BAD NEWS IS GOOD NEWS?

It seems like it. Are we really so pathetically excited, so disturbingly interested in the negative sides of life? It seems to be, for the simple reason that we are constantly fed fatalities, crashing cars, airplanes, ships, mudslides, wars, terrorist attacks and the list is very long. We lick it up from newspapers (remember those?), television and Internet news programs; and they wouldn’t give us all this bad news if we were not reading, listening or watching. So they keep bombarding us with a dominating percentage of news that is bad – and that is not good news.

I do not watch television news-programs. The simple reason is that I do not trust the information they give me. There is so much obvious fluff and glorification, the eagerness of making their station and program more so entertaining than informative; film at eleven. The way the so-called anchor-people interact for the most part seems scripted, fake and tried; to me it is simply embarrassing, disrespectful and a blatant insult to the news they are supposed to cover, what really happened, the true information we could be interested in and from which we no doubt would learn something from.

Television news programs must obviously do well, meaning that enough people are watching – otherwise these programs would not be around; only the best, perhaps truest, would survive. So with the multitude of stations (here in the USA), there is this innate “competition” to be the most popular, so they all turn up the fluff to out-do their competitors. The news is being padded and inflated; the graphics and the pictures are getting more graphic – really. Under it all, the real news is buried, the news that might actually have had a bigger impact on us, if communicated in a straight line.

But obviously bad news is good business, and that is something the consumer (that would be you and I) obviously enjoy communicated. Or is that really so? I mean, what is it we can learn from bad news, from so MUCH bad news? You see, when we are being bombarded with endless fatalities, accidents, murders, etc. we become numb to that kind of stimulation. One person murdered is traumatic; a bus-load runs off the road and six people die – and that is of course terrible; a plane disappears and we go: “oh well…”? And when it’s hundreds or thousands of people vanishing due to war or terrorist attacks, famine and so far away from us, we do become ignorantly numb, like it’s too many and too much for us to comprehend – to care about? So where did our emotional judgment go?

Movies, television shows and most certainly video-games, underline the underbelly of society. There are too many guns and knives, so much shooting and blood, way many explicit and violent deaths, multitude of body parts flying all over the place. Yes, we (try to) acknowledge that this is just a movie, a show or a video-game - it is not real. But the gruesome fact is that we are still deeply affected by all this ‘not real’ stuff, so when it’s a ‘real’ local murder, the bus off the road, the wars and all that death, we do not react like we really should – with a much deeper compassion and concern and a much stronger urge to ‘get it fixed’, one way or another.

Sure I’m no Sigmund Freud (luckily, I don’t even look like him), but common sense dictates that our emotions with respect to the violent side of society, the way we might find ourselves ignorant more so than concerned, is a way to ‘protect’ ourselves for not going crazy; the “I’m glad it wasn’t me” syndrome. And I’m (disturbingly) okay with that, feeling “protected” that way to some extent.

But at times I am thoroughly influenced by some of this sad bad news. Several years ago I read about a young woman driving along a highway. She was reaching for a CD in the back-seat, for a split second not seeing where she was going. The car veered to the right and unto the side of the road, where four bicyclists were hit, mowed down and killed. Something we cannot and must not be flippant about – and news sources shouldn’t either.

I often think about this horrific accident, these two couples and best of friends, in their 50’s or so, enjoying a day together, getting exercise and fresh air – then brutally having their lives ended – while doing absolutely nothing wrong. Many times when I pass bicyclists on the side of the road, I see those four friends, and also think of the young woman who has to think about that moment, those people over and over the rest of her life – as well as so many other people who suffered and keep suffering; children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, family and friends – on both sides; just so horrific. So I drive with more care – I really do.

In our everyday lives, are we more inclined to think ‘negative’ than ‘positive’? Do we more so dwell on other people’s bad luck than on their good fortune? Concerning good fortune for others, is the mixture of envy, jealousy and ‘why didn’t I win the lottery’ dominant? We do not voluntarily admit to such thoughts; instead we underline our full support and rejoice in somebody’s good fortune and luck (winning the bloody lottery) – and I really trust that we mean it; the good part.

When we hear of other peoples bad luck, I don’t think we feel good about it. I think that what is happening with us, is more so the feeling of momentary relief. Somebody is getting a divorce, got their car smashed up, and the list is long – bad stuff happening to other people, so we are simply relieved that it is not us – and then, for the most part, we do sympathize.

  

So it’s not that we are gloating when bad things happen to people around us, but it’s that brief relief, acknowledging that it didn’t happen to us; and I find that very okay and rather human, actually.

When real bad news hit close to home and disasters far away, I fully trust and believe that we are truly very compassionate as we really do care for people around us, even those we didn’t particularly care for before whatever happened; I see this again and again, and that is very encouraging – has always been. 

As much as ‘bad news’ seekers we might be, the good thing is that when it really counts, we do stand up and acknowledge the true sadness, the sorrow and unfortunate reasons; and then we do become understanding, caring and supportive – all in the name of the human spirit, and we might even have learned a thing or two; I think that is certainly good news – for all of us… Don’t you agree?

WOMEN – the more the better

I am referring to the stark reality that a lot more women must, should and will eventually participate much more in the leadership of this planet for a considerably better and safer future for all of us. Women must, should and will eventually become a much bigger and even more important part in the positive development of all of our lives; I fully believe that. 

Through too many centuries, the male dominated leadership, has in retrospect (which I’m damn good at) not achieved full potential. To me, leadership based on equal mix of females and males working hand in hand, will achieve this glorious potential. The good news is that this equalization has already started, yes slowly, but picking up speed - and that is a fantastic reality; don’t you think?

Talking about stark realities is the sad and horrific fact concerning the suppression of the female gender through thousands of years. Even today women are being suppressed in many cultures around the world. Besides many pathetic reasons and excuses, cultural and/or religious ‘traditions’, this repression is denying these cultures and countries of a more enlightened and true progress – and that is a sad shame, because when women are involved, things do move along, a lot faster, a lot better and for the most part in a lesser-to-none violent manner. The good news is that things are getting better and better every day – more women are getting more involved.

In 2011 Helle Thorning-Schmidt became the first female Prime Minister of Denmark; good for Helle and good for Denmark. But more interestingly, of the 179 Danish Parliament members, 65 or so, are women. How are we doing in the house and senate here in the USA? In Denmark, as with the other European countries, the involvement of women in leadership roles, in government and in the private sector, is constantly increasing – and that can only be good; don’t you think?

Roberta Pinotti was named Italy’s first female Defense Minister, making her one of five women leaders of military in Europe; I feel safer already. Chancellor Angela Merkel is in charge of Germany. Sheryl Sandberg is one of the top people with Facebook. Hillary Clinton’s political exposure and influence is far from over – with much more to come; Janet Yellen is the new Federal Chief with a rather large economy (USA) to control and guide. Yes, she is the first woman to chair since the Federal Reserve was established in 1913 – way to go Janet. Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer is not doing too badly; and I could easily go on with this list. More and more women are coming up through the ranks, getting involved and even more so, starting to be respected by everybody, not just by the male gender, but by all of us. 

Another positive sign concerning female involvement is that slightly more women than men are getting a higher education here in the USA. No, Dear Readers, it’s not a gender contest, just a fact stating that things are moving in the right direction towards equality by having more women moving up and into leadership roles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a world run by females only; I am solely acknowledging that with a much more equal balance of women and men on all levels, we combine all the great stuff, talents, intellect, creative ideas we can ALL contribute – on ALL levels and by both genders - together. Working organized across gender lines, accepting and respecting each other in the name of progress and the pursuit of happiness (and peace on Earth, huh?) will succeed – I am truly convinced of that.

The very first person we hang onto is a woman (that would be the mother person) and she is the very first person we are seriously influenced by, not just for survival, but for comfort, love and security. So why not continue that trend? (Except for the breastfeeding, as that might turn really awkward). For the most part we progressed from this nurturing beginning and for most of us, it made our life-foundation a solid platform from where we developed (thanks, Mom)… Something we rarely think about.

Who has been or who is the most important woman in your life? Asking me, I can’t give a simple answer because it’s not just one woman, no matter how much I want to say: ‘MOM’. But what I can say is that my Mother has been a proverbial rock for me; she still is – her dementia not getting in the way. She has always been a fantastic and supportive friend. 

Another woman who has influenced me (and still does) is my wife and very best friend ever – going on 31 years. Too many things of acknowledgement, so let me highlight one of the more important aspects of our relationship: My wife brings out the very best in me, of who I am. That is a very freeing feeling that makes me progress in a much more solid way, both feet on the ground, which of course also reflects on our relationship – why we are very compatible.

When we look at women’s influence on our everyday life, women’s participation in all the facets of making this globe function, we can only agree that it is so awesome – it really is, especially when we look back and acknowledge the many women of the past who carved the way for today’s women – actually for all of us, really.

Envy and jealousy are unfortunately parts of who we are. That be between genders as well as it is between men and between women. As this (soon former?) male-dominated world is equaled out with higher participation of women, envy and jealousy will still continue, as men will feel threatened in the positions they have had for so long. But I am convinced that with time, we will ALL acknowledge and respect that a positive reality of a more equal mix of genders will profit ALL of us.

As I started my ‘career’, I was for the most part influenced by women. When I moved on and into management, I surrounded myself with female employees. Not just because I worked in the women’s fashion business, which even in Denmark (1960-70) was dominated by males. I always felt very comfortable working with women; I always found it easier and more effective, even in the high energy business we were in.

Back then I didn’t really ‘dissect’ the ‘WHY?’ but now in retrospect I realize that the ‘softer’ approach, not weaker to any extent, was where I functioned much better. 

One of my bosses back then was a real bitch – seriously. She pushed everybody around, males as well as females. When she entered your office, you wanted to hide under the desk, or react even more maturely by covering your eyes so she couldn’t see you (well, it used to work). But the thing is that I really respected her in spite of her bitchiness, as she surely got things moving along – and fast.

One day she raced into my office and announced that she was coming with me to Paris, as I was leaving that evening. I nearly had to change my undergarments, but off we went. So the strangest thing happened that from the second we got in the car and drove to the airport, she was the most charming, relaxed and fun person. 

Our week in Paris was very productive and I was in awe of her communication skills with our suppliers and her overall (new?) demeanor. When we returned to Copenhagen and work, off she went being a bitch again. But during a meeting the day after, she winked at me, and all of a sudden I realized it was just a part she played – so effectively.

Why this story? My male chauvinistic thoughts (yes, I had some of those back then) before I found out her well-kept secret were that I saw her as an abusive woman, rude, intimidating, threatening and bitchy (duh); more interestingly, I blamed her of trying so desperately to imitate a male equal. 

But today I realize that she was who she was, man or women – no difference. It was my ‘male’ side who judged her wrongly, where I should have embraced and respected how well she was doing her job. Sure, nobody liked her (except me after Paris), but I do recall that besides being feared, she was secretly respected by all, though nobody would share that thought out loud; she certainly left a lasting impression on me.

Envy and jealousy will persist – unfortunately, but the closer we get to full gender equality in any workplace and in any government, the better it will be for all of us – I have no doubts about that. I am extremely encouraged by where we are today, and look forward to an even greater and no doubt more peaceful future as more women are getting involved; an equality we’ll ALL profit from – don’t you agree?

OLYMPICS – so much we can learn

The Winter Olympics are in full swing. Twirling, gliding, sliding, jumping, shooting (yeah, I know, rather weird), flying, winning, losing, falling, crashing and so forth. We are thoroughly entertained by some 3,000 athletes from a bunch of countries, and I am in utter awe. No, it’s not so much from the competitions; it’s watching the pure undiluted joy, energy and love for what they do, that I see in their faces. Those smiles and that tremendous show of exuberance, camaraderie and respect for each other is so inspiring – something that should really rub off on all of us; this is something we should all try to do – every day. Don’t you agree?

I have always respected people who are really good at what they do, excluding anything illegal, obnoxious, rude or pathetically stupid. It encourages me to do better myself within my abilities and at times beyond. So when I watch these, for the most part youngsters, show so much energy, so much enthusiasm for what they do, what they do so well and working so very hard at doing, I feel energized to improve what I do well and try even harder to improve what I don’t do so well (like going 80 miles an hour, on a small piece of plastic with blades, wearing a tight-fitting suit). What we are watching should inspire all of us – and I hope it does.

I was watching a women’s snowboard event and of course was totally blown away by what they can do and what they do so fantastically well; absolutely awesome. But what really blew me away was how these 'competitors' stayed around at the bottom of the hill after their own runs, waiting, cheering, screaming, encouraging and yelling for the other girls to do well. And when one by one they crossed the finish-line, they all hugged each other, laughed, smiled and hopped up and down. Surprising?

Yes, it surprised me, as this was a group of girls/women crossing international borders, all from different countries showing absolutely no signs of envy, jealousy or differences. It was only sheer joy between them – the utter happiness, support and excitement from being there, that very moment – for all of them, individually and together; something to learn, huh?

Torah Bright (Australia) Kaitlin Farrington & Kelly Clark (USA)

So I started to watch with that in mind; do they all participate in these games with the same attitude? And I found that they do. Cross-country skiers, both genders, would give their all on the course and fall down as soon as they crossed the finish line. And then they would bring on those fabulous smiles, hug and greet and congratulate each other for the effort, for giving everything they got – across international borders, no matter where they came from.

Of the 3,000 athletes who made it to Sochi, just a few will do that ‘winning’ thing. I am positive that a vast number already knew before they left for Russia, that winning any medals would be unrealistic. But then you hear them talk about, with huge smiles, how they aimed at other goals, personal bests, etc. Being selected to represent their country and their sport, for the most part seems to humble them, but with pride and determination, to do well, to give it all, leave everything on the track, ice or snow – wherever. And when we watch from our cushioned comfy-chair, pressing buttons on the TV remote, we can clearly see that they all do that, giving everything and then some – and that is just so awesome.

When we watch, keep in mind how much time, sacrifice, discipline, effort, (blood), sweat and tears have brought them in front of us. An American girl talked about how her parents sold a cow here and there for her to be able to afford getting to the local competitions to improve and ‘perhaps someday’ get to the Olympics. Her praise and total love for her parents and their dedication, was loud and clear. She was asked: “So how are you going to pay them back?” She smiled that fantastic smile, held up her gold-medal and said: “I think this might do it”, through tears of joy - mine too.

We are watching performances that blow us away. Try not to be blasé about watching, but try to observe with the full understanding that this is NOT about winning, no matter how nice it is to ‘win’. This has everything to do with simply being part of something so big and so awesome; it’s about participating, building friendships across borders and suck in all those fantastic moments that none of them will ever forget – how great is that?

Swiss skier Dominique Gisin is best friends with Tina Maze from Slovenia. They are both excellent downhill skiers and probably met through the sport they both love. They skied as competitors a few days ago, and what do you know; they both won gold - a first in winter Olympics. Both skied the time of 1.41.57. How about a friendship across borders and down the mountain – rather fast; and then hitting the same time, in a sport where one hundredths of a second is very big.

I am so in awe and utterly inspired by watching all this Olympic stuff (except curling – have no bloody idea what the heck is going on). I find that my daily exercise and fitness routine has been tweaked a lot, by pushing myself more, working harder because “they do” right there in front of me. 

I smile big as they smile even bigger – win or lose. They smile just because they are there and they fully appreciate it, the honor of representing their country, their sport, the camaraderie and the many friendships they find across so many borders. And all in spite of who wins or not – because they are also fully aware and do fully understand, as we all should and must do, that NONE of these Olympians, these wonderful athletes entertaining us with what they love to do and do so well, are losers to any extent – not even close. Their energy and exuberant smiles tell all. To me they are all winners, every single one of them; and isn't that awesome. I knew you would agree...

 No, this is not me. When I ski like that, I wear green.

FRIENDSHIPS – do not take for granted

A friendship is the mutual affection and interpersonal bond by association, between two people or many people. A close and high quality friendship makes us a happier person, creating higher self-esteem, confidence and security. Good friendships bring us to a better level of social comfort. That’s all great stuff, if you ask me. And since you are asking, I have to add the kicker: If you value your friendships, do NEVER take them for granted – please… 

I’m not writing about the social media’s fluffy friendships as I touched that subject some time back. No, this is about true friendships, including the very-best-friend category.

For the most part, we find our true friends by association. It can be same backgrounds, values, occupation, interests, hobbies, education, social circles, demographics and the list can be as varied as any combination of any friendship. But you’ll always start out by finding something in common, something that brings you together with that one special person.  

To me, finding or running into situations that would perhaps create a friendship, has never been easy. Early on I found that insecurities and anxieties made me more so stick to myself; this way not taking the risk of rejections while approaching other kids for possible friendships. Don’t get me wrong, in spite of my former awkwardness, I have been fortunate finding some superb friends through the years.

As a great example: Claus, a few years younger than I is my childhood friend. Though we stopped communicating for some 20-30 years (we are both in our sixties now) we finally connected again, and seemingly had not missed a beat. Now we enjoy great times and laughter when I visit Claus and his wife in Copenhagen. My friendship with Claus has always been very special and very warm.

During the last 10 years before I left Denmark for the USA, I was part of a group of 4 guys, very close friendships, always having an absolute blast – really. We rarely spoke about serious stuff, but we were more so able to see the humor in just about anything and everything – just an absolute blast.

But then I moved away, tried to keep in contact by mail (good old days, huh?) One of the pals tried too, but then it faded away and then the interest died – and in retrospect, as the wiser we get, that was a pity – it really was. But I would have been a lesser person had I not gone through those ten years of intense friendship – I really think so.

We must never take friendships for granted, the ones we truly believe in. Like so many other things in life, if we do not work at it, it will fade and die – and when we let that happen, we will certainly not get any richer in the process. 

You might have your own set of values that will create a strong friendship, what you call a true friendship. For me, friendships must be built on trust, honesty, respect, love, faithfulness, appreciation and here I go again: must never be taken for granted. No, Dear Reader, we cannot expect all these saintly values packed into one or any one friend. But it’s when we find a combination of what we respect and expect from our friends AND from ourselves that things line up, and friendships are created.

My wife and I have friends we have known since we met (my wife and I). Two couples, best of friends with all our kids growing up together, not many years apart – at all. With busy lives it has always been tough to find time to get together, and don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint, it’s the simple reality of our lives, family and all. But when we get together it is wonderful, lots of fun and laughter – and every time we part, it’s always: ‘gotta do this more often’; and we mean it.

Having friends, getting together and enjoying the time and the stimulation rich friendships give us, cover so many emotional needs. It makes us feel so good and utterly fortunate – no doubts about it. But friendships can also fade away for many reasons, and perhaps reasons we don’t understand – the worst of reasons…

At times in our lives we might find a friendship of need, where the person or we (ourselves) have an emotional need for support, perhaps due to anxieties, insecurities, a broken heart, a divorce, break-up or whatever. Perhaps we open up in a different way to a person we don’t fully know, and a person who do not fully know us. We might find support from a good listener, and many things combined, perhaps things will get better, and perhaps a true friendship evolves from that. But I have also found that such friendships can also have a tendency to fade away in some cases, after all is getting better. I was always able to accept that, no matter how confusing and sad it made me – but at least with a feeling that perhaps I made somebody else feel better – and that makes me feel good.

As human beings we need friendships, true friendships. We need to associate on a deeper level, where we unite with people around us, people who understand where we are coming from, who we are, and people we understand well – and therefore can associate with on those deeper levels. Those friendships do make us happier – they truly do.

My best friend in the whole world (sounding like an excited 6-year old, while it’s actually an excited 67-year old) is my wife. Next month we have been together 30 years – and counting. No, it has not always been a smooth ride, as it has been a life, including kids, that has been and is full, therefor “smooth” is not a true description. As anybody else, we have also experienced some rough patches, but due to that ‘friendship”- thing, we have been able to stay the course, solved issues and overcome adversities. 

That’s what true friendships must also accomplish, because that is also how important a true friend is. I have never and will never take that for granted.

Claus & me around 1954