CRAPPY DAYS – and I’m not alone

We all have crappy days – I hope; I know I do. To ‘excuse’ my once in a while unholy crappiness, I decided a long time ago, that it’s like a natural safety-valve that holds back compressed anger, frustration, anxieties, insecurities, boredom, overall yackiness and other uncomfortable stuff. It’s like if I don’t periodically let some steam out (dark, nasty smelling clouds of smoke, actually), I would probably explode in a horrific, though colorful way. With that image in mind, you can understand why I don’t exactly embrace crappy days – a lot.
 

I hate people, who are crappy, as well as I dislike crappy people; I have a hard time accepting the occasional day of crappiness somebody is going through. It ruins my otherwise eternal (yeah, right) positive, happy and energetic attitude – and then I get crappy too; that’s the part I really hate.
 

I despise being in a crappy mood (‘crappy’ pronounced: ‘shitty’). It irritates me no end, as I for the most part have no bloody clue why I’m in that unstable stage of emotions – I really don’t know. I figure that with my intellect, life-experience and overall positive attitude concerning being somewhat well-balanced, I should be able to get out of it fast, no sweat. But I can’t. I desperately try to figure out the reason I’m off tilted, but for the most part, I can’t for the life of me find any reasons at all.
 

I have preached the use of the ‘negative-positive’ lists for ages and though I do practice what I preach, especially when I’m crappy, I find that even being such a lucky guy in all of life, I still have a hard time ‘crapping’ out, and that makes me even crappier… if possible.
 

Since we all visit Crappyland occasionally, let’s do the cop-out thing by looking for anybody or anything to blame for our day of crap, no matter how utterly pathetic that is. Oh hey, how about this one?

His name was Thomas Crapper, born in 1836 and died in 1910, in case you care. He was a plumber and the founder of Thomas Crapper & Co. in London. No, Dear Reader, Thomas did not invent the flushing toilet, but he did make it rather popular as he installed a lot of them to great relief for so many, even today. He also has his company name on a manhole near Westminster Abbey (a large church-thing…) that is somewhat a tourist attraction. Unfortunately I missed that when in London last May – oh crap… (Thanks, Tom).
 

So you get the connection – huh? Poor Thomas might not have appreciated this kind of fame, but we freely and blatantly blame him for at least being the namesake of our foul moods, shit that happens and those blah days we love to hate – sorry Thomas, really.
 

I try to stay away from using what we consider foul language – something I unfortunately have a hard time with – seriously. But I do not consider ‘crap’, ‘crappy’ or ‘crappiness’ part of that equation. To me any ‘crap’ is more so uttered with the greatest respect and in honor of Thomas & his flushing toilets.
 

During foul moods, I desperately try to keep it all within myself, trying not to affect my surroundings too much; I do not always succeed and for that I am utterly sorry. Being in the car on ‘crap-day’, I cannot find anybody who is not a jerk, bad driver, stupid, etc. Yes, I should probably not drive at all those days, but I do. I walk the dog and somebody smiles, wave and do the jolly ‘good morning’ thing. I throw them a pretend smile and think: ‘what the hell is YOUR problem’. Even my dog can feel the heat and gives the passer-by the ‘I’m sorry, he’s in such a crappy mood today’ look.
 

Tess, our wonder dog, is as sweet as a dog can be. She ‘swings’ with the mood in our home which for the most part is happy and fun. When I was in bed with a broken leg some years back, Tess was by my side constantly – being all worried. Our moods are picked up by her and she reacts accordingly. But when its ‘crappy-day-for-Peter’, she has a special hiding place she sneaks into at times; bless her lovely heart.
 

She is also a reason for me to ease up and try to get back to normal. The way she looks at me when I’m swearing away being crappy, is so sweet, innocent and concerned, that you have to be a real jerk not to acknowledge that she is very worried, hurting and disturbed. Then she'll lick my hand a lot (which I really don’t like, because I have seen how she cleans herself – duh…), snuggles up to me wherever I am and stays by my side like the formidable Velcro-Dog; just a true sweetheart (sigh) – and who wouldn’t give in to that?
 

I spend time by myself several days weekly; my choice, really. It’s not often I communicate with anybody other than Tess and Mindy (our cute cat) during those days, other than SMS’ing with a few friends, wife and children (adults, actually). At times I desperately try to machete my way through the dense jungle of crappiness, by grabbing the phone and call a good friend; that's another way to open the safety valve, to let some of the nasty crappy-steam escape – and for the most part, that works somewhat.
 

Another way to get back to the charming and delightful mood I normally expose (yeah, right) I play music really loud. Music always makes my moods turn more positive. When my wife returns home from work or from wherever, just her being near makes most of the crappiness go ‘poof’.
 

At times some of this doesn’t work, and I think that perhaps I don’t want it to work. I’m very confused in that area of being crappy. 'Get out of it’ is easy said, but at times really hard for me to do, no matter how much I want to be Happy & Charming Peter again; I might never figure it out.
 

At times I get depressed; not that I want to end my life or anything close to that, but a depression I cannot explain. When I was a boy and drifted into those moods, my mother for some excellent parental reason, dealt with it in a matter-of-fact way. She would ask me ‘why?’ and I would answer ‘I don’t know’… (of course in Danish…) My mother would then ask me to go into my room and come out when I felt better; so I did and it worked.
 
Today I find that my depressions quickly morph into crappy, and I’m fine with that, as it is somewhat easier for me to understand and deal with.
 

Kind of weird, but as it is not something that happens often, I’m certainly not concerned about all of this. My main issue is that I do not want any of my crappiness to interfere with the people I love and care for. I hate it when people are crappy, so why should anybody love and accept my crappiness, no matter how charming it is?

I truly believe that we all need to release the build up steam we collect from life’s daily challenges. I highly suggest accepting having crappy days at times, but then get it done with, and make sure that it doesn’t hurt anybody else and it’s all legal. But of course, if you find yourself in foul moods too often, it is time to seek help, to find out what causes it and then deal with it in a positive and constructive way, please.
 

Pretty much every time I use the term, ‘crap’, ‘crappy’ or ‘crappiness’ I do think of that poor plumber and his unfortunate legacy, so I send him a ‘sorry Thomas’; that in itself, does make me smile a bit, which helps me slowly move out of being in a foul mood – and then it’s time to say ‘thank you, Mr. Crapper', as I’m convinced he was a really nice guy (sigh)…