PROMISES – and then we break them

We might not live in the Promised Land, but we do live in the land of promises, where vast quantities of said promises are broken at about the same rate we make them – and we are all guilty. Yes, I generalize, because it is fast and easy. When we take stock and think about how many promises we make every single day, our collective heads will twirl full speed – and yes, yours too.

A promise is a commitment by somebody promising to do or not do something; rather simple. But the second we start promising left and right, the ‘broken’ part pops up rather often, more than is comfortable. I’m not talking the biggies as in solemn promises of marriage vows, military oaths and legal contracts, though they are also broken, and I’m not even going to mention the election promises politicians are burping up until they are elected, as I will giggle too much and roll my eyes till it hurts.

How about the everyday promises; how about the many promises we in many cases roll out because we can’t keep our mouth closed? Why do we promise so much? You might still think: ‘where the heck is he going with this?’ so I’ll enlighten you.

When we try to kiss somebody off (meant in a nice way) we use so many different tools and they all fit into the promise category, something we would normally not think about as a promise – but it is. “Okay, I’ll call you later…” – “I’ll have it ready…” – “meet you at 6:30…” – “it’s in the mail… (Though soon an outdated promise – but say it anyway, nobody is listening), etc. You see, all these things are promises, like a million others. 

Though I hammer on broken promises, and do NOT like being promised something that is not being kept as stated, I am also afraid that we are utterly numb concerning the fact that so many promises we are given are being broken. It’s like we have accepted it as a ‘broken’ fact – don’t you think that’s sad?

I’m a healthy 67, so I have been around the block a lot, so I should by now have come to the conclusion, that taking ANY promises serious, actually expecting said promises to be honored, is stupid, pathetic and ignorant. No, that doesn’t mean that I condone the thought of whatever, it’s just that I don’t understand why I still believe that when you tell me that you will call me later, you’ll actually call me later, as I (duh) expect that you will do precisely as you promised.

Another side to this, as pathetic, is the deal that when we promise something to somebody we kind of already have the feeling that we ain’t gonna live up to what we just told you we would do. So we not only break a promise to that other person or persons, but we already broken that promise to ourselves – and that’s where even the true meaning of ‘pathetic’ is too weak. Does this ring a few bells?

I have always believed that for each of us to have a grand relationship with others, we are in dire need of having the best relationship with ourselves first. But when we are not fully honest with ourselves, how will that translate to somebody else, somebody we want to, or perhaps are forced to and need to build a healthy and solid relationship? That’s a good time to reconsider what kind of promises we want to burp out – so casually.

Early on in my career (management / production) I was extremely cautious concerning ‘things’ being done in my departments. I underlined that we all had to trust each other concerning what we said, what we planned to do, etc. Getting a large group of employees to produce at top level, it was necessary to coordinate all resources to perfection to excel and profit. One of the issues became apparent in the start, and that was the many ‘promises’ made, but not kept; and I had to find a solution fast.

I ended up asking every project manager to communicate with me directly and several times daily. I had decided that each of them making statements at production meetings about WHAT they were GOING to do and by when, did not hold water – okay, sometimes, but too often not. So I worked with all of them seeking the direction and action needed to be followed, what we (the company) had in mind. So instead of telling me WHAT they were going to do, now they only informed me WHAT they had DONE. That way our meetings became much more effective, a lot more positive and energized. Instead of pushing the issues and the work-load we were pulling them – a much healthier proposition.

Some dude named Immanual Kant stated that “promises should always be kept”. I’m so totally with him on that. My beef is that if you already know you won’t be able to keep whatever promise is nearly crossing your luscious lips, then don’t make it a promise – make it a statement instead. I prefer that you don’t tell me that you’ll call me later. I much more prefer that I get a call from you out of the proverbial blue; and I wouldn’t have wasted time sitting by my (mobile) phone waiting for your call.

Some consequentialists argue that promises should be broken pretty much whenever it benefits you… egotism at its best. Would lying also be okay – when it profits us?

I’m still promising things to my wife and I do my very best to keep and do what I promise. At times I don’t find the time to iron her clothes, clean the house, do this or that, but she knows that it’s not because I promised something empty, it’s just a matter of fitting everything in time wise.

I do not like to negate on any promises I make, so instead, I try to remember to do what I preached for so many years: Don’t tell me what you are going to do; just tell me when you have done it. If I wobble around the block a few more times, I might actually end up living by that wise statement, huh? So if I hear from you, out of the blue, would beat a broken promise anytime – don’t you think?