ON THE WRONG END OF A GUN

I want to tell you this true and very real story. With all the talk about stricter rules concerning gun ownership here in the USA, I thought it appropriate. In one sense, as in retrospect, it’s funny - in a morbid kind of way; but as I went through it, nah, it was not funny at all.

Many years ago, I worked as fleet-manager at a car-dealership in San Francisco. A fun friend, JC, was the business-manager – my boss. As it probably still is today, it was a game of selling as many units as possible, making as much money imaginable, so a mix of greed and pushiness dominated; you know, high powered sales attitude. Not that I see anything wrong in that, as long as buyer beware.

So we jumped eagerly into any situation to make a sale; the lore of the mighty dollar. My sales attitude was always in favor of the customer; that was the way I was taught selling, working in Europe. It had worked well there, and it was working really well for me here in the USA. Sure I got caught up in the greediness within the car-business, as we also ran into lean times once in a while; so we worked hard, sold hard and pushed even harder.

This guy, about 35, walked in; I was helping out on the showroom floor, so I greeted him in that charming, self-assured and lovely way of mine. He told me that he wanted to buy a fast and powerful car – and immediately I knew precisely what I wanted to sell him. It was one of last year’s models, which had a hefty bonus pay-out to the one selling it. I asked him to wait while I brought the car around for a test-drive.

He looked rather bland the way he sat and drove the car; overweight and seemingly boring. He had the steering-wheel very close to his chest – a weird driving position. He told me that he needed a car as he had not been around for about five years; later on I found out the significance of that statement. But at the moment I was all: “I’m going to sell him this car and get a big bag full of money;” (the greed part, remember?)

We drove around San Francisco for about 15 minutes and I was wondering why he didn’t want to get on the freeway to test the speed and power – but no. Finally we were going south on Van Ness Avenue towards the dealership; and that was when he told me that something was poking into his lower back. He reached behind him with his left hand and slowly pulled out a handgun that he immediately stuck into my stomach. Now, has that ever happened to you? I hope not. It created one of those few situations in my life where I felt I had to be rather careful about what I was going to say next; something I have always had a slight (read: enormous) problem controlling.

He stopped by the curb, still with what now felt like a huge cannon pressed into my ribs. For some profound reason (duh) he had stopped right in front of the Holy Trinity Cathedral; I thought a mortuary would probably have been more appropriate.

“I’m sorry, but I have to borrow your car…” he said in a calm and controlled voice. My first idiotic thought was to respond like: “That means you are not going to buy it?” as I saw a vast commission and enormous bonus disappearing. But instead I decided to get the hell out of there and wisely negate on being sarcastically funny – but more so bent on staying alive; I considered that a good choice, even back then. I do trust the gun had a lot to do with my decision. Another fleeting thought I had was: “Is that thing loaded – ha-ha?” Or the last gasp before I met my Maker: “Need a tenner for gas?” But I wisely left all the humorous stuff on the floor.

So I quickly hauled my butt out of the car, noted the church and ran as furiously fast I could. The dealership was about 6 blocks away – and I ran and ran and ran, getting rather sweaty… (Yuk).

Finally I stood in front of JC in his office. He calmly looked up as I screamed: “I got a cannon stuck into my stomach and he stole the car and I’m scared and pretty pissed”. JC looked at me and in a calm voice said: “Was it one of last year’s models?” I couldn’t believe that he asked that, as: “OMG, are you okay?” seemed more appropriate – but that was JC, and in retrospect I loved him for it; just such a calm and funny dude, really.

I was brought downtown (doesn’t that sound cool?) by two detectives and gave my report. I spent some hours going through mug-shots; some very scary images. But he wasn’t there. Oh my…

And life continued. For some reason I was okay with all this, and didn’t even think about what could have happened. People around me seemed more upset about it than I was. About once weekly the next couple of months the detectives came by my office and showed me more pictures – but I did not recognize him in any. One of the guys told me that after this gun-slinging dude had asked me to get out of the car, he drove across Golden Gate Bridge and robbed a bank in Marin; at gun-point.

Then one day, my detective pals returned; both grinning from ear to ear. They showed me a line-up of six photos, all nasty looking mug-shots (Yuk) – and there he was. I recognized him at once, though his head was puffy, bruised and beaten up, it looked like. The detectives told me that he had tried to steal a Mercedes from a dealership in Beverly Hills, but while being chased by the police, he crashed into a tree and was arrested. They told me that he had recently spent five years in jail for all kinds of nasty stuff. And of course I remembered that he told me he had not been around for five years – the irony.

They asked me if I was willing to go to Dallas (Texas) to testify if needed. I said yes, of course – like free trip and excitement, huh? And then they told me that he had been transported back to Dallas – on murder charges… All of a sudden I felt I had indeed been very lucky; and life continued.

A few weeks later JC showed up in my office. He had a big smile on his face and a check in his hand. “Can you do that again? We still have some of last year’s models in stock and we really need to get rid of them”. He handed me the check and told me the insurance had paid up and it was my commission plus a rather large bonus. The car was considered sold, though in a rather scary way. JC was happy that another one of “last year’s” units was off the floor – and still giggling.

Being on the wrong end of a gun is not fun – and I know, because I have been there… But luckily, no BANG BANG…

Till next Monday: make it a safe week or better: a safe life

Footnote:

Gun control is a complicated matter, but for starters, there are types of weapons that have absolutely no place in any society. Accessibility to weapons here in the USA is pretty much wide open, where it needs to be narrowed down by tighter restrictions and additional laws. A huge percentage of fatalities caused by guns, is from suicides – makes you think, huh?

TAKING ME FOR GRANTED? – please don’t

There are millions of things we take for granted; we trust, expect, anticipate, assume and believe certain things will happen when we do this or that or when we do nothing at all. In my opinion we don’t give things we take for granted enough credit or appreciation – well, because we take them for granted; duh!

Taking things for granted can be translated into stuff we expect will happen; action causing predictable and expected reaction and that includes all the mechanics surrounding us 24/7. Turn the key and the car starts; punch a number on our Smartphones and we are connected, actually connected to the world; computers are incredible instruments we take for granted big time and we even scream at them if they are too slow; we expect airplanes to stay afloat and land safely, but complain about the small bags of peanuts; hot water in the shower and multi functioning TV’s. The list of these appliances that we ignorantly take for granted, is obnoxiously long.

So once in a while stop and find appreciation in that your car starts and drive, mobile phone works; the complex construction of PC’s and how the heck do they do all that stuff – so fast; the physics of planes flying (accepting the peanuts as a cruel joke) and that at 35,000 feet and thousands of miles away from home, I can set the programming on our TV, using my iPhone, while eating those stupid peanuts. Isn’t all this amazing – really? And then we take it all for granted – when we should appreciate – huh?

But that is just all the “stuff”. So looking away from all the “stuff” for a moment, we acknowledge that the “taking for granted” thing also flourish rather well between us human beings; and this is where it becomes a bit tricky, at times sad and perhaps disappointing. We don’t really want that to happen, do we?

American psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote the following: “Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you have become a comfortable, trusted element in another person’s life.” I’m not sure about you, but do you want to be called a comfortable, trusted element? Sounds more like something you would call that old trustworthy sofa you have taken for granted for years. But Joyce is cautious because she writes: can be a compliment; I certainly do not want anybody to take me for granted – comparing me to the bloody wall-to-wall carpeting.

For some reason, I find that when we start to take people for granted, which involves being able to predict their actions on all levels, it becomes a form of personality assassination – no matter what little or how much personality they had before we started to take them for granted. So you see, taking me for granted, assuming I will do this and that like clockwork, no matter how true and wonderful it is, I still see as an insult. And the stupid deal about it is, that it is rarely meant to be – so perhaps I’m just a bit sensitive and insecure; that might be it, don’t you think? (WAH WAH WAH).

I believe that most relationships dissolve when we start to take each other for granted. We find predictability to the point where it gets boring, no matter how exciting it actually is – or used to be. We don’t often step back and look at the bigger picture, make ourselves aware of how fortunate we are, how privileged we should actually feel and add up all the blessings we felt when we first met. The simple act of looking at those photos from the early part of our relationship reminds us about WHY we are together; the thoughts and feelings will for the most part rush back to us as strong reminders. It is a rather grand trip, it really is.

I have never taken the relationship with my wife for granted – not one single second. We have been successful in keeping each of our initial individualities on track, and have never tried to alter or change each other (okay, we have probably both tried – though unsuccessfully). We respect and appreciate who we are as individuals, and that has kept a lot of the initial interest in each other running through the years. Sure we know each other very well, thoughts, emotions and way we do things, so of course there are the moments when we expect this and that – but that’s okay, as long as taking for granted is not involved. (For the record: of course we have arguments at times – don’t you?)

How often have you actually contemplated your relationship with your best friend? Actually thought about why you are friends, the sides of her you like, things that makes her special, makes your friendship excellent and exciting? You see, we don’t do that often, and that is a pity because the feeling of appreciation is awesome – on both sides, actually.

Sure it can be hard to nail down precisely why your relationships work, why you are best friends. Sometimes all we can come up with is: “some kind of great chemistry”, and that is a fair assessment, it really is; a bit open-ended, but fair.

Ask your friends, your wife, husband, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend why they think it all works so well; I think some of the answers will surprise you. I’ve asked my wife a couple of times and besides stuff that is none of your business, it was “because I can be me”. That statement knocked me over, because I never thought of that; it is so awesome to know – it really is.

We tend to get boring in our relationships when we don’t have to. We settle with everyday routines just to function. Some find that is enough excitement, but for the most part it’s bloody boring. We walk past each other so many times every day, and do we look, smile, you know: acknowledge and appreciate? Or are we just pieces of furniture? So you can see how taking for granted is not a very nice thing to practice, huh?

What I’m concerned, the opposite of taking for granted is appreciation; it’s as simple as that. And you’ll be surprised with the joy of backing off taking things for granted gives you when we move forward and acknowledge the people and the stuff we are surrounded by; it’s a grand trip we should take often.

When we appreciate each other more, acknowledge how fortunate we are, we all live better lives. I often look at photos from when the boys were small, from diapers through zits, school, leaving home, work, girlfriends and marriage. I met my wife 28-plus years ago and have so many great memories of the great times we had. I get teary eyed as I find myself a very fortunate person, and I will never take that for granted.

I don’t want to be predictable (as in boring); nobody wants to be labeled like that. Sure we get caught up in everyday routines and we forget to add a bit of color. But when we do, it makes a huge difference. So try to do something nice to somebody else, outside your normal schedule and enjoy the smiles it creates. It clearly tells them, that you do not take them for granted - and that is really nice to know; don't you think?

SKIING WITH PETER – if you dare

The term ski comes from the ancient Scandinavian language Old Norse. It was skio back then, thousands of years ago. It meant split pieces of wood as well as firewood – the irony? After hurling down mountains on pieces of split wood, taking a few falls on the way, firewood is not far from a banged up skiers thinking; unfortunately I know how that works.

In Denmark, only cross-country skiing is a possibility as Denmark is flat as a pancake. One of the two highest points is Himmelbjerget; its majestic peak reaching an astonishing height of 482 feet – isn’t Magic Mountain in Disneyland higher? Here’s another irony: Himmelbjerget means heaven (or sky) mountain. Those Danes have such a great sense of humor, don’t you think?

Back in the 1970s BS (Before Snowboarding) skiing was still for the rich people, as it involved trips to foreign lands with mountains taller than 482 feet and some serious snow. I lived just outside Copenhagen with a girlfriend from California, Andee. She had a colorful personality, lots of energy and wanted to have fun. At times I struggled keeping up with her – yeah, I know ME?

Andee suggested a ski-trip and I no doubt said: whatever. As I, Andee had never been skiing. We bought tickets to a ski resort in France called Aime La Plagne. And now it was time to outfit ourselves with ski equipment. Both of us went overboard considering our beginner status. I got top-of-the-line Rossignol skis and bindings, fancy ski-clothes, cool high tech ski boots and smart goggles – everything and then some.

It was a two weeks vacation, so we packed accordingly and then some. After a few hours flight we landed in Geneva (Switzerland) and got on the resort bus waiting for us. 3-4 hours on curvy roads, we entered France and arrived late afternoon at La Plagne. It was a fantastic resort sitting on top of a mountain ridge – probably still does.

We checked into the hotel, had dinner and couldn’t wait to get up the next morning and do that skiing thing. Oh, Andee signed up for beginner lessons; I didn’t think I needed to sign up for any ski lessons; I mean, the word bunny-slope was involved, duh. Well, that was a huge mistake.

After struggling getting into all this new stuff, skis and all, I was on the snow early the next morning. I looked smashing – as long as I didn’t move. Never been on skis, I quickly realized that trying to glide on those split pieces of wood and look cool in the process was impossible; so I stopped often and pretended to admire the view – and then I stumbled a few meters more.

I ended up on the edge of a downhill; the small kids made it look so easy. I figured, that on the way down, I’d pick up that turning left and right thing and perhaps also learn how to brake and stop. Small kids could do it, so what was the big deal?

I looked at the bottom of this mountain (it seemed). “Piece of ice cream-cake”, I thought. Took a deep breath and pushed off. As speed quickly picked up from that point on, I swiftly made a mental note to sign up for ski-lessons as soon as possible – if this didn’t kill me first, which it seemed to be in the process off.

The skis were flying from one side to another, poles all over the place, knees twisting and turning, my body being hammered, utter fear in my eyes while constantly screaming “MOR” (Danish for mother). The speed kept picking up and up and everything turned into a blur. I made another note: learn how to stop.

It was explained to me later, that I had come down in a straight line (yeah, duh…) and that my screams had attracted quite an audience from the lift line at the bottom of this huge mountain (they actually called it a practice-hill, as in advanced bunny-slope). What was left of my body had ended up a few feet from some orange netting; the skis were found in different time-zones and the poles far from anywhere. It had looked so bad that I was pretty much pronounced dead halfway down.

After some help getting my stuff back together, I headed straight into the ski-instructors office and demanded one week of private lessons. I was assigned to Pierre and we met up early the next morning.

With Pierre telling me what to do, I quickly picked up on how to ski. He started me up on the bunny-slopes and soon progressed to more difficult runs – 4 hours every day. After each day’s lesson, I continued skiing till the slopes closed down at sunset; I was seriously bitten. On the third day we went all the way to the top of the mountain and ran a few of the lesser black diamonds and then it was time for the Suicide Run (they should at least have called it that).

I was hesitant, but Pierre said: “Just follow me and do what I do, okay?” And I did – everything he did; it felt fantastic. The next few days we did the Suicide Run again and again, faster and faster – and I experienced how fantastic skiing could be.

“Are you having fun?” Pierre asked, and I was. So he told me I was on my own - I had graduated and felt great.

The next morning I was the first in line to go to the top. I was so ready and looked down on the perfectly groomed Suicide Run. But then I realized how bloody steep it was - without Pierre. I looked again and then decided that there was no way in Hell I was going to ski that thing alone, no way. So I got back on the lift and took a ride down to the bottom. I thought I was good, but obviously not that good. I spent the rest of the vacation skiing slopes less death-threatening, but still had a lot of fun – I was hooked.

Next year Andee and I decided to do it again. We went to Courchevel in the French Alps for two weeks. This place is considered “one of the best ski-resorts in Europe – if you can afford it”. The weather was fantastic with sunny days and snowy nights; absolutely perfect conditions.

The third evening we had dinner with a couple from our hotel. After a bit too much French wine we walked around the village and found a skating-rink, so we went skating. I used to be rather good on skates, jumps and all – but forgot it was a million years ago since I last strapped a pair of skates on.

But it all came back fast and I felt comfortable (but still slightly intoxicated). So I was going to show them a few jumps – and that’s when I fell hard on my shoulder and damaged one of my collarbones – and no more skiing on that vacation with 11 days left; I was pissed. Learned a lot about mixed drinks as many other casualties gathered daily in a great bar with a beautiful view of the slopes and the surrounding mountains – skiing would have been better; but I know what a Grasshopper is – a lot…

I continued skiing here in California. Always running fast, never really enjoying the views, kind of skiing – just fast. One time my wife and I met up with some friends for skiing in Beaver Creek, Colorado. We skied in a group of six, down really nice slopes and perfect conditions. Then we were heading into a softer right turn (I can still see it) and everybody in front of me was hugging the corner. The slope was very wide, so lots of space to the left. So I swung out and into the middle to pick up more speed through the turn. And that’s when I saw this huge icy spot. I dug in as hard as I could, but that didn’t help and death was yet again a possibility. Did it hurt? YES, but more so mentally than physically.

I did ski in the years after that crash, had a lot of fun with my wife and kids in the snow, but I started to feel hesitant and cautious about my skiing and some years back I stopped all together. But what I ride it had been. Do I miss it? Surprisingly not, but I highly recommend it – I really do and snowboarding too.

NOT ME - MY OUTFIT WAS BLUE

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO – or too easy?

Being dumped is not hilariously funny; deciding to divorce has little entertainment value; splitting up by mutual agreement rarely works and the guilt based: “let’s stay friends” seldom pans out.  Somebody is always ending up hurt, bitter, resentful, confused and for a while, emotionally damaged. Yes, breaking up is hard to do, but are we making it too easy?

When I began thinking about this subject, I wanted to go back and try to recall my feelings and other emotions from “being dumped”, as in somebody telling me to get the heck out, go away, “I hate you” and/or “you are ugly and your cooking sucks”. I really tried hard, but I could not find a single relationship where I had experienced being dumped; did I go through breaking-ups? Of course I did – and then some…

Let us establish that to terminate any relationship, there has to be at least two persons involved; duh! The irony: in many cases it’s a third person causing the dissolutions, based on the ignorant philosophy: the grass is (in most cases only seemingly) always greener.

We meet, we get to know each other, we become emotionally and physically attached; and then we fall in love. It’s all so euphorically exciting and so – forever? At least we hope so, as we cannot envision life without her or him ever (sigh); should I mention love & blindness here? I do recall that exhilarated feeling – again and again.

And a relationship can also end – duh! It can die gradually or rather quickly, as in “cheating” (having physical relations with someone you really shouldn’t do it with). To me cheating is the ultimate trust-buster and as trust is in the top-three of what a relationship is built on – cheating is far from nice. What infidelity is concerned: we can forgive, but rarely can we forget.

I think that most fizzling relationships lose their sizzle because we do not put enough work into them. If we don’t water the flowers, they will not grow, they will die – relationships are like flowers.

Breaking up is also based on some laziness and the unfortunate fact that we start to take each other for granted. We don’t see the person we fell in love with, with the same feelings we experienced back then. We slowly start to slack off ourselves and then we suddenly look at each other and go: “What the heck happened?” and then we start packing.

We throw other things away, so perhaps it’s an ingrown bad habit? The TV goes on the blink – we throw it out and get a new one. The coffee-grinder repair costs more than 10 new grinders; so we discard it and buy a new one, and so forth. But don’t you think relationships should be treated better than TV’s and coffee-grinders? For the most part, relationships are worth repairing.

To avoid being dumped or break up, we need to constantly work on our relationships. We need to communicate verbally, emotionally and physically – constantly. Sounds like a task? Well, it is NOT a task, far from, as you could harvest exciting results.

We are all basically good people. Luckily we differ as we are all individuals, each and every one of us. We not only have our own unique DNA, but more so our very own distinctive personality. In spite of all the differences, we still find companions we are attracted and drawn to. As a species we are monogamous – so we pair up and stay together – well, for the most part.

When we acknowledge and respect how different each of us is, we can better understand that for relationships to work, we must constantly make sure that we are on the same track; communication is essential, and not just “how was your day?”, “did you feed the kids and cat?” or “what is that weird thing on my elbow?” We need to go way beyond that – we need to constantly explore each other’s individuality and development – because that is what we do, we constantly go through changes on all levels – so why not go through it together? There’s an idea…

If we constantly communicate, we will no doubt avoid many break-ups, fights, divorces and what not. When we avoid communicating, it suddenly shows up in our face: What the Hell happened? Why don’t I like you anymore? “Weren’t we best buddies?” And then the guilt questions pop up as well as the wide range of unpleasant moments, emotions and the finger pointing to establish blame – don’t you just hate that?

If we find ourselves too busy to communicate with each other during our relationships and believe that someday we can just catch up and restore, we are so totally wrong. We quickly find that we have grown, and not grown together, but grown apart. We didn’t keep each other up to date about how we were developing, matured and all the stuff that makes each of us so unique; remember? When we keep communication going, breaking-ups would be fewer – I have no doubts about that.

As many different reasons for parting ways, as many different reactions; suffering the break of trust, loss of love, lack of respect, violated fidelity, boredom, and add your own – if you have any to add. We feel abandoned, discarded and on the same emotional level as TV’s and coffee-grinders. So we go through a period of mourning in all its drab shades and shadows; we cannot see that stupid silver-lining everybody tells us about; for now I’m sad and disappointed and feel like crap – so go away and leave me alone (so I can also pick on that weird thing on my elbow…)

Some handle split-ups better than others – duh! We look back instead of looking forward; but why not take this glorious moment of opportunity and start anew? Why not look at the positive side of a failed relationship? Why not reevaluate myself, find out who I am and where I want to go? Okay, so Joe Crap dumped me, but when you really look at it isn’t that his problem and not mine? Obviously he didn’t have the capacity to appreciate me, etc. So better getting rid of the jerk now than in 25 years and three kids later, huh?

I’m a fairly black or white, hot or cold person. So, I either like somebody or something, or I don’t which effectively removes the wishy-washy factor and makes life easier. So I can only see myself having handled split-ups and departures with that attitude.

Have I hurt anybody, made somebody sad or angry or what-not? I’m sure I have. Have I hurt and felt terrible about parting ways? I am very sure I have. Has any of it been easy? I’m positive that none was easy. Have I simulated Joe Crap at times? I possibly have – with plenty of after-the-fact regrets.

Breaking up is hard to do; but let’s not make it so easy. I believe we can eliminate a lot of those awkward moments of bye-bye’s and rescue some true relationships in the process, simply by communicating – of course only if you feel it’s worth the effort.

Until next Monday (and beyond, of course): Make it work – by working on it…

Related posts you might enjoy:

Relationships

Trust

Cheating

Who am I Really?

Being in love

WHO AM I REALLY? – time to update me

How would you like to be a happier person, more energetic, effective, liked and loved? How would you like to function better, smile more and live a better life, be a better you? Yeah, I know, it sounds like a bad info-mercial, but it is as possible as it sounds - and marked down to free; just takes a bit of your time and effort - are you with me?

iTunes and my iPhone keep me updated with new and improved stuff. Microsoft has seemingly daily enhancements to be added. Everything we buy is newer, better and more effective, as it should be. This is all good and well - but are you updating and improving you? Don’t you want to be even nicer than you already are? Well, here’s how…

I believe we have an unfortunate tendency to go stale (boring?) in what we do, the way we feel, think and function – and don’t you think that’s a pity? If not, you really should, because we ALL have a heck of a lot more to give, we really do; so why not install an even better version of ourselves in ourselves - duh?

I rarely use the term: “I’m bored”, because to me it’s a very sad statement; it simply tells me that I have reached the BLAH plateau (blah-teau?), which is not a nice place to be. Have I actually run out of stuff that excites me, interests me and keeps me busy in a positive manner? Am I really “satisfied” with me at this point in my life and ignorantly accepting the BLAH, as in: bloody boring?

Well, if I’m bored with myself, how damn boring am I to you, to the people around me and especially to my pets, for crying out loud? You see, we constantly look and expect newness, updates and improvements in things, stuff and ignorantly also from the people we surround us with. So how about looking at ourselves, establish a fresher spring in our steps, blow the cobwebs out of our system and smile a truer smile? Hey, there’s an idea; so let’s do some updating - grab a pen and a pad.

My everyday life is utterly organized. My calendar is full of everything I must, want and shall do daily, down to the smallest detail. Most (normal) individuals, including my wife, children and aforementioned pets, roll eyes and shake their heads concerning how organized I am. But I really don’t care, as I consider that everything I write in my planner, evacuates my brain, keeps my life simple and the space between my ears fairly uncluttered (which actually creates a nice echo effect).

And my organized life extends beyond that, as I also keep an eye on who I am, as I do not like to go stale or boring. So I do an annual “inventory” of me, which takes place around December 31. And it feels very good and I highly recommend it – so I dare you to make you feel better about yourself; there’s a challenge – and you can thank me later...

On one list I write down everything that I find NEGATIVE about myself – and I mean EVERYTHING. I try to look at myself as somebody else would see me; not my Mother – way too bias. Issues about eating as well as I should, more exercise, stuff I do that I shouldn’t do – stuff I shouldn’t do that I do, relationships with other people, especially with my wife, kids and pets, friends and family, overall attitude and so forth. When you really dissect those negative (not favorable) things about yourself, it’s amazing what pops up – but this is all good, it really is.

Then it’s time for the POSITIVE stuff, things you like about yourself and again, write EVERYTHING down – the more the better. What do I like about me, what do people actually see in me that is encouraging, good stuff I do, overall attitude and so forth. If you are doing an honest and thorough job, it’s amazing how great we actually find that we already are - but there will always be room for improvement, of course; that’s why we do this updating stuff, isn’t it?

If you feel like applying outside opinions for an even better perspective, that is certainly an option. Just be careful to digest bias opinions with a bit of “whatever” attitude. Of course ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands will tell you their truth about you, but we don’t really give a hooters what they think about you at this point, do we?

The third and final list is one for your goals, immediate and further into the future. What do you want to accomplish? Prove Einstein wrong about his theory of relativity? Peace on Earth? Find an easier way to open plastic protected electronics? Go back to kindergarten and find out, once and for all, if Lara actually thought you were a hot number (I hope she did)? Invent the perpetual motion machine (and good luck with that)? Nah, you’ll no doubt stay with something easier – something with reality applied.

And then you work on the lists, find ways to improve, adjust and correct. Just by making the lists, we realize things about ourselves that are refreshing. By recognizing our good sides as well as our not so good sides, we have already started to improve ourselves; acknowledging where we are, shows us where we want to go.

To me, updating my relationship with my wife is an important bit. In spite that we do have a good and solid relationship, it can ALWAYS get better. Relationships especially, has so many layers of emotions, thoughts, feelings and expectations that make it easy to even improve on perfection.

But consider what YOU can do to refresh, reboot and update. Is it about more hugs, time together, considerations at work, attentiveness (a big one), concern, interest, listening skills, overall attitude and so forth? You see, the list can be as long as you need it to be. Remember this is about making YOU happy and more energetic about YOUR life. And when you are happy and satisfied with who you are and where you are in life, people around you will feel the same way about you, they really will, as nobody likes a stale and grumpy person.

I like new-year resolutions (link below for one I wrote some time back), because I follow them to the greater extent than not. Being so bloody organized I have a hard time not following what I write down. But the annual self-inventory update bit is heavier and more important. It takes some labor, but it is worth every second of it and then some.

If you don’t already do stuff like this, I highly recommend that you start now. Life is short, it really is, so why not be the best you can be (without sounding like a promotion to join the military). You are probably a great person (you must be, reading this blog), so why not try for even better? – and you can thank me later.

Links to:

RELATIONSHIPS

NEW-YEAR RESOLUTIONS

Really...

HAPPY KRINGLE – and thank you so much

I’m taking the day off, so if you clicked in and expected the usual Monday post sprawling out in front of you, I am kind of sorry. I am also kind of breaking a string of 88 weeks in a row of new stuff to chat about, so to some extent I failed (yeah, right).

I’m not a religious dude, but I stick to the tradition of Xmas, believing more in presents and Santa, than the birth of any child – no disrespect what-so-ever. So from the old country, it’s a relaxed day today, the 24th of December, consisting of brunch, a long walk around a local lake in a local park, a hot chocolate and cookies break, with a view.

Then it’s home, getting the music and candles going, while the fireplace is roaring and crackling. I’ll probably take a nap and then it’s time to prepare some ham, my special potato-dish, red cabbage, a special bottle of wine (thanks Brian & Moyra), some presents (yeah, I know what they are – all of them), some dessert and then bed. I like Xmas – I really do; and Xmas smells so great; don't you think?

And this is where I want to yet again thank all of you for reading and following my blog. I am in so much humble awe – I really am. 19 months ago I just meant to communicate with our few friends and family, perhaps 10 to15 page-views weekly. It is soon reaching 10,000 from over 102 countries (and you are welcome to count them - I certainly would) - go figure…

ALBANIA

ALGERIA

ARGENTINA

AUSTRALIA

AUSTRIA

BAHRAIN

BANGLADESH

BELARUS

BELGIUM

BOLIVIA

BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA

BRAZIL

BULGARIA

CANADA

CHILE

CHINA

COLOMBIA

CROATIA

CYPRUS

CZECH REPUBLIC

DENMARK

DOMINICAN REPUBLIC

ECUADOR

EGYPT

EL SALVADOR

FINLAND

FRANCE

GABOR

GEORGIA

GERMANY

GREECE

GUERNSEY

HONDURAS

HONG KONG

HUNGARY

INDIA

INDONESIA

IRAN

IRAQ

IRELAND

ISRAEL

ITALY

JAMAICA

JAPAN

JERSEY

KAZAKHSTAN

KENYA

LATVIA

LEBANON

LITHUANIA

MALAYSIA

MALDIVES

MAURITIUS

MEXICO

MOLDOVA

MONACO

MYANMAR (BURMA)

NETHERLANDS

NEW ZEALAND

NIGERIA

NORWAY

OMAN

PAKISTAN

PANAMA

PERU

PHILIPPINES

POLAND

PORTUGAL

PUERTO RICO

QATAR

ROMANIA

RUSSIA

RWANDA

SAUDI ARABIA

SENEGAL

SERBIA

SEYCHELLES

SINGAPORE

SLOVAKIA

SLOVENIA

SOUTH AFRICA

SOUTH KOREA

SPAIN

SUDAN

SWEDEN

SWITZERLAND

TAIWAN

TANZANIA

THAILAND

TRINIDAD & TOBAGO

TURKEY

UGANDA

UKRAINE

UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

UNITED KINGDOM

URUGUAY

USA

UZBEKISTAN

VENEZUELA

VIETNAM

YEMEN

ZAMBIA

Now, if you didn’t find the one you are from, please let me know. And again, thank you for your interest – and did I mention the thing about me being in awe?

All my best to you and your families, friends and the people you find inspiring; this is especially a good time to let them all know that you care (well, if you do, duh...)

With respect and warm wishes,

Peter B. Steiness

Now if you have withdrawal symptoms and crave reading one of Peter's posts, here's an appropriate link to one about Santa - enjoy

SANTA - I finally know the truth

MUSIC – are we really listening?

We are surrounded by music through radio, TV, in the office, at home, at the mall, any kind of mobile music player, riding elevators and in planes & automobiles; just to name a few. We listen to music when we exercise, sleep, work, party and so forth. We are constantly bombarded with these organized sounds that we call music. But are we really listening?

Music is an art-form consisting of sounds and silence. The pitch controls melody and harmony, we add tempo and rhythm as well as some dynamic and sonic qualities of timbre and texture – yeah, whatever…

Of course music is from the Greek mousike, which means art of the muses. I found that we do not really have a solid understandable definition of music, so I’ll give you my rendition: I see  music as a massive quantity of sounds, organized and executed in a way that is pleasing to me and my many senses.

I do not believe in the term noise, because to me, noise is sound; at times, a rather irritating one, but still a sound - so take that. Most music is very organized; some music is improvisational and then we have some that rolls into aleatonic forms, meaning some elements in the composition is left to chance – and that’s when we get up, cover our ears, roll our eyes, turn it off and/or leave the room. But when we listen to music, do we really listen?

For the most part music goes in one ear and out the other; it’s just part of the wall of sounds we are constantly surrounded by. And at times we crank up the iPod and concentrate a bit more in the listening department, as She Loves You (that would be The Beatles) is carving its way into our heads and activates our senses.

I was lucky enough to grow up with The Beatles (1963 and forward); She Loves You is a song I have listened to approximately 65 trillion times - at least. It is a simple composition consisting of vocals, bass guitar, rhythm guitar, single guitar and drums; the band set-up at that time. To me it’s as powerful a song today as it was back then – no matter or because of, how simple it is - really.

Now, you listen to the song, you snap some fingers, tap a few toes and otherwise go with the tune and the simplistic beat. But you can also listen to the song in a much more concentrated manner, which I really find fascinating, and it will change your attitude towards music.

With headphones or ear-buds in place, the volume up to the breaking-your-hearing point, you play one of your favorites. Listen to the piece as you normally listen and enjoy. Now play it again and try to pull in the drums. All of a sudden you realize how well it’s played (or not), but the point is that you can do this separation of anything you are listening to. While concentrating on the drums you find that the vocals and anything else is pushed into the background. So why do this? To me it enhances my listening pleasure (and in a few cases not).

Another thing you will experience is a much bigger appreciation of the music that you already like. Oh and that brings me to this: What is good music? Any music you like – plain and simple.

We take music for granted, which is understandable as we have been listening to it for a few years. The first instruments were flutes, as far as we know; they go way back to pre-historic times, which is some 40,000 years ago. But when we really listen to today’s music or what Beethoven did back around 1800 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUDWIG – he would have been something like 242 yesterday (12/16)), we find a terrific and exciting world of WOW; and here is why…

I believe that music-wise, we are spoiled. We take all these songs and pieces of music for granted – we get a bit ignorant in the process, as our expectation level soars high as a kite; yes, including me – no, not me being high as a kite; duh.

You can pretty much take any music and really listen and appreciate. K.D. Lang sings I Want it All which is a driving song that is basically simple in composition, but when you really listen, the bass run, drums, and all the rest is produced in a fascinating and superb way. To some the song is not much, but when you really listen to all those utterly fascinating layers of sounds, the perfection of execution, to me, that is music, real music at its best.

Beethoven’s last (full) symphony, the Ninth, is so complex. But the second we turn both ears to the deep layers of what this dude composed, it is amazing how he did it; and he was totally deaf the last half of his life. All these multitudes of instruments put together in a firework of wonderful and exciting sounds, cannot be more awesome – no way. Even if your taste is not the classics, you must give yourself a chance and listen – really listen.

Too often we forget the artistry of the performers. Though I’m not fully sold on Metallica (heavy metal rock), I am utterly enthralled with the quality of the production of their songs, their perfection in execution and especially the totally awesome drum/percussion work by Lars Ulrich (a fellow Dane); absolutely one of the best in the business.

Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston and so many other singers, with their perfectly attuned voices, becoming another instrument played so well. Sure they do take after take to get it right, but we are listening to the end product and that’s how we judge, how we enjoy – tapping toes and snapping fingers, going WOW.

The fast moving fingers of piano players like Oscar Peterson and Arthur Rubenstein, so fast it literally makes you dizzy, as you cannot fathom how the heck they can do it – and trust me, I have tried so many times and I’m not even close.

The superb guitar work of Eric Clapton, Segovia, George Harrison and so many more; the 20-piece big band hitting the notes to perfection. Music is a fascinating world – it really is.

When I was a kid, my Mother and I used to listen to classical music together. Our favorites were the 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky and Finlandia by Finnish composer Sibelius. We both got into the stories we each saw in these pieces – and every time we ended up with tears running. When we really listen, that can happen – again and again.

Music is for all kinds of moods; when we are sad, happy, pissed or just because. We react to music by smiling, crying, dancing – music can direct our emotions, if we want it or not. It also makes us break out doing silly things.

At times I play the air-guitar to Rudy Rotta & Brian Auger’s BOOM BOOM, in front of the mirror, dressed only in underwear. It’s a rocker that rocks so fantastic. When I’m depressed, or in a nasty mood, music is the medication that will clear all that out; but when doing the underwear-air-guitar thing in front of the mirror, our pets run down into the basement in horror. I know they must be utterly desperate, because we don’t have a basement.

I like my kind of music loud and full. I’ll eventually lose some of my hearing, but it will be worth it all – BOOM BOOM, Beatles, Beethoven and so many other – (now where did I put that air-guitar?)

Till next Monday - Listen to the music, please...

DIVERSITY – how awesome is that?

When each of us respects diversity

we will all get stronger – together.

This is a line I wrote some years back and I fully believe the power of those words – not because I wrote them, but the meaning of them. Yes, it sounds as simple as most solutions sound, but with this one we can start at home and work our way from there. The results could be so awesome. Don’t you think?

Among the billions of human beings we live with, there are such multitudes of differences: skin-color, nationalities, languages, religions, traditions, values and the list of our differences is extremely long. But why don’t we more so look at the list of what we have in common instead of what we do not have in common; wouldn’t that make sense? Isn’t that a much better place to start?

We are all stuck on this globe-thing together; the moon is not ready to be invaded yet. Universally we all want to live happy lives, we want to survive whatever situations we are faced with, we want to love, be loved, be happy and care for our children, our families and friends and then die from natural causes, like old age; how simple is that? And that is what we ALL want, no question about it.

We are intensely suspicious about our differences. That’s why we have insecurities when facing people “not like us”, starting with some of our neighbors and that is not good. We should make the effort to understand each other much better by communicating a lot more. Bigotry, racism and homophobia (to name a few) are just factions I strongly believe could be diminished in strength by simple communication, learning, knowledge, understanding and from that: respecting. Yes, I am that naïve, but I do trust it can work a lot better than it does.

If we gather a few people from a multitude of different countries and place them in one space, I am convinced that they will quickly find common ground, based on simple human needs, instincts, feelings, emotions and simple zest for living. And it will work, because they get to know each other as human beings first, without borders and without molds we believed they belonged in. “IMAGINE”, John Lennon asked us to do…

We have a tendency to discard things and people and stuff that are different from ourselves; diverse makes us uncomfortable, so we react defensively. When we lack knowledge about something, we have a penchant to quickly ignore and discard instead of seeking understanding and learn. So we become ignorant, instead of wise and sympathetic.

When we look around within our little world of home, family, work and leisure, we’ll find that we are not fully embracing the power of understanding each other when faced with diversity. Insecurities make us judge and pass sentence, instead of accepting and respect. Based on one person’s actions, we blame his or her race world-wide. Like when swearing at somebody on the freeway who just cut you off – perhaps referring to that person’s ethnic background? When faced with a group of young boys being loud and “young”, obviously having a great time, do you tend to meet that with a negative thought, or do you smile and wave and do the “hi”-thing? They are young, for crying out loud and you used to be young as well – don’t you remember? Or do we go: All boys are loud and stupid? Admittedly, generalization is fast and easy, but also ignorant and for the most part: silly. Don’t you agree?

When we face the true understanding of diversity, we primarily translate it into a racial issue. True, race is obviously a big one; but is racial only a color concern? It is unfortunately so much more. Living in Copenhagen (being the cool ones, of course) we made jokes about the “farmers & fishermen” living in the western part of Denmark; or we explained simple things in a derogatory way so the people living in Aarhus (a larger city in western Denmark) could understand it. Was it funny? No. Was it ignorant? Yes. Did I get some laughs out of it? Yes. But it was cheap and pathetic. Jokes and comments about someone different from you, are applied unfairly because we are ignorant and lack knowledge, and that does not move us any closer to a better understanding of each other. Yes, I have sinned millions of times, but as I have gotten more mature (older), I find regrets in every stupid comment I have ever made in that department – I really do.

As an example, I have never thought “dumb blond” jokes were funny – seriously. So I was happy when I could close the diversity gap with this “dumb blond” joke:

“Why are dumb blond jokes so short?”

“So men can understand them…”

But then we are being insensitive to men; yet another “diversity” issue. Crap, it’s not getting any easier, is it? It was supposed to…

We are told to tip-toe around racial issues to stay political correct. We are suing each other for bigotry and being racists by not using the correct language. A Negro is no longer a Negro, and no longer a black person, but is at the moment an African-American. I’m still a white dude – so seriously, should I be offended when I have to check the box on the form that says WHITE? Perhaps it should say: Caucasian; but nobody can really spell or pronounce it correctly. Does all this sound silly to you? It should, because it is - really silly.

So what are we doing? We are supposed to get along, respect diversity, but instead we come up with new names for the same things, broadening the gap when we need to narrow it. We are told to tip-toe around our differences, when we should learn, respect and seek to understand these differences a lot better instead and then acknowledge all our sameness. So why can’t we just do that? We must make it easier to learn and understand each other, so we can move forward hand in hand; and I truly believe that is what we all want and must do.

For the most part we treat diversity with disrespect because of insecurities, ignorance and lack of information. Instead we should embrace diversity and acknowledge how unique and awesome it really is. And we can start doing so by dealing with issues around ourselves, solve our small insignificant “differences” with understanding and respect, and then work our way from that point – and when each of us respect diversity more, we will all get along a lot better – are you ready to try it?

I respect you for who you are; whatever gender, color or creed, sexual orientation, faith, nationality and choice of favorite soccer-team (which is the tough one, of course); yes, I stand by this entire acceptance, respect and perhaps a bit of LOVE? (As long as you are not on the wrong side of the judicial system and well-known to the police, Interpol, CIA or FBI – my diversity acceptance does have limits, just so you know)…

Until next Monday – get to know thy neighbor (there’s a start…)