A BETTER LIFE – only you decide

Advertising sell promises of longer lives, total elimination of any wrinkles, and firm up those droopy thighs by using magic lotions, etc. It’s a multi-billion dollar sucker-business. Why would I call it that? Because we have no chance to compare the difference between using these products with not using them. But we make those sucker-bets anyway, no matter how pathetic we must realize they are. Will those Spring-of-Youth pills actually make you look and feel younger, live longer? We’ll never know and only you can decide.

I often think about my life in the big picture. It makes me acknowledge where I come from, where I have been, where I am, while promoting chances as to how I can keep improving now and my future. I think that if I did not look back once in a while, my present life would go stagnant, repetitive, boring and would certainly limit the elbow room needed to move forward.

Of course the "what if?" question pops up: I think about all the “stuff” I have gone through, contemplating some of the decisions I made through the years and what those decisions created, where they got me. The choices I made when I got to the proverbial forks-in-the-roads, and of course wondering (fantasizing?) what would have happened if I had gone left instead of right. At times it’s a real cool trip through that big-picture thing; and often it’s confusing, as I missed opportunities on the way – of course; we all have.

I strongly believe that we for the most part are very much in control of our lives, what we want to do, where we want to go, what we feel we want to accomplish on so many levels. Sure it takes discipline, courage, assertiveness and a bunch of other things to guide us to the goals we set, but I am convinced that when we want something bad enough and accept the work it takes to achieve any of these goals, we can really get there.

We can’t go back and make changes; what’s done is done – and then we move on. Trying not to sound fluffy (too late, Peter) I decided many years ago that if I actually could go back, I would not make many changes; the reason being that I would probably not have met my wife – as simple (and fluffy) as that.

Sure I have past issues of embarrassments, pathetic behavior and several individuals I really wish I could go back and explain things to – then profusely apologize while begging for forgiveness. These issues might not have any concern to these people, things long forgotten and perhaps never remembered (Peter who?) but for me it was not cool – and for that I am sorry, and (pathetically) wish I could go back and repair.

I am convinced that the road we travel must be, should be and ought to be based on decisions we make and implement; it’s about being in control of our lives and therefore our future - it takes work, it really does.

But we also look at easy ways out. We substantiate not to do something, though we know it would be good for us if we did. Let’s say exercise; buying that hot new spandex exercise outfit is not making us fitter, no matter the exciting feeling of wearing tight-fitting spandex all over my body gives me on so many exciting (disturbing?) levels – oops, sorry got carried away a bit. But at least buying that spandex thing is a first step, part of being assertive. To get fitter we must of course exercise, which can actually be done without tight-fitting spandex; but trust me, it’s not as exciting… sorry, I did it again!

We wrinkle as we get older. For some, as in George Clooney and I, wrinkles look fabulously handsome, but most people resent this “cruel wrinkle joke” of nature (except George and I, of course). So there is a vast array of products, machines and things of all kinds and colors out there to “help” us. You are asked to apply this (wrinkle) creme 4 times daily, at $175 an ounce, of course. It will make your skin look smoother, younger and soft like a baby’s butt (I’m not sure about you, but is that the image you are going for? A baby’s butt - in your face?) Didn't think so...

So we smear this creme on any part of our bodies, spending hundreds of dollars or whatever currency; but we will NEVER know if it actually makes our skin feel and look younger if we DIDN’T use this product. How about washing that face with regular soap, massaging it a bit with a soft sponge? I bet you’ll get the same feeling – I do.

We pop pills that promises this and that, and we must be buying this stuff, because it’s really big business, profiting on vanity and our insecurities; to some extent I find it okay - and then I don’t.

I take daily vitamins, some supplements, extra C, D, B-complex, and the list is long. But I take this tongue-in-cheek, because I feel rather silly inhaling all this stuff. Now, if I had a split personality, I could feed all this (good!) stuff to one of me and nothing to the other me, this way I could compare notes, as in: does it really make a difference? So you see, it is with closed eyes and only bits of common sense that we rely on what the label is promising us, that the fountain of youth ‘really’ is in this bottle, at only $175 an ounce (cash, please).

I have met people who truly believe in some of these advertised powers and I can see how their trust (naive hope) is embedded to the point of making them feel good – or better? And I am all for that – okay, to a certain extent only. I have always believed that if we are strongly convinced about something, it does have a stronger effect on us, and for the most part in a positive manner – underlining: for the most part.

We make so many choices in our lives, especially early on, that will follow us till the very end. We consciously and/or unconsciously make utterly important life-style choices at an age where we should not have to make those important decisions; we are neither experienced nor mature enough to do so – another cruel side of nature, don’t you think? 

Early on we are relying on the planning of our life-model solely by the help of the people around us, from parents, peers, leaders, coaches and teachers, role-models, idols and heroes. The sad thing is that we ‘don’t get it’ at that early time in our life. Imagine if we had actually listened to some of the excellent advice our parents gave us – imagine if we had just listened to them, huh? And now we can’t go back and rewind, give it one more go – for real. And the circle keeps turning and now we are desperately trying to teach our own kids – and good luck with that, really…

A longer, better looking life does not come from inside a bottle, no matter what the label promises us. The longer, better quality and healthier life is the one created from inside ourselves – solely depending on how much we really want it and especially how much we really want to work for it to happen. 

Remember that nothing, absolutely nothing comes from inactivity or from just wanting it – no matter how bad we wish for it. Progress takes a lot of work, but that is the most fascinating part of life; it's not just getting there, but enjoying those tremendous and exciting travels it takes to get us there – every single step on the way

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So in that spirit, here is to your health, your happiness and an even better / longer life – really,

Peter

BAD NEWS IS GOOD NEWS?

It seems like it. Are we really so pathetically excited, so disturbingly interested in the negative sides of life? It seems to be, for the simple reason that we are constantly fed fatalities, crashing cars, airplanes, ships, mudslides, wars, terrorist attacks and the list is very long. We lick it up from newspapers (remember those?), television and Internet news programs; and they wouldn’t give us all this bad news if we were not reading, listening or watching. So they keep bombarding us with a dominating percentage of news that is bad – and that is not good news.

I do not watch television news-programs. The simple reason is that I do not trust the information they give me. There is so much obvious fluff and glorification, the eagerness of making their station and program more so entertaining than informative; film at eleven. The way the so-called anchor-people interact for the most part seems scripted, fake and tried; to me it is simply embarrassing, disrespectful and a blatant insult to the news they are supposed to cover, what really happened, the true information we could be interested in and from which we no doubt would learn something from.

Television news programs must obviously do well, meaning that enough people are watching – otherwise these programs would not be around; only the best, perhaps truest, would survive. So with the multitude of stations (here in the USA), there is this innate “competition” to be the most popular, so they all turn up the fluff to out-do their competitors. The news is being padded and inflated; the graphics and the pictures are getting more graphic – really. Under it all, the real news is buried, the news that might actually have had a bigger impact on us, if communicated in a straight line.

But obviously bad news is good business, and that is something the consumer (that would be you and I) obviously enjoy communicated. Or is that really so? I mean, what is it we can learn from bad news, from so MUCH bad news? You see, when we are being bombarded with endless fatalities, accidents, murders, etc. we become numb to that kind of stimulation. One person murdered is traumatic; a bus-load runs off the road and six people die – and that is of course terrible; a plane disappears and we go: “oh well…”? And when it’s hundreds or thousands of people vanishing due to war or terrorist attacks, famine and so far away from us, we do become ignorantly numb, like it’s too many and too much for us to comprehend – to care about? So where did our emotional judgment go?

Movies, television shows and most certainly video-games, underline the underbelly of society. There are too many guns and knives, so much shooting and blood, way many explicit and violent deaths, multitude of body parts flying all over the place. Yes, we (try to) acknowledge that this is just a movie, a show or a video-game - it is not real. But the gruesome fact is that we are still deeply affected by all this ‘not real’ stuff, so when it’s a ‘real’ local murder, the bus off the road, the wars and all that death, we do not react like we really should – with a much deeper compassion and concern and a much stronger urge to ‘get it fixed’, one way or another.

Sure I’m no Sigmund Freud (luckily, I don’t even look like him), but common sense dictates that our emotions with respect to the violent side of society, the way we might find ourselves ignorant more so than concerned, is a way to ‘protect’ ourselves for not going crazy; the “I’m glad it wasn’t me” syndrome. And I’m (disturbingly) okay with that, feeling “protected” that way to some extent.

But at times I am thoroughly influenced by some of this sad bad news. Several years ago I read about a young woman driving along a highway. She was reaching for a CD in the back-seat, for a split second not seeing where she was going. The car veered to the right and unto the side of the road, where four bicyclists were hit, mowed down and killed. Something we cannot and must not be flippant about – and news sources shouldn’t either.

I often think about this horrific accident, these two couples and best of friends, in their 50’s or so, enjoying a day together, getting exercise and fresh air – then brutally having their lives ended – while doing absolutely nothing wrong. Many times when I pass bicyclists on the side of the road, I see those four friends, and also think of the young woman who has to think about that moment, those people over and over the rest of her life – as well as so many other people who suffered and keep suffering; children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, family and friends – on both sides; just so horrific. So I drive with more care – I really do.

In our everyday lives, are we more inclined to think ‘negative’ than ‘positive’? Do we more so dwell on other people’s bad luck than on their good fortune? Concerning good fortune for others, is the mixture of envy, jealousy and ‘why didn’t I win the lottery’ dominant? We do not voluntarily admit to such thoughts; instead we underline our full support and rejoice in somebody’s good fortune and luck (winning the bloody lottery) – and I really trust that we mean it; the good part.

When we hear of other peoples bad luck, I don’t think we feel good about it. I think that what is happening with us, is more so the feeling of momentary relief. Somebody is getting a divorce, got their car smashed up, and the list is long – bad stuff happening to other people, so we are simply relieved that it is not us – and then, for the most part, we do sympathize.

  

So it’s not that we are gloating when bad things happen to people around us, but it’s that brief relief, acknowledging that it didn’t happen to us; and I find that very okay and rather human, actually.

When real bad news hit close to home and disasters far away, I fully trust and believe that we are truly very compassionate as we really do care for people around us, even those we didn’t particularly care for before whatever happened; I see this again and again, and that is very encouraging – has always been. 

As much as ‘bad news’ seekers we might be, the good thing is that when it really counts, we do stand up and acknowledge the true sadness, the sorrow and unfortunate reasons; and then we do become understanding, caring and supportive – all in the name of the human spirit, and we might even have learned a thing or two; I think that is certainly good news – for all of us… Don’t you agree?

WOMEN – the more the better

I am referring to the stark reality that a lot more women must, should and will eventually participate much more in the leadership of this planet for a considerably better and safer future for all of us. Women must, should and will eventually become a much bigger and even more important part in the positive development of all of our lives; I fully believe that. 

Through too many centuries, the male dominated leadership, has in retrospect (which I’m damn good at) not achieved full potential. To me, leadership based on equal mix of females and males working hand in hand, will achieve this glorious potential. The good news is that this equalization has already started, yes slowly, but picking up speed - and that is a fantastic reality; don’t you think?

Talking about stark realities is the sad and horrific fact concerning the suppression of the female gender through thousands of years. Even today women are being suppressed in many cultures around the world. Besides many pathetic reasons and excuses, cultural and/or religious ‘traditions’, this repression is denying these cultures and countries of a more enlightened and true progress – and that is a sad shame, because when women are involved, things do move along, a lot faster, a lot better and for the most part in a lesser-to-none violent manner. The good news is that things are getting better and better every day – more women are getting more involved.

In 2011 Helle Thorning-Schmidt became the first female Prime Minister of Denmark; good for Helle and good for Denmark. But more interestingly, of the 179 Danish Parliament members, 65 or so, are women. How are we doing in the house and senate here in the USA? In Denmark, as with the other European countries, the involvement of women in leadership roles, in government and in the private sector, is constantly increasing – and that can only be good; don’t you think?

Roberta Pinotti was named Italy’s first female Defense Minister, making her one of five women leaders of military in Europe; I feel safer already. Chancellor Angela Merkel is in charge of Germany. Sheryl Sandberg is one of the top people with Facebook. Hillary Clinton’s political exposure and influence is far from over – with much more to come; Janet Yellen is the new Federal Chief with a rather large economy (USA) to control and guide. Yes, she is the first woman to chair since the Federal Reserve was established in 1913 – way to go Janet. Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer is not doing too badly; and I could easily go on with this list. More and more women are coming up through the ranks, getting involved and even more so, starting to be respected by everybody, not just by the male gender, but by all of us. 

Another positive sign concerning female involvement is that slightly more women than men are getting a higher education here in the USA. No, Dear Readers, it’s not a gender contest, just a fact stating that things are moving in the right direction towards equality by having more women moving up and into leadership roles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a world run by females only; I am solely acknowledging that with a much more equal balance of women and men on all levels, we combine all the great stuff, talents, intellect, creative ideas we can ALL contribute – on ALL levels and by both genders - together. Working organized across gender lines, accepting and respecting each other in the name of progress and the pursuit of happiness (and peace on Earth, huh?) will succeed – I am truly convinced of that.

The very first person we hang onto is a woman (that would be the mother person) and she is the very first person we are seriously influenced by, not just for survival, but for comfort, love and security. So why not continue that trend? (Except for the breastfeeding, as that might turn really awkward). For the most part we progressed from this nurturing beginning and for most of us, it made our life-foundation a solid platform from where we developed (thanks, Mom)… Something we rarely think about.

Who has been or who is the most important woman in your life? Asking me, I can’t give a simple answer because it’s not just one woman, no matter how much I want to say: ‘MOM’. But what I can say is that my Mother has been a proverbial rock for me; she still is – her dementia not getting in the way. She has always been a fantastic and supportive friend. 

Another woman who has influenced me (and still does) is my wife and very best friend ever – going on 31 years. Too many things of acknowledgement, so let me highlight one of the more important aspects of our relationship: My wife brings out the very best in me, of who I am. That is a very freeing feeling that makes me progress in a much more solid way, both feet on the ground, which of course also reflects on our relationship – why we are very compatible.

When we look at women’s influence on our everyday life, women’s participation in all the facets of making this globe function, we can only agree that it is so awesome – it really is, especially when we look back and acknowledge the many women of the past who carved the way for today’s women – actually for all of us, really.

Envy and jealousy are unfortunately parts of who we are. That be between genders as well as it is between men and between women. As this (soon former?) male-dominated world is equaled out with higher participation of women, envy and jealousy will still continue, as men will feel threatened in the positions they have had for so long. But I am convinced that with time, we will ALL acknowledge and respect that a positive reality of a more equal mix of genders will profit ALL of us.

As I started my ‘career’, I was for the most part influenced by women. When I moved on and into management, I surrounded myself with female employees. Not just because I worked in the women’s fashion business, which even in Denmark (1960-70) was dominated by males. I always felt very comfortable working with women; I always found it easier and more effective, even in the high energy business we were in.

Back then I didn’t really ‘dissect’ the ‘WHY?’ but now in retrospect I realize that the ‘softer’ approach, not weaker to any extent, was where I functioned much better. 

One of my bosses back then was a real bitch – seriously. She pushed everybody around, males as well as females. When she entered your office, you wanted to hide under the desk, or react even more maturely by covering your eyes so she couldn’t see you (well, it used to work). But the thing is that I really respected her in spite of her bitchiness, as she surely got things moving along – and fast.

One day she raced into my office and announced that she was coming with me to Paris, as I was leaving that evening. I nearly had to change my undergarments, but off we went. So the strangest thing happened that from the second we got in the car and drove to the airport, she was the most charming, relaxed and fun person. 

Our week in Paris was very productive and I was in awe of her communication skills with our suppliers and her overall (new?) demeanor. When we returned to Copenhagen and work, off she went being a bitch again. But during a meeting the day after, she winked at me, and all of a sudden I realized it was just a part she played – so effectively.

Why this story? My male chauvinistic thoughts (yes, I had some of those back then) before I found out her well-kept secret were that I saw her as an abusive woman, rude, intimidating, threatening and bitchy (duh); more interestingly, I blamed her of trying so desperately to imitate a male equal. 

But today I realize that she was who she was, man or women – no difference. It was my ‘male’ side who judged her wrongly, where I should have embraced and respected how well she was doing her job. Sure, nobody liked her (except me after Paris), but I do recall that besides being feared, she was secretly respected by all, though nobody would share that thought out loud; she certainly left a lasting impression on me.

Envy and jealousy will persist – unfortunately, but the closer we get to full gender equality in any workplace and in any government, the better it will be for all of us – I have no doubts about that. I am extremely encouraged by where we are today, and look forward to an even greater and no doubt more peaceful future as more women are getting involved; an equality we’ll ALL profit from – don’t you agree?

OLYMPICS – so much we can learn

The Winter Olympics are in full swing. Twirling, gliding, sliding, jumping, shooting (yeah, I know, rather weird), flying, winning, losing, falling, crashing and so forth. We are thoroughly entertained by some 3,000 athletes from a bunch of countries, and I am in utter awe. No, it’s not so much from the competitions; it’s watching the pure undiluted joy, energy and love for what they do, that I see in their faces. Those smiles and that tremendous show of exuberance, camaraderie and respect for each other is so inspiring – something that should really rub off on all of us; this is something we should all try to do – every day. Don’t you agree?

I have always respected people who are really good at what they do, excluding anything illegal, obnoxious, rude or pathetically stupid. It encourages me to do better myself within my abilities and at times beyond. So when I watch these, for the most part youngsters, show so much energy, so much enthusiasm for what they do, what they do so well and working so very hard at doing, I feel energized to improve what I do well and try even harder to improve what I don’t do so well (like going 80 miles an hour, on a small piece of plastic with blades, wearing a tight-fitting suit). What we are watching should inspire all of us – and I hope it does.

I was watching a women’s snowboard event and of course was totally blown away by what they can do and what they do so fantastically well; absolutely awesome. But what really blew me away was how these 'competitors' stayed around at the bottom of the hill after their own runs, waiting, cheering, screaming, encouraging and yelling for the other girls to do well. And when one by one they crossed the finish-line, they all hugged each other, laughed, smiled and hopped up and down. Surprising?

Yes, it surprised me, as this was a group of girls/women crossing international borders, all from different countries showing absolutely no signs of envy, jealousy or differences. It was only sheer joy between them – the utter happiness, support and excitement from being there, that very moment – for all of them, individually and together; something to learn, huh?

Torah Bright (Australia) Kaitlin Farrington & Kelly Clark (USA)

So I started to watch with that in mind; do they all participate in these games with the same attitude? And I found that they do. Cross-country skiers, both genders, would give their all on the course and fall down as soon as they crossed the finish line. And then they would bring on those fabulous smiles, hug and greet and congratulate each other for the effort, for giving everything they got – across international borders, no matter where they came from.

Of the 3,000 athletes who made it to Sochi, just a few will do that ‘winning’ thing. I am positive that a vast number already knew before they left for Russia, that winning any medals would be unrealistic. But then you hear them talk about, with huge smiles, how they aimed at other goals, personal bests, etc. Being selected to represent their country and their sport, for the most part seems to humble them, but with pride and determination, to do well, to give it all, leave everything on the track, ice or snow – wherever. And when we watch from our cushioned comfy-chair, pressing buttons on the TV remote, we can clearly see that they all do that, giving everything and then some – and that is just so awesome.

When we watch, keep in mind how much time, sacrifice, discipline, effort, (blood), sweat and tears have brought them in front of us. An American girl talked about how her parents sold a cow here and there for her to be able to afford getting to the local competitions to improve and ‘perhaps someday’ get to the Olympics. Her praise and total love for her parents and their dedication, was loud and clear. She was asked: “So how are you going to pay them back?” She smiled that fantastic smile, held up her gold-medal and said: “I think this might do it”, through tears of joy - mine too.

We are watching performances that blow us away. Try not to be blasé about watching, but try to observe with the full understanding that this is NOT about winning, no matter how nice it is to ‘win’. This has everything to do with simply being part of something so big and so awesome; it’s about participating, building friendships across borders and suck in all those fantastic moments that none of them will ever forget – how great is that?

Swiss skier Dominique Gisin is best friends with Tina Maze from Slovenia. They are both excellent downhill skiers and probably met through the sport they both love. They skied as competitors a few days ago, and what do you know; they both won gold - a first in winter Olympics. Both skied the time of 1.41.57. How about a friendship across borders and down the mountain – rather fast; and then hitting the same time, in a sport where one hundredths of a second is very big.

I am so in awe and utterly inspired by watching all this Olympic stuff (except curling – have no bloody idea what the heck is going on). I find that my daily exercise and fitness routine has been tweaked a lot, by pushing myself more, working harder because “they do” right there in front of me. 

I smile big as they smile even bigger – win or lose. They smile just because they are there and they fully appreciate it, the honor of representing their country, their sport, the camaraderie and the many friendships they find across so many borders. And all in spite of who wins or not – because they are also fully aware and do fully understand, as we all should and must do, that NONE of these Olympians, these wonderful athletes entertaining us with what they love to do and do so well, are losers to any extent – not even close. Their energy and exuberant smiles tell all. To me they are all winners, every single one of them; and isn't that awesome. I knew you would agree...

 No, this is not me. When I ski like that, I wear green.