply that discipline thing, plan our meals according to suggestions we can easily get from the Internet, we will lose weight – guaranteed. Another free advice is, that eat what you eat now, but cut the portions in half. Yes, it’s Hell in the beginning, but you teach your stomach and brain to acknowledge the smaller portions and they pretty much adjust accordingly, getting full faster by not expecting more. Of course you have produce, all that green and leafy stuff, as well as fruit to fill up the “hungry” spaces and it’s healthy too. Exercise is essential and something we can never get enough of. But I don’t want to be another end-all-diets guru - other than just mention that discipline thing again.

When I arrived in the USA in 1975 I weighed in at 165 pounds. I pretty much kept that weight till about 10 years ago. I biked a lot at the time (200 miles per week), but suddenly became afraid of getting hit by a car, so it wasn’t a pleasure biking anymore – and I stopped. Early last year I hit 227 pounds (Yuk again) and decided that was more than plenty, way enough, unhealthy and utterly ugly. So I disciplined myself with even more exercise, dog-walking and by watching the sizes of my food intake. I’m at 211 now and will by the end of this year reach 192 pounds. It will still be a bit high according to my bone structure and height, so I’ll see how I feel, and especially see how I look at 192 – probably more handsome if that is even possible…

As with most adjustments we make in our lives, more or less drastic changes, do not set impossible goals. Don’t plan on losing those 50 pounds by next Saturday’s barbeque (as it can only be achieved by cutting off a limb you are not using a lot – that would be an arm or a leg – or both? Duh), but attack you weight loss using small baby steps, one pound at a time; be disciplined and stay positive.

It’s actually easy to lose weight when we determine to do so, but the tougher part is that we for the most part find it again. But what has really worked for me and is still working, is that when I have lost yet another pound, then I concentrate on not getting it back. Sure it’s an up and down battle, but the more I practice it, the lighter I get – baby steps and discipline.

My main thing is the smaller portions of what I eat. Sure there are more green stuff and fruit in my diet than I inhaled back in the wild calorie days, but I’m not going totally diet-wacko as I do like ice cream and the occasional three pounds of Redvines (that’s a candy thing around here).

Of course I do not recommend trying to lose weight following the advice on the list below – but wouldn’t it be diet-heaven if it worked?

PETER’S TEN RULES OF DIETING

Never put off till tomorrow what you can eat today

Eat every meal as if it is your last

Chew your food at least once

Avoid fruits and nuts. After all, you are what you eat

Snack ONLY between meals

Don’t save your dessert for last. Eat it first

Never go back for seconds. Get it all the first time

Set your scale back 5 pounds. On second thought, make it an even 15

Vegetables are essential: so we have carrot-cakes and pumpkin-pies

Last but not least: Hang around people who are fatter than you

Okay, I used to be much more concerned about my looks (for obvious reasons) than any form of “health” issues. But when I got bigger my looks started to fade in importance, to where it was much more important that I took care of my health.

And that is what I’m doing now; not just for me anymore. Now it’s part of respecting my wife and my children. I don’t look like the 165 pounder anymore (lucky me, really), but even in my heavier version I’m still utterly adorable. Smaller portions, somewhat healthier food without going crazy, exercise and that discipline thing; yeah, I’ll reach my goal – I have no doubts… How about you?

JEALOUSY – a lousy emotion

We have all been jealous and we will no doubt run into more of that unpredictable emotion as long as we shall live. Some of us deny ever being jealous, and that is also okay; among the reasons for this denial is that jealousy is considered a weakness, and we do not want to appear pathetic, do we? It is a lousy emotion and it is there for all to see and perhaps to avoid? (Jea)- lousy – there you have it.

For the most part we attach jealousy to human interaction, though I also find jealousy among animals. During vast research I consistently observe how Tess gets jealous when I pet Mindy (that would be our dog and cat) and vice versa; but it’s more so between humans that the real deal is.

No matter how much sociologists inform us that cultural beliefs and values trigger jealousy on most levels, I am convinced that we don’t really give a hooters where it’s coming from. When we are jealous, the origin has no interest as we are too busy being, well, jealous.

So what is involved in this lousy emotion? We find fear of loss, suspicion of or anger about perceived betrayal, low self-esteem and sadness, uncertainty and loneliness, distrust, plus a vast variety of insecurities and loads of anxieties. As you can see, nothing seems too appealing, huh?

Jealousy can be listed within sibling rivalry, family, sports, the workplace, in platonic friendships and so many other places; but the big one is ROMANCE. That’s the one where we for the most part see jealousy pop up as the Green-Eyed Monster. Yes, Gentle Readers that is actually what some people also call jealousy. For the fact-seekers out there, that term is believed to come from Shakespeare’s Othello (act III, Scene 3, line 169 – if you really need to know).

Romantic jealousy, which of course is not romantic at all, involves rivalry for the same man or woman, suspicion, lack of superiority, anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness, disgust and many other lovely sub-emotions. For those who have been through this emotional rollercoaster ride, the common opinion is:

BEING JEALOUS SUCKS BIG TIME

And adding to the fire, jealousies can be based on reality (duh!) as well as imagination, random rumors, guessing, anger, lack of facts and my all-time favorite: assumptions. The thing is that when we are caught in jealousy, constructive and solution-based thinking as well as common sense are not in the same zip-code. All the energy is geared towards the pain, confusion and self-pity we surround ourselves with – pretty much placing ME in the center of self-inflicted misery.

“Self-inflicted”? Sure, certain situations ignite jealousy and we get involved, but can we control our involvement to some extent? When Gertrude all of a sudden find Hans to be much more exciting and much sexier than Franz (her husband the last 22 years), Franz’s initial reaction is surprise and anger; perhaps not in that order. So could Franz actually handle the situation without involving jealousy? Of course he could.

Okay, so he admits that he has not been the stud-muffin Gertrude started out with and that it only took him a year to take Gertrude for granted. The romantic notes quickly dried up with the rest of the romance Gertrude fell in love with back then. “Fair enough”, Franz admits, as he acknowledges his failures. He blesses Gertrude and Hans’ newfound love, gives Gertrude a divorce and moves on; Piece of Bavarian Chocolate Cake.

But that is only in fairytales. In life as it really is, Franz will be jealous all over the place, totally not acknowledging his lack of attention to Gertrude. All the signs of pure jealousy are, according to Franz’s ignorance, taking him out of the equation of guilt. It’s more like: “How the heck could she do this to me?”, when he in fact should say: “How could I have been so stupid – I have always loved Gertie, but obviously I stopped showing her how much I loved her…”

Jealousy is a form of protective reaction we are hiding behind; it’s a reaction to a perceived threat. Unfortunately it can involve a lot of “stuff” in our everyday life. We can find jealousy in so many areas: financially, looks, achievements of others and too many things to mention. To me the deal is that of course we are not really that jealous on a daily basis; we are not running around screaming: “Dang it, I should, I would and I could (this or that)” followed by the proverbial: “Why not me?”

But let’s not give jealousy all the credit. The synonym ENVY is probably used more so; perhaps because it’s easier to spell? Even though jealousy and envy do have several equalities, to me envy seems a tad lighter. Don’t get me wrong, as I do not embrace many sides of envy – if any. Envy is explained as feelings of inferiority, longing or belonging, resentment, wanting to possess “rival’s” qualities and disapproval of feelings, etc. Sure some of this stuff is heavy emotions, or can be, but compared to jealousy, envy is still a bit lighter.

We use both terms equally and that is also fine, as we for the most part know what the person is going through, and if we call it jealousy or envy, either way it still sucks big time.

The reactions involving jealousy/envy can be extreme; that is how strong some of these emotions can become. Some can get so tragically involved (possessed?) by the situation and the people involved. The psychological ramifications can be immense, leading to actions beyond our imagination, causing sadness, destruction and disbelief.

That is where we acknowledge how terrifying jealousy can become – and that is what we must remember when the neighbor’s new car is, well, newer than mine – jerks. But instead of surrounding ourselves with jealousy and envy, we must be happy for them. They didn’t buy the new shiny car to stick it to us; they have saved for years and finally got enough money – and now the new car; let’s join them in their joy.

It’s hard to fully control all emotions; if we could, some of the charm being a human would vanish – don’t you think? But I still believe that we can avoid many silly situations by acknowledging the unimportance of them - by looking at the bigger picture.

Let’s more so share the happiness and fortune of our fellow human beings and they will share in our happiness and good fortune – beats envy and jealousy any day.

So don’t you agree that jealousy is a (jea)LOUSY emotion? I thought you would…

Here are some good links to go with the above:

TRUST

RELATIONSHIP

TAKING ME FOR GRANTED?