ME – who am I, really?

Yeah, and who are you – really? My point is that we will never find out, that thing about who we really are or more so, could have been. Would we have been nicer, more successful, would we have failed all over the place, been more charming, smarter, interesting or adorable, (that would be me)? You see, we will never know, and perhaps that is a good thing or perhaps it is really bad…

The moment that lucky one-in-a-million of sperms crashes through the wall of the egg (look it up), the magic starts and we are being influenced big time; ‘me’ has begun. We settle on so many levels, guided by some of the sperm-donor’s characteristics, dressed in ‘genes’. We are heavily influenced by all the stuff that goes on from the ‘break-through’ and during the next nine months, in that dark and cozy place – as far as I remember. This is the part where we do not control who we want to be – really; we just lie around and somewhat, absorb, ignore and wait.

Then we pop out; somebody with a mask slaps our butt if we don’t cry – so now we do. Being influenced by our surroundings has already started. In this case deciding if our future will include the pleasure (or not) of being spanked by somebody wearing a mask, huh?

Next thing, we have a nipple (the pointed part of a breast) in our mouth and suck away for food like crazy, finding ‘breasts’ to be nurturing and essential. For most males and some females, this becomes a lifelong influence – seriously… Okay, on several different levels…

So my philosophy is, that as we can’t do much about our personality development until we see the light of day (and after some spanking), that these very first moments are where we are really ‘me’, that innocent, uninfluenced and pure ‘me’. I hope you enjoyed that short moment of unadulterated bliss – I did.

But then our surroundings take over, shaping, molding and in some cases really screw up the pure foundation of ‘me’. Our personality and character, our values, ethics and a bunch of other stuff, are for the most part ‘guided’ by what kind of stimulation we receive and accept.

Don’t get me wrong, of course the core of who we are comes from inside, but I believe that the influences we are bombarded with all our lives are huge. But as long as we can be sensible and sort out the good stuff from the bad, we’ll be okay.

As kids we try to emulate the other kids and some emulate us. This ‘contest’ is normal, but what I’m concerned, is it healthy? Some ‘contests’ are character building, no doubt, but when we look back, how much of this ‘emulation’ business was sponsored by our parents (the so-called adults)? Were we just pawns for them to move around or were they 100% for that healthy character building stuff? It’s a mixed bag, and if you are a parent, you should know what I mean – I do.

Kids are so easily influenced. We have the same curiosity level as a dry sponge, inviting influences to be soaked up easily. You want your child to speak foreign languages, this is the best time in their lives to learn – really…And so forth. So whatever we see around us as kids, good as well as bad, we absorb big time. At this point we have already said ‘bye bye’ to the ‘real’ me (sniffle sniffle)…

But is there hope? I believe that to some extent we can be somewhat in control of whom we want to be, the ‘me’ I to a certain degree want to become and the person I would perhaps feel comfortable with. Yeah, that is a pretty vague commitment, but that is how it is – what I’m concerned. We don’t have a lot of control to do what we might more so fantasize about – except when we are getting a lot older, of course; by then, who really cares anymore?

Not to sound derogatory, but we are ‘group’ people (elegantly negating using the term ‘flock-animal’, because some might take that the wrong way, huh?) By ‘group’ people I mean that in our society we function more so in groups following leaders. I’m not saying this is good or bad, as it can be good as well as it can be bad – and in some cases really bad. And we are of course also influenced by the other people in the groups we join.

And talking about ‘groups’: I was lucky to grow up with The Beatles. In 1963 I was hooked and I know now that this group of ‘leaders’, John, Paul, George and Ringo, were influencing my personality on many levels. Among the things I absorbed was the friendship they projected between them, their humor and charm. Though I was one of the original nerds, I did let my hair grow a bit longer and started wearing pointed shoes – just like ‘they’ did; those shoes were the most uncomfortable things I ever wore on my feet – but I nearly looked like a Beatle and some girls were impressed (but that was as far as I made it with those girls – (sigh))

In school we are influenced by classmates and teachers. The cool ones we try to copy, the jerks we also learn from – by not becoming one. Our parents, our original role-models, influence us big-time; we are molded from who we were into who we become.

Life in general rubs off on us, the work we end up doing, the people we hang out with; TV & movies, advertising & commercials are strong entities by which some parts of our lives are lived, telling us if we are doing wrong or right, good or bad. Intimidation can be forceful, as well as envy and jealousy are strong emotional tools, ‘helping’ us to the lives we want to live and the person we want to be - perhaps.

I know you might be mad now, because you don’t think that you fit into this scenario, but the thing is that we all do – more or less. So when we really think about who we are – really, is that just who we have become, or is it really who we would like to be?

I wonder who I was to start with and I wonder who I would have been if I had followed other leads. When I look back to role-models and other influences, my Mother sticks out in front. She has always made ‘balance’ and ‘decency’ be my guiding influences; she still is. She has made it possible for me to be the person I am today. My wife continued that trend, not the ‘mother’ part, but the ‘balance’ and ‘decency’ bit. I can be who I am – and that is so important, no matter whoever and whatever I have been influenced by through my life.

We are ‘influenced’ by our surroundings all our lives, and with that being a fact, I do hope that we can still hold on to some of that innocence we arrived with – just before we got spanked. So when we look at it, we are who we are because so many and so much molded us into ‘me’ – and that’s just how it is.

I thank my Mother for being there for me all my life, by telling her that I love her. I tell my wife I love her too – of course. At times I look back on other positive influences of mine and I am thankful for them being part of building my life and who I became – because I’m not that bad off, at all… But more importantly: who are you?