If I met me, would I consider myself a good candidate for a relationship? Would I like me as a close friend, a dedicated husband or a trusted colleague in the workplace? However conceited this might sound, I feel I could have a good relationship with somebody like me, because I view myself as a decent dude.
Of course it wouldn’t be a fun relationship, as we (me & me) would already know all the jokes, the silly remarks and the vast quantity of humorous punch lines – so what the heck kind of relationship would that be, besides flat and boring, huh?
I’m not talking about the relationships we have with pets, mobile phones, cars, stuffed bunnies named Fluffy or the all-important connection with inflatable Sexy O’Floozie. I mean relationships we have with spouses, partners, family members, friends, colleagues; those kinds of real unions.
Relationship means interpersonal; it’s the bond or association between two or more people. It was on a dark and stormy night back in 1741 that this new noun was born (yes, in a barn); it meant the state of being related or interrelated. As I see it, it was originally used in reference to relations within families; relations, as in related to. I really like the ship bit, as ships either float or sink – just like relationships do; and you didn’t think of that, did you?
But today, when we use the term relationship, it pretty much covers associations between any humans, perhaps in more intimate and romantic ways and across gender lines.
We start relationships by getting acquainted. Then we build on those initial inclinations, establishing trust and respect. Continuation suggests commitment and a relationship is born. Sounds easy? Well, it’s not a piece of cake, if that’s what you think.
Any kind of relationship, amongst them friendship, marriage, partnership, etc. (but unfortunately not Inflatable Floozie), includes respect, trust, dedication, love, compassion, responsibility and appreciation, just to name a few; to keep the ship afloat takes a lot of hard work.
If we do not work hard enough, lose interest, fall out of love or any of those other things, the relationship will run out of steam or hit an iceberg; also known as termination. So, how good are we at this relationship stuff and how can we improve matters if we suck at it?
In my personal book of references, we are flock animals (I mean, we see females go to the restroom in large groups all the time – which scientifically proves my point) and we have urges for relationships; we crave stimulation from each other.
Surprisingly, we are basically a monogamous race, meaning that we do not stray as much as they do in soap-operas, movies and so-called reality TV (God forbid); for the most part we pair up and that’s that. Yeah, I know the divorce ratio does not fully support my point of view. But still, my point is that relationships are very important to us; and here is my even more important point (debatable, but go with it anyway, okay?)
Though relationships are interpersonal, meaning at least two individuals participate, I strongly believe that the Mother of all relationships, is the relationship and the quality of same, that we have with ourselves. How we relate to ourselves very much establish us in our relationships with other human beings; this is the very important foundation.
You see, what we think about ourselves, the good and bad attitudes we drag around and the overall opinion we have of our own character and personality, will of course reflect in our relationships with others; pure logic? Well of course it is.
Some people whine about how they cannot connect, build friendships, find partners and stuff. For the most they blame things around them to be the reasons why they fail in this relationship stuff. We can always come up with plenty of excuses by pointing fingers; but we should really point at ourselves first and then start to search for solutions within who we are – perhaps find who we could really be.
When we dissect our inner selves, which we should do at least once a year anyway, we find a lot of good stuff we do, we think and many positive attitudes of all kinds. But we also find stuff that we kind of ignore, we know they are there; stuff we have done nothing to solve and/or improve upon. So it’s time to go on a soul-searching expedition.
Many times in my life, I have sat down with that big pad of mine, a pen and a few hours to spare (oh, and a bottle of wine). I split the page with a line down the middle. Then I write positive on top of the left column and negative on the right – are you with so far?
To start on a positive note, I write everything down about me that I can find, stuff I’m happy with concerning my person, character, personality, values, etc. Then I move to the negative column, write down everything I don’t like about myself, stuff I should do I haven’t done, my physical being (exercise more, eat less, etc.) When I’m emptied out, I pour another glass of wine, sit back and read the two columns out loud; this way it sinks in better; you get the idea.
Then I go back to each column. I make notations about how I can do better, because no matter how good or bad we are at something, we can always improve. It’s a very positive process that should perk you up.
And it’s in the negative column where the fun really starts. I live by the fact that when we know and accept what is wrong, we are halfway to the solution. Once we look at negativity in a positive light, we will find ways to correct and improve.
Yes, it takes effort to improve ourselves and lots of it. It’s always easier to do nothing, but don’t be surprised when the outcome sucks accordingly. And don’t try to change your world in one swell swoop; just change it one little bit at a time, but keep doing it.
When you feel comfortable about the changes and observations you have made, it’s time to imagine if you would like to have a relationship with you; look at yourself from the outside. Can you see redeeming values that you imagine other people will acknowledge, respect and appreciate? If not, go back to your list, and see what else can be done; it is a refreshing experience - I do it all the time.
What do we like about the relationships we are in? What is it that attracts us to our friends, family, certain colleagues, etc.? We probably find a lot of common ground in the relationships we have; same stuff we appreciate and respect, but stuff we rarely think about. “She’s my best friend”, we’d say and for most of us, that pretty much covers it – but of course there is so much more behind the statement: “she’s my best friend”. We don’t dissect our relationships, because it is not important. For the most part it just feels right, and that is all the information we need.
I seriously don’t have many relationships, but the ones I do have involves a lot of pleasantness, respect, appreciation, love and in all of them, a ton of laughter. I do not take any of my relationships for granted, never have and never will, especially the one I have with myself.
I think I’m an okay relationship; I can be trusted and I will do next to anything to help the people I have a relationship with. But would I take a bullet for any of them? Come on, I’m not stupid; though I would take one for my wife, because she is the best and most ultimate relationship I have ever been in and will ever be in.
And how are you doing?
Until next Monday, remember that: life is precious, so live accordingly
A HANDY FOOT-NOTE:
“Taking a bullet” is just a matter of speaking, rather hypothetical, meaning it will never happen, so it means nothing – except for the heroic effort by taking one for my wife – I would do that, and not just hypothetically, okay? Of course I hope I’ll never have to prove such silly statement…
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