Ethanol is a volatile, flammable and colorless liquid which we use in thermometers, as a solvent, to preserve unmentionable specimens (countless frogs, cut up snakes and Frankenstein’s brain) and as a fuel. To me ethanol is the best remedy for removing those irritating bits of adhesive left after peeling most of a label off. Oh, and then we also drink this stuff – are we mad?
We know it better as alcohol; ethanol for some reason sounds nasty. But trust me, alcohol is just as bad. Even though alcohol is the oldest (legal) recreational drug, to me it is still a poison, eating up brain cells that won’t come back and tearing down our kidneys; so don’t you wonder why we haven’t learned a thing or two over the years?
When we consider that in 2005 there were over 45,000 alcohol related traffic fatalities in the USA and about 55,000 other deaths credited to alcohol (accidents, suicides, etc.) and consider the horrific damage alcoholism causes family break-ups, marked for life abuse of spouses and children and the unfortunate list is very long, shouldn’t we sincerely wonder why we are still happily infusing ourselves with this stuff. Have you started to wonder?
An alcoholic beverage is considered such when it has a 5% to 40% ethanol by volume involved. 40% is sometimes called 80 proof, for some reason; to make it sound real macho or something? I have always pondered that if there was no alcohol/ethanol involved, would we really bother drinking this stuff? I really don’t think so. We drink alcohol with the intoxicating effect as the main event and for most drinkers, that’s the sole reason. Sure a lot of people will tell you that they like the taste and I’m sure they do, but I also think most don’t. Getting “spirited” is the big reason we consume alcohol and after a few drinks we don’t really care what it tastes like.
When we start sipping that first gin & tonic, our behavior stays fairly normal. But still, with tests we can find subtle changes, stating that we are influenced already. The more we drink the more impaired we become (they don’t call me EinSteiness for nothing). As we drink our behavior changes; for some it’s dramatically so, for others not so much. Some find that they can act like stupid idiots and pathetically “blame” alcohol the next morning. I just hate those people, really – not that I know any personally; but seen a few over the years.
As we keep drinking, several levels of impairment set in. From slurry speech and lack of thinking straight, depression, aggression, loss of physical control, etc. On the very bottom of the list is death by alcohol, which to me is one of the major impairments – because it lasts a long time…
Yeah, I can hear some of you say: “Who does he think he is; some guardian angel telling us what to do and what not to do?” Besides the fact that I am an angel (according to my Mother) I was also a major sinner what alcohol is concerned, and I’ll tell you the abbreviated (censored) story.
As a normal kid growing up in Denmark, experimenting with drinking beer, guided by curiosity as the excuse, I was 12 and going to a school dance. A couple of my friends had gotten hold of some Carlsberg Elephant beers – strong stuff. We sneaked into a restroom (a toilet, for those of you who do not know what a restroom is) and quickly inhaled two each. I remember that it tasted awful, but down they went.
I was in love with this beautiful girl and she was to meet me by the door to the dance. As I saw her she waved and smiled; I waved back as I fell to the floor while projectile vomiting – again and again; who says I can’t multitask? Never made it to the dance and she hated me after that – somebody told me. Now shouldn’t that have been read as an early warning concerning my future relationship with alcohol?
I drank alcohol (or as I call it: hard liquor – wine and beer is different) for the longest time; in retrospect I was utterly, utterly lucky. Never got in an accident, never hurt anybody, etc. I cannot stretch enough how lucky I was. One morning in 1980 I woke up feeling the worst I had ever felt. On the way to the bathroom I passed the mirror. I stopped and looked at myself – with disgust. What the hell had happened? That moment I made a huge decision to change my life big time.
After I showered I threw out all the hard liquor in my apartment, the cigarettes went the same way as I decided that was it. I bought a bicycle, had my doctor and dentist check me out and quit my job and went on a fitness rampage, biking 200 miles every week, etc. - not another drop of alcohol for the longest time.
I changed the rules a bit as I like Aquavit (80 proof, by the way) when eating marinated herrings – perhaps twice annually, if that much. I still drink wine and the occasional beer, and back then I was also okay with a Tanqueray & tonic (T&T) once in a blue moon; something my good friend David likes too.
A few weeks ago we got together and decided on some T&T’s. Now remember that my body was not used to this kind of alcohol. We chatted away having a great time while I inhaled about three large T&T’s. After dinner my wife and I were heading home, so I went downstairs to the small courtyard to get our dog; I certainly felt intoxicated.
As I bent down to pick up the dog’s toys, I lost my balance. I was in no condition to react fast enough to protect myself with arms and hands, so my face smashed hard onto the unforgiving cement – oh, and do not try this at home.
I am not exaggerating; my face was a bloody mess. My nose was bleeding, my luscious lips broken, bloated and bleeding and my chin banged up. But what hurt the most was my ego. I was so embarrassed and so distraught, as I rarely had shown real intoxication in the past. But I knew why I had fallen – flat on my face, was from being drunk, shit-faced, polluted, sauced and all those other terms - combined.
Is there a moral here? Of course – stop drinking alcohol. On the way home, holding on to what was left of my face and ego, I decided that hard liquor would never pass my swollen lips or otherwise – ever again. A glass of wine here and there is fine – at home and the occasional beer; but that’s it.
Alcohol makes people act and behave without limits. I believe a lot of it is pretend and when it gets really “drunk” it’s just stupid, boring and immature, as well as dangerous. I know, I was there – many years back – and then again a couple of weeks ago.
So we wake up the next morning with the proverbial hangover. In Danish hangover is toemmermaend, which translates into carpenters, meaning lots of noises and banging and stuff. The medical term is veisalgia, but hangover is easier to pronounce after a night of drinking. We go through unpleasant physiological effects, like headaches, nausea, light sensitivity, noise, lethargy, dysporia (emotional & mental discomfort), diarrhea and my all-time special: vomiting.
Psychologically it’s depression (remember the suicide thing?) and anxieties knocking on the door (but hopefully not too loudly). So is it worth it?
Consuming alcohol is not good. We all know or should know what it does to our health and well-being and to the people around us. We need to keep all the brain cells we can and do not need our kidneys working overtime because we like to party.
So what can we do? We can keep alcohol consumption within moderation – I can’t give better advice than that. It took me nearly 67 bloody years to get to that conclusion. I sincerely hope you are catching on a lot earlier than I did, please. This way alcohol will not get so much credit and that way, we are all a lot healthier and safer.
