Wednesday, June 18, 2014

GETTING OLDER – no need to hurry



It’s my birthday today – hitting 68. Is it a happy birthday? For me, it has never been a day that is extraordinarily more exuberant than any other day, as most days of my life have been and actually are rather happy. But of course, frosting drenched layer-cake and colorful-wrapped surprises, does make it a bit happier. But no matter the quantity of frosting, I am still getting older; at times that thought doesn’t make me overly happy – my free advice to you: don’t hurry getting older.

When we were kids we couldn’t get older fast enough. It was perhaps 16 that had a glow of excitement and freedom when we were 13. Then we hit 16 and 18 was the next goal covered in nirvana (not the band, but the emotion). After enjoying being 18 for a couple of minutes, 21 looked like the Holy Grail. But then I think it stopped – don’t you? I mean, when I was 35 I didn’t have any urges getting to 50 anytime soon. 

Asking a kid how old he or she is they go: “7-1/2 but I’ll be 8”, already involving that next year into the answer. I giggle and get an uneasy eye-rolling smirk on my face when an ‘older’ person responds: “67 but I’ll be 68…” yeah ‘duh’, if you live that long. What’s bothering me is the dreaded reality of actually hitting that additional year, which we underline by birthdays; it’s iffy because it’s part of getting older – and I don’t think I want to, so take that...

I use the term ‘older’ and not ‘old’, because I don’t really know what ‘old’ means. A joke can be old, as in worn out, boring and told too many times. As far as I know, ‘old’ has not been established as a measure of age, like we hit 68 and now we are officially ‘old’ – or something like that (I hope not)… Sure King Tut could be filed under ‘old’, but to me he is simply: ‘extremely very older’. Sounds better, don’t you think?

Okay, all this sounds perhaps a bit down and depressing, but in reality it’s not – just some deeper birthday thoughts. You see, for an ‘old fart’, sorry it should be: ‘older fart’ like me, I’m in a good place. I do not have any health issues; I exercise daily, I eat healthy with the occasional binge-inhalation of Redvines or any form of sugar-based soft candy-like stuff; I do not smoke (anything) and alcohol is only consumed in the form of wine and the occasional micro-brewed beer.

When I hit 50 I started to think ‘older’, perhaps from the realization that my life was no doubt half done by then. And when you are a healthy, happy and a productive human being at that age, that thought might be an issue of concern due to its morbidity. But on the other foot, I have always had ways of moving negative thoughts into something positive.

So when I hit 50 I got my lists together and wrote everything down that I found negative in my life (and options to solve or dispose of), as well as everything positive – and there was a lot of that. After I finished the lists, the positives outweighed the negatives by a million miles (that would be 1,6 million kilometers, by the way), still, by a lot - you get the idea. After that exercise, 50 did not look bad at all.

There are so many things I enjoy and have enjoyed beyond my expectations as I am getting older. So many things I have found pleasures in, things in my ‘earlier’ life I had bypassed due to self-inflicted time-limits, seeking something more profitable during those times – so a lot of great stuff got overlooked. By now I have revisited many of those earlier neglected items. 

Don’t get me wrong and believe to any extent that I have more time to myself today, than I had back in those earlier days. My days are full of it (that would be stuff to do), and my pre-retirement visions of relaxed afternoons by the fountain in the back-yard, a glass of chilled white-wine and a good book? I found they were just that – visions. But this is not a complaint, because when all my whining is out of the way, I am still in control of my own time these days – but there are still other things that must be done, have to be done. But it’s still my choice ‘when’; well, for the most part.

I have found enhanced interest in the things I was interested in as a younger person. I have liked art and art history from I was in my late twenties. I was more or less breastfed with interest in music; I have always liked reading, for the most part non-fiction, but also well-written fiction and photography is a main interest. I like to write stuff – and I am getting better at it as I get older; perhaps getting ‘more mature’ plays a part.

Of the many things I have pondered and learned through my life, one stands out. When talking ‘older’ as in reaching birthday after birthday: DO NOT HURRY. If I could do my younger life over, of course with the experience and appreciation I have today (duh), it would be rather different in the WOW department.

 Unfortunately the deal is that we are not blessed with too much experience or knowledge early on. Appreciating our surroundings has to be earned by learned; and that takes time. To me, that is not fair at all, as what I know now would have made me a much more productive and even more ‘enjoying’ human being back then. But at least I enjoy a lot of that ‘stuff’ now that I couldn’t fully enjoy way back then.

Don’t hurry getting older, but thoroughly and fully (at least make a big effort) enjoy where you are now. Open your eyes and your mind even more so; don’t be caught looking at your smart phone more than you are looking at your friends. And talking about ‘looking’, make sure that you take it all in, your surroundings, the times with family and the times alone. Listen more than talking as you will learn a lot more by closing your mouth and open your mind. Never take anything or anybody for granted. Make sure you have the best relationship with the most important person in your life – and that is you

I like my previous 67 years, warts and all. And ‘yes’ I would do it all over again, warts and all. There are a couple of things I did I would like to apologize for; no, nothing criminal, thank you. But I would still do it all again, because those first 67 years (like there will be a second set of 67 years) were really good.

So I advice you not to hurry; stop and smell the proverbial roses, inhale whatever you are doing (legal stuff only) and enjoy where you are in your life, create more positives than negatives. No matter how busy you are, don’t pass all this fantastic stuff on the way – those many magic moments you should be able to look back at and treasure when you hit 68 - just like I do today. So the above said and done, perhaps it will be a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, after all.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

SECRETS – nearly impossible to keep



If I have a secret and decide to tell you what it is, what I’m concerned, it is not a secret anymore. But the official definition of secret is hiding information from certain individuals or groups, so my much more logical philosophy doesn’t hold water – but it should, don’t you think?

When looking up the word secret in books that explain words like that, you are quickly guided to secrecy, which fans out to clandestinely and furtiveness, both challenging tongue-twisters; say each word six times really fast and you might never be able to untangle your tongue.

 Clandestinely is an adjective invented back in the days (1528) and explains “marked by, held in or conducted in secrecy”; like love affairs, and stuff like that – not something everyone should know about, huh? Furtiveness is from around 1612 and means “done by stealth / obtained underhandedly”. What I’m concerned, nobody got it right - well, except me; but you decide, of course.

We all have secrets; some are juicy (my favorites) and others are just utterly boring. Our secrets are about things we do not want to share with anybody, not even Fluffy, the family bunny, because you never know, do you? It’s stuff about ourselves, stuff about people around us, things we do, have done and might want to do, very personal opinions, thoughts and so forth – all sensitive stuff. 

Sharing any little bit of this with others, could be embarrassing, devastating for us and/or the person/people around us. These are secrets we must hold on to and definitely want to keep to ourselves – if we want to keep the peace.

Do I have secrets like that? Of course. Would I share them with you? Are you mad? Besides, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore if I did, would it? But my secrets are not really juicy, mystical or very exciting; they are more so opinions and thoughts I prefer to keep to myself, stuff that wouldn’t improve anything if revealed or make things bad. Yeah, not very exciting, huh? It’s just stuff that I believe we all carry around, and for the most part, keeping these secrets to ourselves is the ticket.

We keep secrets for many reasons. It could be based on shame, on fears, on hurtfulness, acceptance or just common sense. Some things are better not said, I truly believe in that. This should not be misconstrued as being fake, dishonest or cowardly holding back information; the term diplomacy comes to mind.

As mentioned above, the official explanation of secret/secrecy is when we hide information from certain individuals or groups. Family secrets can cover many issues, but that Uncle Ed is a jerk is hard to keep secret. Governments are hiding all kinds of stuff from us, at times stuff we wonder why it was hidden in the first place, why it was packed in secrecy. Corporate secrecy can be rather extensive and of course there are a lot of secrets the corporate world do not want consumers to know about – a huge lot, which is very scary. 

Technology secrets are massive and very much in demand, with corporate spying and worldwide networks of groups doing their very best getting/stealing any of these secrets, at any cost. Military secrets are so vast an area and pretty much every single nation are trying to extract these secrets from each other, even from the ones they call their friends and allied (please remember: these are all adults, which is even more scary). 

But what’s up with Top Secret? Now, if I’m not totally dizzy, when a secret is already a secret, how much more secret can it be? Is Top Secret more secret then a basic secret? Does it mean that I should keep my mouth totally shut trying desperately to keep a Top Secret and perhaps it’s okay to let my mouth run a bit concerning a basic secret? Does Top Secret mean that we also have a Bottom Secret? I didn’t think so; I’m convinced Top Secret was only invented to make movies and spy-novels more exciting.

Officially secrets and secrecy mean sharing information only with certain individuals and groups. So if you are an official secret-holder, not following my interpretation (which of course you should, duh), I hereby officially warn you to always be utterly careful with whom you share your secrets with. Be extremely cautious, especially if it’s a secret that you do NOT want to go any further.  Remember, that since you couldn’t keep this secret to yourself, the person you pass it on to cannot either. 

Confession: on the keeping secrets scale, I am as way down below the bottom-line as you can get. So many times (as in ‘all the time’) I plan something exciting or bought stuff or done stuff for my wife that was supposed to be a secret (as in: surprise) for 30+ years of blissful marriage, I have not been able to keep it to myself – always exposing the (secrets) surprises way ahead of time. Oh well, if nothing else, do I get points for consistency?
  
If you are near exploding concerning a secret you have, I suggest you take a deep breath and reconsider the damage it might cause, before you let it out. Remember that everybody around you has the same darn problem concerning leaking secrets – especially if the secret is not their own. Also remember that the secret you tell somebody will no doubt be retold very differently and so forth. An ongoing retold secret can go from Uncle Ed being a jerk to Aunt Winnie winning the Nobel Peace Prize (which still leaves Uncle Ed a jerk – because that has never been a secret).

I trust we all have some secrets we are not comfortable to share for good reasons; personal stuff, thoughts about, opinions and what-not. And I am fine with people around me not sharing these secrets with me; and perhaps lucky?

I don’t have many secrets as I am a fairly straight-forward and out-spoken person; at times too out-spoken, I’m told. So keeping secrets is not my strongest side – at all. I don’t think my wife has any secrets, if so only very few; she is utterly honest and most people are like that – I believe.

If you have any secrets you can’t keep to yourself anymore, this is your chance to get them out worldwide as this blog has over 26,000 readers from 122 countries – so feel free to place those dark, deep and juicy secrets as a comment, and let’m rip, okay? (I can’t wait). And of course you don’t have to use your real name – as that would be utterly stupid - duh…

DISCLAIMER: If any of you have an Uncle Ed in your family, I’m sorry I made him a jerk, especially if he is not – but remember, to me he is just a person I made up. I’m sure there are a lot of nice Uncle Ed’s out there.