One thing is what we think and say, another is what
we think and then totally keep to ourselves – forever. Never thought of that,
have you? It’s actually a fascinating concept, something we rarely consider;
it’s just part of growing up and being human. Is this very secret world of ours
bad? I don’t think so; but is that really what I’m thinking? You’ll never know,
will you?
There are a lot of our thoughts, opinions, emotions
and feelings that we never express. In most cases, holding back on those
thoughts, are keeping us afloat and makes us fit in; diplomacy comes to mind.
We are all extremely opinionated; we have sentiments
about anything, even things we don’t know much about, leaning heavily on
blissful ignorance. But we still blurb out our opinions any chance we get. Then
at times, we hang on to basic peacekeeping by showing consideration, kindness
and diplomacy, as we don’t want to get into hot water or have anybody dislike
us? No doubt many reasons why – and most of those reasons are good and kind, as
they should be.
People around us have the audacity asking our opinions
about this and that. In some cases I think it’s more so to test our friendship,
commitment, love and likes; whatever the reason, how dare they? It’s the utterly
worn out: “how do you like my new dress?” syndrome. No matter our true opinion,
we respond with something that’s very diplomatic and neutral, as we do not wish
to get in trouble with our dear friends, who pretty much have terrible taste as
is, by the way – ha ha…
I tried this scenario many years ago, just to find
out ‘truth’ among friends. I bought a shirt that was, in my opinion hideously
ugly. I put it on and asked my girlfriend back then, how she liked it. I could actually
hear the wheels squeak and turn inside her head – seriously. After a long while,
she finally stuttered: “That is about the ugliest thing I have ever seen – but
if you like it, God bless…” Nah, she didn’t say the ‘God bless’ bit – I made that
one up. I was pleasantly surprised about her honesty, because it was so, well
‘honest’… She could have stuffed her true opinion into her very own secret
world, but she opted for honesty – I like people like that, a lot, no matter if
I agree or not. The thing is that most often, we have such a hard time handling
the truth, the real truth and nothing but…
But what is our exact initial and honest reaction in
those kinds of situations? I know we are primarily hit by what we REALLY feel, our
immediate, initial and honest-to-goodness reaction. And then we process the diplomatic
answers to fit the situation in Nano-seconds; we are grasping for a pleasing
response, whenever we feel ‘honesty’ might not work too well.
Does this make us a bad person? I don’t think so. Are
we being fake, demeaning, arrogant, derogatory or anything close to that? No, I
do not think so, with the reason being that there are so much passing through
our brains, so much stimuli, impressions, feelings and emotions that needs sorting
out in split seconds. When she asks you if you like her ‘hideous’ dress, we
can’t really go: ‘can I get back to you sometime next week?’ No, we blurt out:
‘that’s so much you’ – which might be very correct and is actually a great and
super universal reaction to a lot. But ‘it’s so much you’ will only momentarily
get you off the hook, because she knows what you are doing, as in: you do it to
me, as I do it to you.
We are confronted with so many decisions every
single day. Not just what we are asking of ourselves, but all those many
questions from around us, pleading our ‘honest’ opinions. Is it because we are
so bloody insecure about our own taste? Is that why we, not you and I of course,
have to ask our surroundings if we made a good choice or not? Don’t you wonder?
Considering my age, 70+ by now, I have enough life experience
to reflect on. One of many things I have been consistent about is my attitude
concerning friendships. I think overall, that I’m ‘good friend’ material. I never
take my true friends for granted and do not take any friendship lightly – far
from. Do I expect a lot from my relationships? Perhaps I do, or perhaps I
don’t, but looking at the basics, besides compatibility, honesty and fully
allowing us to be who we truly are, certainly is the very foundation of the friendships
I’m in – I am very fortunate that way.
But friendships are not, must not and cannot be
based on perfection, as in the ‘perfect’ friend. Your pet dog might seem like a
perfect companion, but humans are a tad different, a bit more complicated - well
most of us are. We all have our different sides, not perfect, and luckily not
so, as perfection is overrated and rather boring, seriously. The thing about perfection
is that we have no hope of improving, so where’s the fun in that?
With true friends we must be able to kid around
about some of those less-than-perfect sides of us, as long as we are not
vicious, rude or mean. As true friends, we must be able to understand and enjoy
that attention, as being terms of endearment and nothing else. It is in those
relationships that our secret world of stuff we normally won’t publicize are a
lot more relaxed, as we all are on the same track concerning the truth, nothing
but the truth, so help my friendship…
We say a lot that we do not mean, by not uttering our
honest reaction and/or opinions all the time. Perhaps we feel a bit bad about
that, but for the most part we accept it. Diplomacy keeps the peace, and what
is wrong with that? I just think it’s funny because it’s a big part of who we are
- this ‘other’ image of ourselves that we are promoting by holding some secrets
back – like forever.
Yes, I can play the ‘to be honest or not to be
honest’ game very well, but when it involves people I love, respect and care
about, I can only play a little. I believe in true friendships and I believe
that we all need and should accept what the people around us really think and
feel, no matter how it might hurt our pride, opinions, feelings and emotions.
We just have to deal with it, by pushing anxieties and insecurities aside. I
truly trust that the truth makes us stronger, by accepting and respecting it. But
if you are concerned about somebody’s honest opinion or not, please don’t
bloody ask them – how simple that is, huh?
We will always have our world of inner secrets. I have
mine and I keep things in there that has nothing to do with anybody else's
business. If exposed, would it be devastating for some or for me? Not at all,
but there are things each of us do never want to share with anybody else –
ever. And we should be totally fine with that – really; I am… are you?
